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Not sure if this is the right thing or not

Posted by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:43 PM
  • 5 Replies

 Little back story - my husband and I have been seperated for a lil over a year now. Just weeks after seperating I found out I was pregnant with our 2nd child. I filed for C/CS Nov. 2011 all that was finalized in Nov. 2012 (outcome was joint custody with me having full physical). The day before I gave birth to my second, he and I talked about a few things and the one thing that he and I actually agreed upon was that we would have combined parties, so that the boys would not have 2 birthdays because we both just do not see the point in having two birthday parties when your birthday is just once a year.

 About a week back my ex's mom posted a picture (of the boys, herself, her mom and her 2 nieces) both her and her mom were holding steamware drinking glasses with an orange colored content with straws. I called my ex to ask him about it and he said "I think they were mango smoothies" I asked if there was alcohol in them and he said no. I asked because our custody order states that he and no one in the presense of the children shall consume or make alcohol known - I had this placed in there because he has a drinking problem as well as him mom. Well he called his mom and she posted some more things the same day like "FYI - Don't ASSume or ask a third party! Ask me directly!!" her friend commented saying "Do we need to start kick some butt girl" his mom liked the comment. She also had statues of "Don't you worry I have you taken care of, watch your back honey", "Check your brakes before you leave". Well when I was able to get to a printer either she blocked me from seeing them or she deleted them.

 So now, today I went onto to Facebook and the first thing in my newsfeed was that picture. She commented "BTW - Those are mango smoothies". She makes little digs at me and only unblocks me from certain post that are "digging" towards myself or my boys. I text my ex saying "If your mom keep posting the stuff she does on facebook and making snarky hidden comments towards stuff we've talked about (mainly the picture that I called you about) I'm going to have to ask she not come to [our oldests] birthday party, I know we agreed to have 1 party for the kids, but honestly I'm not going to have someone in my house who's going to be so blantly rude." .... "In her one status "FYI - Don't ASSume..." her one friend commented "Do we need to start kick some butt girl" and then for your mom to like it. I don't care her friend commented on it, but I certaintely do not appreciate it her liking it. I don't post things like that about her nor have I about her." ... " I don't want to be rude about the party because that's what you & I came to an agreement too and I vow to follow that, however I don't want people in my house who are going to act two faced to me. I'm not saying any of this to  piss you off, and I'm sorry if it has, I'd just rather let you know now." SOOO our oldest birthday is not until March, but I'd figure would give him a heads up. Before I sent him the text above, I told him I would talk to him about somethings tonight when he drops the boys off, he came back to me saying "either talk now or don't bring it up at all" which is why I sent the texts. I would have rather had the conversation in person to be honest.

Am I wrong? If I am please be nice about it.

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:43 PM
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Replies (1-5):
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:32 PM

I would have just sent  a text that we need to talk when ne drops off the boys tonight after they are settled in rather than type all that out in a text.  You basically just showed your whole hand to him so he may think why do we need to talk since you said it all.

trublonde130
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:54 PM

 We were texting back and forth and I stated there are several things that we need to talk about when he drops them off, because I didn't want to take the time away from him and the boys. Said that numerous times, but when he says "either talk now or don't bring it up at all" he'll walk away when I try to discuss it and nothing will be resolved. He can be very stubborn. I think from now on if there is an issue, I will wait to talk to him about it unless it's urgent. My other problem is that if I let it build it and bring up to him he'll say "why did you wait?" BUT if I bring it up to him immediately he tells me to get over it. So to me its a lose-lose situation.

Quoting frndlyfn:

I would have just sent  a text that we need to talk when ne drops off the boys tonight after they are settled in rather than type all that out in a text.  You basically just showed your whole hand to him so he may think why do we need to talk since you said it all.

 

DaniandTom
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:59 PM

IMO texting is just not the forum to talk about serious issues. Instead, tell him you'd like to talk about some things when he comes over and just leave it at that. If he asks what, tell him it's too complicated to get into over the phone or in texts and you'd rather just take a few minutes to talk face to face. Don't give in. You never know who is looking over his shoulder or who he is showing them to later on. Also, one of the things you might want to talk to him about is the fact that VERY SOON your children are going to be old enough to read the things that are posted on FB or any other social media. They should never read or hear anything negative about any family members from ANYONE--you and your ex included! Watch what you say and if necessary, delete your FB page. Also why are you reading her page? Just to see if anything is being said or did you have a legitimate reason? If you're just reading to see what's said, you should stop that. What a person feels or says to their friends is personal and frankly, none of your business. I think it just creates problems that otherwise would not be problems when you "stalk" someone on FB and then get angry if they say something negative about you. When the kids get older, it's an issue because they might see it. But they're just going to get mad at her for not liking you...and you can't really stop her from posting her feelings. If she wants to damage her relationship with your boys, then that's her issue. 

trublonde130
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:42 PM
1 mom liked this

 So I spoke with my ex when he dropped the kids off, surprisingly he and I agreed that what his mother is doing is wrong and he also understands my POV regarding the birthday party, I mentioned as well that if she keeps up the antics that it will cost his moms side of the family the birthday party invite - he agreed. He's spoke with her about this prior when I first brought it up months ago and he stated tonight that if she continues to do so that she and her family will have nothing to do with the kids - thank you, amen, hallelujah, praise the lord!! He said she does it to piss me off and that everytime she hears about it she does it more said the one time he talked to her about it she stormed off yelling "It's my facebook I'll post w/e the f*%# I want!" went downstairs and slammed the door...childish much?! I also told him "Your mom is in her mid-40's it's time she acts like a 40yo instead of a 17yo high school girl." I swear now he finally see's about his mom, what everyone in his family has been trying to tell him for the last 15+ years. I'm very thankful he told her and his moms family to not post pictures or anything about the boys since it is not there place to do so.

 Mentioned the threats she posted, said that I do not and will not play around with the boys safety since 95% of the time I'm with them. He said "I've told her 'thats my childrens mother and the mother of your grandchildren how would you feel if her parents threatened me?' she said she wouldn't be happy and I told her to cut the shit out because what she is doing is affecting you, me and the boys." Even though we are seperated, I appreciate that he's sticking up for me in the manner that he is - yes I thanked him for that.

rstuart66
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 9:15 PM

Glad to see there is some positive progress.  I wouldn't expect his mom to grow up any time soon though.  

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