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super stressed out!

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:23 PM
  • 22 Replies
I'm really stressed out. I just had a baby. Moved into a new home. I should be on top of the world. But on Christmas my guy checked his email and received his official orders for deployment. He deploys next month! I'm sure some of this is postpardom depression. But I'm super stressed over the deployment. My guy will be gone for almost 2 years. I want to enjoy the time we have as a family but I have a hard time not focusing on him leaving. I'm trying to be a strong army wife, I just don't know how. As I said we just moved and I don't have any friends close enough to talk to who would understand. I feel lost.
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by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 12:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Kellyjude1
by Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 1:46 PM

 So sorry for what you must be going through especially with having a new baby and home.  Hopefully the time will go by quickly.  Stay strong....

jabs54
by Platinum Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:01 PM
1 mom liked this

 So sorry.  I can't imagine my hubby leaving when we had babies.  If it were me I would join a local church and get involved with people there.

cjsmom1
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:08 PM

I'm sorry, it must be really stressful. Enjoy the time you have with him now and come up with fun things to do when he's gone (sending him babies foot prints on a letter, get some nice paper, etc).

connie45
by Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 10:01 PM
Will you 2 marry before he leaves?
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LoreleiSieja
by Bronze Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 9:36 AM
2 moms liked this

Do you live on base? There should be some support groups already in place, just for such a case as yours.  

I can't imagine being an army wife.  I was an army mom, though, and it was very stressful. I got through it.  Thankfully, my son returned. I know not everyone is as fortunate, and the unthinkable is what every woman fears.  We cannot live in fear though.  This is the life your guy chose, and you can only support him.  

You do need to find a support group soon, because your online friends can't be right over if the baby has a fussy day and you're about to pull your hair out!  This might even be something your guy can help with.  He MUST know other guys who are going to deploy with him.  Ask him.  Any of them married?  Have girlfriends?  Ask him to introduce you to his buddies.  You've just had a baby, so you don't want to have a dinner and invite them all over, but maybe you could suggest that HE and HIS BUDDIES plan a get-to-know-each-other gathering at a park.  Everyone could pack a picnic lunch, or bring a dish to pass and their own beverages.  His buddies wives and girlfriends will be your best support while he is away.  And maybe he will find comfort knowing that you and his buddies girls are going to be there for each other.  It must be hard for him, too, knowing his baby is going to be walking and talking before he sees her (him?) again.

You could be having a little post-partum depression - but it's hard to say.  I'd be crying right now, too, if my honey had to leave for two years, and I'm too old to have another baby.  You can tell it's depression if you cry a lot - even at sentimental TV commercials.  If you find it difficult to get out of bed in the morning.  If you have suicidal thoughts.  If you are angry and afraid you might hurt your baby... If you think you might be depressed, talk to your doctor.  There are some wonderfully helpful anti-depressants out there.  You can't take them while you're pregnant, but after the baby comes, they can be a real life saver.  

Make sure you get enough sleep on a daily basis - I'd say that to any new mom.  You might want to skimp on sleep, thinking you can catch up when he's gone, but then you won't really enjoy him while he's still here... don't you two want to go to bed together anyway? <G>

Start making little traditions.  Read about some other traditions other soldiers and their wives do.  One couple might write sappy love letters to each other, and seal them shut, and tuck them away - only to read as they are departing from one another.  Maybe you and your honey will schedule a babysitter and a weekend away at a motel - to do nothing that involved wearing clothes.  Who knows - use your imagination.

Know that what your honey is doing for you, for us, for his country, is a great thing. Be proud of him.  Don't let your fears cripple him.  He needs you now, more than he will ever admit.  And with internet - he's only an email away.

swthrt737
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 9:52 AM
Don't be lost dear,the fact that yr Dh is going away doesn't make matters worse bse everything God does has its reason. Therefore cheer-up and feel good bse yr lovely baby needs yr smile each minute,take care of the baby and yr new home and try to show yr Dh that you are good about the news,he too will gain hrt bse being away from yr Dw and newborn....is not easy but show him that y're strong enough to handle everything while he's away_strength of a woman!
mamakin616
by Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 10:43 AM

When you love someone and know that you are going to be separated from them ..it hurts and is very stressful...Army wife or not..you are human and going through real life issues that are you causing this extra stress on top of the moving and having a new baby.You should see your doctor and make sure that it's not serious enough for some medication to help you get through it...also see if you can find a few parenting groups where you can make some new friends that might be going through similar situations,even just a group od woman who hve new babies so that you have someone to relate to and some things in common with.You can always come on here and if you need to talk to someone I would gladly listen and try to help as much as possible.Good luck and Congratulations on your little one.Things will get brighter!!!

DakotaHaley
by Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 10:45 AM

I am sorry, I can't begin to understand how hard it will be when he leaves and for so long. Sending hugs your way....  hugs


ferne3
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 11:07 AM

Beautiful response!  My big bro and his wife went through something similar - just after they moved to a base in Germany.  She relied a lot on the other wives.  There should be groups relating to your hubby's unit of the women (I know there are a lot of women soldiers, but I think these are still mostly wives groups) getting together.  The military encourages these groups because they want the soldiers to focus on staying safe which is easier if they know their loved ones have their own support system.  If you don't know how to find out about this have your man talk to his CO.  They will want you taken care of.  

Quoting LoreleiSieja:

Do you live on base? There should be some support groups already in place, just for such a case as yours.  

I can't imagine being an army wife.  I was an army mom, though, and it was very stressful. I got through it.  Thankfully, my son returned. I know not everyone is as fortunate, and the unthinkable is what every woman fears.  We cannot live in fear though.  This is the life your guy chose, and you can only support him.  

You do need to find a support group soon, because your online friends can't be right over if the baby has a fussy day and you're about to pull your hair out!  This might even be something your guy can help with.  He MUST know other guys who are going to deploy with him.  Ask him.  Any of them married?  Have girlfriends?  Ask him to introduce you to his buddies.  You've just had a baby, so you don't want to have a dinner and invite them all over, but maybe you could suggest that HE and HIS BUDDIES plan a get-to-know-each-other gathering at a park.  Everyone could pack a picnic lunch, or bring a dish to pass and their own beverages.  His buddies wives and girlfriends will be your best support while he is away.  And maybe he will find comfort knowing that you and his buddies girls are going to be there for each other.  It must be hard for him, too, knowing his baby is going to be walking and talking before he sees her (him?) again.

You could be having a little post-partum depression - but it's hard to say.  I'd be crying right now, too, if my honey had to leave for two years, and I'm too old to have another baby.  You can tell it's depression if you cry a lot - even at sentimental TV commercials.  If you find it difficult to get out of bed in the morning.  If you have suicidal thoughts.  If you are angry and afraid you might hurt your baby... If you think you might be depressed, talk to your doctor.  There are some wonderfully helpful anti-depressants out there.  You can't take them while you're pregnant, but after the baby comes, they can be a real life saver.  

Make sure you get enough sleep on a daily basis - I'd say that to any new mom.  You might want to skimp on sleep, thinking you can catch up when he's gone, but then you won't really enjoy him while he's still here... don't you two want to go to bed together anyway?

Start making little traditions.  Read about some other traditions other soldiers and their wives do.  One couple might write sappy love letters to each other, and seal them shut, and tuck them away - only to read as they are departing from one another.  Maybe you and your honey will schedule a babysitter and a weekend away at a motel - to do nothing that involved wearing clothes.  Who knows - use your imagination.

Know that what your honey is doing for you, for us, for his country, is a great thing. Be proud of him.  Don't let your fears cripple him.  He needs you now, more than he will ever admit.  And with internet - he's only an email away.


stargaze281
by Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:06 PM

I'm sorry to hear he will be deployed and you just had a baby too. That's sad. All I could say is try to focus on the present time that you have with him and your new baby. Enjoy a family moment all together. Do something special all together and take pics too. You do have a right to be stressed knowing this. Try to take each day one by one, and don't think about everything. You can also try finding some groups to get support from and even cafemom is also a good choice to get support. Be strong and good luck, enjoy your moments with your baby. Congratulations.

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