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good mother thrown in trash

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teenager turned 18 nightmare.  where do I fit in now?

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 3:11 PM
Replies (11-20):
dogsrezrr
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:03 AM

You all are soooo wrong.  I live right here in the good old US of A.  She is still going to school but will be lucky if she graduates in the next year and I will be held responsible for her until she is out of school.  I did kick her out.  That's how I found out legal consequences.   The US has taken the strong arm away from the parent and spoiled the child.  I will say this:  She has just returned home and the big world was not much fun for her.  She still insists that I brought it all on my self by not letting her do what she wants as an adult but she has agreed to counsiling.  I begin this year with hope that it will help us both find our way in this gray area as she becomes an  adult but still at home.

dogsrezrr
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:11 AM

guess what?  I did kick her out.  So the judge gave her her own child support.  Nice legal system we have.  I will admit it had alot to do with a women who would benefit from welfare by taking her in and the ex who couldn't wait to put the screws to his ex and forgot to do what is best for his child.  She had several bad influences to encourage her in this road of distruction.

Teachandrun4
by New Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:15 AM
1 mom liked this

 

We are not responsible for our 18 and older  children the law just wants you to keep her in line so they do have to.  I say try to find some common ground, talk to her like an adult and set the rules and expect her to follow.  If you want not boys in the house say so and put they out when you find them.

Removing the door thing is great I would try everything before I put her out.

jesuschild06
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:28 AM
child support is for the child. Not for you. Yes... You get it to pay bills. But if you dont have her then why would you get it? And if they gave it to her because you kicked her out then they acknowledged you no longer have the responsibility. Though why either of you would get child support after she turns 18 is beyond me ! I know a lot of parents who recieved child support and i am one of those children who got it. I turned 18. It no longer came. And the same with everyone else i know.


Quoting dogsrezrr:

guess what?  I did kick her out.  So the judge gave her her own child support.  Nice legal system we have.  I will admit it had alot to do with a women who would benefit from welfare by taking her in and the ex who couldn't wait to put the screws to his ex and forgot to do what is best for his child.  She had several bad influences to encourage her in this road of distruction.


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dogsrezrr
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 10:38 AM

I know you are right and that you for the good advice.  This is a new year and I have new hope that we can work out all this with cousiling.  I have always been there for the other children before and after they turned 18 so this isn't much different I guess.  she is just going to make me work harder than the rest.  Hey, don't your kids look good now?   Laugh.  It's the best way to handle it when things get to darn hard. Have a happy new year everyone!

dogsrezrr
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:00 AM

She is still in school and it was never about the money (child support) but if she had the money it kept her on the streets longer.  I hurt every time someone says I kicked her out because I thought i was demonstrating tough love and when she left I made sure she Knew that the door would always be open but that the rules about having sex in the family home would not change.  She is home now, get's her child support, and is not expected to spend it on anything but herself.  I, alone, provide her financial support and couldn't care less about the money.  Hey it's a good opportunity to learn to manage her money.  She get's support because she is still in school.  The fact that I am still held acountable for her behavior but have no say in it  is more the point I was frustrated about.  she is still sneaking people in at night.  I don't want to seem like a winey baby but I would like to look into what my rights as a parent are, but most importantly I want to work things out with my daughter so we can both do what is right and be the family I thought we were.

dogsrezrr
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:02 AM

The child support contines as long as you are still enrolled in school. 

confused632
by Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:38 AM

I also believe that as parents we are responsible for their actions as long as they are in school or have their GED.  But after school is done, she should be accountable for her own actions.

Good luck. 

nuts4scouts
by Bronze Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 12:39 PM

What state do you live in?

DaniandTom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 1:01 PM

Like everyone else, I'm confused. At 18 she is an adult and responsible for her own actions. If she is living in your house, it's your rules or she moves out--PERIOD! She doesn't get to bring her boyfriends home and disrespect you. She is no longer a child. I also agree that in the next few years, she will (hopefully) mature a great deal. I do have a 21 yr old SD who thinks she can get away with anything she wants to but she's about to get a huge reality check come March when she has a new baby AND is facing prison for not paying restitution on 5 check fraud charges. She thinks her dad will pay it so she doesn't have to. Well, daddy doesn't have it so pony up! Some kids just live to push that envelope, mama. Set down the rules and if you have to, kick her out! She'll come around eventually. You gave her a good foundation, now it's up to her what she builds on it!

Quoting dogsrezrr:

sorry to be so unclear, now that my child has turned 18 she believes she can do whatever she pleases. I thought I knew better but apparently she is correct. I can't toss her out for sneaking boys in and out or at least that is what the school, the police and child protective services tell me. If . she got pregnant  I would .be held responsible for the infant as well. If she moved out I would be expected to pay for the roof over her head for all medical care as well as any other living expenses.  If she got into legal problems I would be held responsible for her behavior and provide legal expenses.  It seems  like she can do what she wants now that she is 18, but I am still held responsible and pay the consequences for her "adult" choices yet I no longer have any authority to prevent bad choices. I thought I raised her to be better prepared for this, but it is like she has . forgotten everything she learned. I feel helpless, powerless and so frustrated. I don't know this new person she has become and I don't know how I fit into her life any more.


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