Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What Should I Do???

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:04 AM
  • 12 Replies

To make a very long story short, I've been with my boyfriend for four years now and we have a two year old son. Before I became pregnant we moved out of the state to be closer to his family. Lets just say his family can be nice one day and not so nice the next. They are constantly in our business, and if they don't know something such as how much money we make, where we are, what we got from town then they get mad. If you try not telling them they ask over and over again, even if you tell them nicely that it's personal. Even if we buy something such as a TV or new shoes, they have to know where we got them and how much it was. My boyfriend says that he's use to it and that's the way they are. I on the other hand think it's to much. And to top it of they favor their older son and treat my boyfriend badly, talk down to him, even make fun of him from time to time. I don't wont my son to ever think that it's okay for people to treat anyone like that. How can I make things better without making them worse?

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:04 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Platinum Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 2:18 AM

I would let your boyfriend know that there are boundaries that have to be made and then figure out how to put your foot down as firmly as possible but not stooping to their level of negativity.  When they ask how much you make say Enough that we are comfortable and can pay bills.   When asking about purchases, tell them the store and welcome them to check the prices out there.

by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 5:43 AM

Are you living with them? Or can you get some distance? Blood is thicker than water, he loves his family. In many families, my own included, we talk about what things cost, so it's kind of normal for us.  It depends on how you are raised. Are they asking because they are worried about your debt at all? I would just say that you aren't comfortable talking about money, period, and if they keep bugging, walk away.

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:18 AM
I think that you should just tell the personal finances r no ones bis. Unless they have loaned you money and your out spending it on things that r not important! Don't let them in to your finances or your marriage... I speak from personal experience.. No one should be that close in your life but your hubby. It only ends badly! Good luck
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Gold Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 7:44 AM

There isn't much YOU can do, since it's HIS family, and he refuses to grow a backbone and tell them to mind their own business....Since it's the new year, tell the family, you both have made some new rules for  your family, which include NOT discussing how much things cost or where they were bought.  If your bf cannot be a man and put his foot down and stop this boorish behavior, you mite want to think about moving away---again, for your own piece of mind, and sanity. 

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 9:43 AM
Speak to yr Bf abt yr privacy,tell him to talk to them maybe thru' him they'll change.
by Ruby Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 9:49 AM
Wow, that family is wayyyyyyyyy too intrusive.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 1:00 PM

Are you living in their house? Paying them rent?

If you support yourselves and they are not giving you $ for anything it's none of their business and I wouldn't answer the question no matter how many times they asked, I would say "it's personal" over and over again until they get the message.

If they support you, then you need to answer their questions. If you are living off of someone else and you have "your own" $ then you need to let them know where your $ is going. If I was paying for someone to live and they were out buying TVs and shoes, I'd be pissed, and I'd want to know how much it was, etc. because if you can't pay bills you damn sure don't need to be spending $ on anything else.

by Platinum Member on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:47 PM

 Short of moving, not much you can do :(

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 10:30 PM

I would not be able to deal with people like that at all,after the first few times of trying to politely let them know that I don't feel that discussing my finances with anyone besides my husband or accountant is appropriate...I would tell them straight out that it isn't any of their friggin' business,and that they should find something else to spend their time worrying about besides what I pay for what or what I buy and where...I would also let my husband know that he is not to discuss our personal finances or anything else with them involving our personal life.I f you don't put your foot down now it will never change.

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:21 AM

This guy is NOT going to marry you, or he would have done it already.  Take youson and yourself and move gback home.  Get an education and a job.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)