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I don't want to resent my kids

Posted by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:49 AM
  • 83 Replies
1 mom liked this
Ok, so I am new at this. I recently remarried and had a 3rd child because this was my husbands first kid. I have 2 other kids from my previous marriage to my high school sweetheart. I have always been a career women and was self employed by the age of 22. I was probably the most confident in myself At that time for those accomplishments. After I remarried, I moved away from my business and my family to a new little town where your not really accepted as a newbie in town. I am a stay at home mom for the first time ever and I am more than overwhelmed with an 11 yr old boy, 7yr old girl, and a very active 2 yr old girl. My self worth flew out the window a while back and I am really fearful that I am beginning to resent having my youngest. I'm sure it has to do with all the changes in my life (marriage, unemployed, new environment) which were choices of my own will. All of the above has also caused a lot of strain on a new marriage, because i never seem to find myself happy these days. There is not a mother's day out program, or anything in my area, and making new friends with a little one who is into everything, and keeps my anxiety raging is really difficult especially when the other person has older more self efficient children. My guilt comes from those who can only wish to stay at home, like I once used to, but now I am sitting here whining about it. I need a hobby and I need out of this house. Please tell me I'm not crazy...lol!
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
terpmama
by Bronze Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 1:04 AM
1 mom liked this
Maybe enrole the kiddo in Rec center classes... Meet other parents with a kid around the same age?
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CorpCityGrl
by Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 9:17 AM
7 moms liked this

No, you are not crazy at all!

Before I had DD, I was a career woman.  I had my college degree, a husband who has a fantastic job, a career in media in the city, dinners and nights out with friends, traveling, etc....Shortly after having DD, I stayed home while DH went away for training for his job.  I felt like you. 

It is a HUGE transition and can be quite overwhelming and depressing to be honest.  While staying home, my self-worth plummeted and I felt that I had nothing but the house and DD and that I had lost my identity completely and didn't have a balance.  I had returned to work though once DD turned 19 months. 

However, maybe you can find a library or a recreation center around you (even if it's in another town) to join.  Bookstores are great and sometimes have storytime for kids, where I had met other mothers.  Where are you located?  Look up programs in the local churches too that sometimes do a Mommy and Me program....or even a playschool or someplace that will allow you to take your kids in for a few hours as part of a separation program.

LoreleiSieja
by Bronze Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 9:54 AM
7 moms liked this

You are not crazy!

It is a wonderful thing to be able to stay home with your babies, but our society does not value stay-home moms.  I graduated from college with highest honors, and yet I thought people treated me like I was stupid when I was a stay-home mom.  I tried to push my kids to excell, so I could have self-worth, so someone would tell me I was a great mom!  It was very hard for me to give that up and allow my kids the gift to be normal.  So I understand what you must be going through!

You are not crazy.  And even stay-home moms need time away.  Can you find a quality drop-in day care in your area, so you could take a class, or join a club, or something?  There are MOMS clubs in  so very many towns and cities across the USA, are you sure there isn't one in your area? (Are you in the USA?) MOMS clubs (mothers offering mothers support) are wonderful, include the child, and provide field trips, socialization, and support.  If there isn't one - and you have the skills of an entrepreneur, maybe you could start one?

Another possibility is the YMCA.  Usually, memberships are reasonable, and there is child care provided by the hour.  You can exercise, swim, take a class, or learn a new hobby, and not worry about your little one.  

If you're looking for something fun to do with your little one at home, there are websites (like mine) that provide lesson plans and activities - some of them for free.  My website is listed on my personal page, and sometimes it shows up in my signature line.

Finally, check out the things to see and do in your community or the nearest larger city.  Check out children's museums, zoos, library story times, field trips, etc.  Check out the homeschool support group and see if they have a preschool division.  I had a girlfriend a few years back that was really good at this, when I was babysitting my granddaughter.  She learned about an Alligator Parade near here, and I live in Michigan!  My granddaughter and I went, and helped to move the alligators at a local sanctuary from their winter habitats to their summer habitats... it was really cool!

You need to be active, but you also need some "me" time.  You need to get regular daily rest, so you don't burn out.  You need to make sure you eat well, so you have the energy to meet the demands of your life.  You need time alone, to reaccess what's important in life.  You need time alone with your honey, away from the kids, to maintain and rebuild a strong relationship - that is the BEST gift parents can give their children.  And you do need friendships.  We here can be virtual friends for you - but we can't give you physical hugs when you need it.  Find a hobby and develop close friendships.  You'll be glad you did.

http://raisingcreativechildren.com/nail-biting/


mamakin616
by Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Most libraries have a story time where you can take kids that age,they are set up for the little ones ,so there are no worries about them being loud or getting in to things,also if you are more comfortable in your own home,you could place an ad or flyer up at your kids shool tryin to get other Moms with small children/toddlers to contact you for playdates.I did this a couple of years ago and had great responses and have a few wonderful friends to this day from having them come to my home for a set play time with the kids.When you are at your on home ,you feel more in control and it helps with the stress level..I have severe panic and anxiety attacks and do not like to go  out to others homes or even visit my family a lot of the time.I feel safer and more secure with my self and my kids when I am in familiar surroundings.Remeber they don't stay young forever ..try to enjoy as much of this time as you can,it will be gone before you know it.My BABY is now 6 and just started school ,and I would give anything to have those days back again.....I can't believe how quickly she has grown and even though I used to think that I would look forward to this time...I am really not enjoying it so much.

Roo1234
by Bronze Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 10:57 AM
5 moms liked this

You can make the choice of who you want to be and how you want to see the world.

If there isn't a mother's day our program, why not start one?  

If you are the go getting you profess to be, you know how to change things, how to start things, so take the bull by the horns and make the world around you better.

la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:59 PM
1 mom liked this

 ((Hugs))

Mommaofthree722
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 1:46 PM
Thanks ladies :) I will look and see what I can come up with. I live in a town of about 500 with surrounding towns of the same population here in the great state of Texas. The bigger areas are all about an hour away. You ladies have given me some great ideas and maybe the push I needed that my head was too clouded to see. Thank you
LindaClement
by Linda on Jan. 3, 2013 at 3:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't think you're crazy at all.

I think our culture vastly underestimates all of what is involved in running a household and raising children (a result of a lot of feminist-era writings by people who never did either) --of course you're overwhelmed! You're learning a whole new career with no training or supervisor feedback.

Go to the park... over time you'll find other people there (without little one 'into everything') and you can read, take up needlework, paint, sketch, write, or anything else you can easily carry in a tote bag... In the meantime, you'll be out of the house, your kids will be having fun, and you can do something of your own while they're busy.

yperez0209
by Bronze Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 8:39 PM

Great advice, I love it. Especially the last paragraph.

Quoting LoreleiSieja:

You are not crazy!

It is a wonderful thing to be able to stay home with your babies, but our society does not value stay-home moms.  I graduated from college with highest honors, and yet I thought people treated me like I was stupid when I was a stay-home mom.  I tried to push my kids to excell, so I could have self-worth, so someone would tell me I was a great mom!  It was very hard for me to give that up and allow my kids the gift to be normal.  So I understand what you must be going through!

You are not crazy.  And even stay-home moms need time away.  Can you find a quality drop-in day care in your area, so you could take a class, or join a club, or something?  There are MOMS clubs in  so very many towns and cities across the USA, are you sure there isn't one in your area? (Are you in the USA?) MOMS clubs (mothers offering mothers support) are wonderful, include the child, and provide field trips, socialization, and support.  If there isn't one - and you have the skills of an entrepreneur, maybe you could start one?

Another possibility is the YMCA.  Usually, memberships are reasonable, and there is child care provided by the hour.  You can exercise, swim, take a class, or learn a new hobby, and not worry about your little one.  

If you're looking for something fun to do with your little one at home, there are websites (like mine) that provide lesson plans and activities - some of them for free.  My website is listed on my personal page, and sometimes it shows up in my signature line.

Finally, check out the things to see and do in your community or the nearest larger city.  Check out children's museums, zoos, library story times, field trips, etc.  Check out the homeschool support group and see if they have a preschool division.  I had a girlfriend a few years back that was really good at this, when I was babysitting my granddaughter.  She learned about an Alligator Parade near here, and I live in Michigan!  My granddaughter and I went, and helped to move the alligators at a local sanctuary from their winter habitats to their summer habitats... it was really cool!

You need to be active, but you also need some "me" time.  You need to get regular daily rest, so you don't burn out.  You need to make sure you eat well, so you have the energy to meet the demands of your life.  You need time alone, to reaccess what's important in life.  You need time alone with your honey, away from the kids, to maintain and rebuild a strong relationship - that is the BEST gift parents can give their children.  And you do need friendships.  We here can be virtual friends for you - but we can't give you physical hugs when you need it.  Find a hobby and develop close friendships.  You'll be glad you did.


jen2150
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 4:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Staying home doesn't mean you just stay at home.  Find the perfect medium for yourself and your children.  I homeschool my kids and I am working on getting my black belt in karate.  Find something you love.

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