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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

I don't want to resent my kids

Ok, so I am new at this. I recently remarried and had a 3rd child because this was my husbands first kid. I have 2 other kids from my previous marriage to my high school sweetheart. I have always been a career women and was self employed by the age of 22. I was probably the most confident in myself At that time for those accomplishments. After I remarried, I moved away from my business and my family to a new little town where your not really accepted as a newbie in town. I am a stay at home mom for the first time ever and I am more than overwhelmed with an 11 yr old boy, 7yr old girl, and a very active 2 yr old girl. My self worth flew out the window a while back and I am really fearful that I am beginning to resent having my youngest. I'm sure it has to do with all the changes in my life (marriage, unemployed, new environment) which were choices of my own will. All of the above has also caused a lot of strain on a new marriage, because i never seem to find myself happy these days. There is not a mother's day out program, or anything in my area, and making new friends with a little one who is into everything, and keeps my anxiety raging is really difficult especially when the other person has older more self efficient children. My guilt comes from those who can only wish to stay at home, like I once used to, but now I am sitting here whining about it. I need a hobby and I need out of this house. Please tell me I'm not crazy...lol!
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:49 AM
Replies (41-50):
ripemango
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 4:48 PM

make a change. I HAD to. It sounds like you do too.

We arranged it to where I could be at home w DD when she was born. It's what every1 wants, right? I thought I did. I was miserable after she stopped BFing (about 15 months old). I realized I either needed anti-depressants or a change. I chose the latter.

DH was and is very supportive. A happy mom = good mom.


I don't know where the sunbeams end and the starlights begin; it's all a mystery.

Casey126
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 5:21 PM
If there are no Moms groups around, start one! Put an add out. Post flyers up. I moved into a small town and had no friends. I put an add on craigslist, and meet many moms and started a group. We meet twice a week at each others homes, parks, etc. You get time to talk with other moms, and the kids play. It's a win win.
MomTiara19
by Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 5:33 PM

Maybe being a sahm isnt for you.If your desire is to get back to work and career than go back to work...your only holding yourself back.

happymotherof6
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 5:37 PM

I love taking care of my kids it is very enjoyable

karamille
by Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 5:45 PM

Remind yourself this is just one chapter in your life.  There will probably come a time again when you work, but this is just one part of your whole story.  There was a time I made more money than my husband.  I drove a new car, had nice professional wardrobe, soo many shoes, beautiful accessories, business trips to interesting cities, etc...  Now I wear yoga pants 4 days a week, often have the kids lunch stuck in my hair hair, and wear comfy shoes.  There was a time that this felt overwhelming.  I couldn't see my life past this period.  But kids aren't little forever.  Its just a small window.  There will be a day again when I make great money, have nice things, and spend all day with grownups.  But when that day comes, I know I will look back wistfully on these days of lounge wear and spaghetti hair.  But in the mean time, tell your hubby you need at least 1 day every two weeks to head out by yourself for the hour drive to the city for some alone time so not to forget who you are and why you are in this chapter of your life.  A little scheduled absence here and there does make the heart grow fonder.  .  :)  

aasmith88
by Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 6:23 PM

I agree with a lot of what the other ladies are saying, find a rec center, there are usually free activities..even in small towns, you make a day of going into the city.. I know that makes it hard for nap time.. So maybe a half day? Crest adventures.. Drive around and do a scavenger hunt? Maybe at a park.. Even if its finding common things everyday.. Little things like caterpillars are extoridanary to little ones. Try a local church.. So entires they have groups too. Best of luck! Stay strong, And its okay to take a YOU day :-) 

notyurmama
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 6:31 PM

Have you tried looking for mommy coffee clubs or community centre drop in days? They can really help!

BeingJaneAusten
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 6:48 PM

My advice put your child in daycare and get a part time job. I was lucky to have my husband come home early and i would go to work at night, it was part time but i felt great getting out and doing something for myself. I had my third son at a late age i was 34, and i had a great full time job that i had to leave, my third son  was not planned but i made the best of it. I do not regret my baby he is 22 years old now,  i will tease him and tell him you ruined my career! He just says sorry mom for being born, but i love you anyways. teen boy

bsuku
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 6:58 PM

Your post made me so happy! I know that sounds weird. I choose to go back to work because I didn't want to stay home. I will admit, I have the perfect job for having children. I am a teacher so I still have most of the summer and vacations off with DD. I am a much better mom when I am working. I become resentful just during the 2 short months I am off, I feel that I am no longer me, I am simply mom, so I totally understand your frustration. I think the other ladies here have given some wonderful suggestions. If you still want to work, try finding a part time position and daycare for your youngest. It may help you find you again or it may make you realize that staying home is really what you want. 

chocolate75751
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:05 PM

Make sure you have some me time, wether you have to get up early, stay up late or have DH take care of the kids for a bit. I someone mentioned rec center, the one we have has stuff for young ones too. Also here is a good website that I have found a playgroup on in my area, http://playgroupsusa.com/

Good luck mom and don't get to discouraged.

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