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I don't want to resent my kids

Ok, so I am new at this. I recently remarried and had a 3rd child because this was my husbands first kid. I have 2 other kids from my previous marriage to my high school sweetheart. I have always been a career women and was self employed by the age of 22. I was probably the most confident in myself At that time for those accomplishments. After I remarried, I moved away from my business and my family to a new little town where your not really accepted as a newbie in town. I am a stay at home mom for the first time ever and I am more than overwhelmed with an 11 yr old boy, 7yr old girl, and a very active 2 yr old girl. My self worth flew out the window a while back and I am really fearful that I am beginning to resent having my youngest. I'm sure it has to do with all the changes in my life (marriage, unemployed, new environment) which were choices of my own will. All of the above has also caused a lot of strain on a new marriage, because i never seem to find myself happy these days. There is not a mother's day out program, or anything in my area, and making new friends with a little one who is into everything, and keeps my anxiety raging is really difficult especially when the other person has older more self efficient children. My guilt comes from those who can only wish to stay at home, like I once used to, but now I am sitting here whining about it. I need a hobby and I need out of this house. Please tell me I'm not!
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:49 AM
Replies (51-60):
by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:24 PM

You're not crazy! Experiencing so many changes in such a short amount of time is very difficult. I went through a similar situation. I was a single mom of 2 with a great job and living in my home town with the support of my family when I married my husband, quit my job, moved 1400 miles away, oh and shortly after found out I was pregnant....with twins! By the time the twins were 6 months old and I was finally sleeping again at night, I found myself lonely and depressed in a town that didn't have many opportunites for making friends. I even found that the moms I did try to start conversations with were very cold towards me and treated me like I was stupid because I didn't work or because I am from the South. It's hard! My best advice is find a support system, where ever you can. I myself am still struggling with this, but even one friend to call up and meet for lunch can make all the difference in the world. Good luck!

by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 7:41 PM

You'renot crazy! I tried to be a stay at homemom for a time and its definitely not for me. I like to work hard and make a financial contribution to our family as well. I'm back at home for a couplemonths while I switched jobs to be self employed yeah,its not for eveybody.

by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 8:00 PM
1 mom liked this

if you can run a busines you can orginize a group for moms and kids to help get everybody out and involved

by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 8:04 PM
Working a job is easier than staying home with kids
by Silver Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 8:15 PM

You're not crazy! I remember when my kids were 2,5,and 8 and we were out-numbered and it was HARD. I worked part-time, I remember telling people I had to go to work just to relax! This time will pass quickly and one day you will wonder where the time went, hope you can find some activities in the meantime, you will have to be SUPER friendly to break into a small town social scene. Hugs!

by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 8:48 PM

I've been on that road before and I  can completely understand what you are going through *hugs*   I had a career with steady salary and great benefits before i had children, then when DS was born, I decide to be a SAHM.  I had enjoy it for a while, a new baby, a new  house.  But when DS starts to crawl and then walk, I thought I'd gone insane because in the first 9 months after DS was born my only interaction with adults was with my Mom who lives a hour away and the people i meet at the groceries store.  DH was not around.  Thats when i decide to go to grad school.

Can you afford a babysitter?  May be you can hire a babysitter once or twice a week to get out of the house, go to the gym or just chill be yourself.  That's what I did and it has kept me balanced and grounded.  It is not selfish to request some 'ME' time ... 

by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 8:56 PM

Sweetie I know exactly how you feel. I'm not a sociable person by nature, I don't know why. Going out with my girls stresses me out, and going out without them and my DH makes me anxious. I used to be very outgoing, and now I'm not.

I don't exactly love staying home, but the career I want I need to finish school for and I'm working on that. Before my second daughter I didn't know much about the SAHM life because I was a working mom from the time my ODD was 2 weeks old.

I wish I had advice, but I'm in the same boat as you. I can tell you that you're not crazy (at least I don't think so...but then again we might both be crazy wink mini) and you're definitely not alone. Hugs

by Mariah on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:17 PM
I find that a mixture of part routine, part me time, part being overwhelmed (ok more than part of being overwhelmed!) has really shaped being at home for me.

I have found that taking time for me is a real sanity saver. Whether it is when the kids are napping, when I am running or working out (I highly recommend some sort of physical activity! It helps), or just plain old grocery shopping by myself gives me time to be myself.

It really is easy to be overwhelmed taking care of the kids. Once you reign in what is important to you, you will find success and happiness. Hang in there mama.
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by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:21 PM

You aren't crazy... I've had a tough transition too (especially since I always made more money than my hubby.) I would see if there are any groups of moms on FB that you could join and/or investigate your local church (if that's your kind of thing... I actually started one at my local church.)

If you ever need a listening ear, I know you don't know me but I'm always available.


by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 9:31 PM
I don't have any advice though I intend to read all your responses I can tell you aren't crazy. I feel exactly the same way. I was a single mom with two toddlers, years of infertility and other obstacles ended my marriage and caused my ex husband to decide to move away and end contact with our two kids. We made it work since I married straight out of high school I never worked before and took a,minimum wage assistant position in a nice Christan daycare and worked my way up to an infant room teacher and eventually a teacher for 6 weeks to 6 months in a big corporate daycare making twice the money. I was really proud of myself and the life I'd made for me and my kids even though I really missed them during the day. Then I met someone and it was nice not to be alone. He fit into our life nicely, though when his son came to visit it wZ a challenge. Then I found out I was pregnant. Then we found out his son was going to come live with us. There's no way we could afford daycare so everything has changed and it's crazy here and I'm hating it. I miss my job I miss my friends and I feel stuck at home with a step kid who hates me and baby who needs constant attention and my kids,who liked things better before. Feel free to send a friend invite if interested!
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