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I don't want to resent my kids

Ok, so I am new at this. I recently remarried and had a 3rd child because this was my husbands first kid. I have 2 other kids from my previous marriage to my high school sweetheart. I have always been a career women and was self employed by the age of 22. I was probably the most confident in myself At that time for those accomplishments. After I remarried, I moved away from my business and my family to a new little town where your not really accepted as a newbie in town. I am a stay at home mom for the first time ever and I am more than overwhelmed with an 11 yr old boy, 7yr old girl, and a very active 2 yr old girl. My self worth flew out the window a while back and I am really fearful that I am beginning to resent having my youngest. I'm sure it has to do with all the changes in my life (marriage, unemployed, new environment) which were choices of my own will. All of the above has also caused a lot of strain on a new marriage, because i never seem to find myself happy these days. There is not a mother's day out program, or anything in my area, and making new friends with a little one who is into everything, and keeps my anxiety raging is really difficult especially when the other person has older more self efficient children. My guilt comes from those who can only wish to stay at home, like I once used to, but now I am sitting here whining about it. I need a hobby and I need out of this house. Please tell me I'm not crazy...lol!
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 12:49 AM
Replies (71-80):
newmom10142011
by New Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 10:04 AM

seriously if you moved there ar any town near there you will want to move away i lived there for five years and i was miserable the whole time. that town is very prejudice against new people unless your rich when you move there

Quoting newmom10142011:

did you move to Lindale?

Quoting Mommaofthree722:

Thanks ladies :) I will look and see what I can come up with. I live in a town of about 500 with surrounding towns of the same population here in the great state of Texas. The bigger areas are all about an hour away. You ladies have given me some great ideas and maybe the push I needed that my head was too clouded to see. Thank you

 


Mommaofthree722
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 10:08 AM

lol, No..Im in Batson, TX.

jeda1429
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 12:33 PM

You're not crazy. Being a stay at home mom, seems like an ideal situation, but in realiy it can be very depressing. Especially if you're not getting a lot of social interaction.  I am in a similar situation, and I find myself becoming resentful of my partner because he works late hour at  his job . I know it's not his fault and that his job supports us so I shouldn't be resentful, but it's definitley hard being home all day and not having adult interaction.

MamaP0123
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 1:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Mommaofthree722,

Holy Moly, you sound just like me!! Only I have two little ones. I have two girls 18 months and 4 months!! YIKES !

I myself have worked since I was 16 years old and the first time I ever had to stop working was when I had my first child. Because my husband is a soldier, we had to move 4 hours away from where all our family is. So I know NO ONE where I am. Not only that, he has to go away for weeks or months at a time (and if ever deployed for much longer). In my situation, for me to get a job it isn't worth the cost I'd have to pay in daycare for two kids under the age of 2!! I miss working and socializing and sometimes I complain and feel unhappy too!! I feel like my husband doesn't understand. He one time said, maybe I wasn't ready to become a mom... and well, like any woman... I lost it on him!! He has no idea what it's like to lose everything you ever had and start a whole new type of life and be perfectly adjusted to it!! I always had a job, I always saw my family members, always socialized, went out, went to the gym, went where ever I wanted whenever I wanted and now I do what seems like nothing!! You took the words straight out of my mouth when you said your feeling of self worth is gone!! I told my husband I felt like this and he says, you're a great mother... but why do I feel like I want/need more???

Sadly, I still don't have a resolution but I wanted to answer your question... No, You're not crazy and No, You're not the only one out there!!

Maybe we can keep in touch in an attempt to keep our sanity!! :)

Good Luck and Hopefully hear back from you soon,

MamaP0123



X_marks_the_.
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 1:23 PM
Excellent advice!!!!!!!!!! Love, love, love!!!!

Quoting Roo1234:

You can make the choice of who you want to be and how you want to see the world.

If there isn't a mother's day our program, why not start one?  

If you are the go getting you profess to be, you know how to change things, how to start things, so take the bull by the horns and make the world around you better.


DeeDee205
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 4:44 PM

I had worked for 21 years straight before I moved to a different state, left  my friends and family, and decided to stay at home while just starting our family.  This was such a HUGE change for me, too.  Same as you, leaving the freedom to go out with friends, be it week nights or weekends, running out to go shopping whenever, wherever, plus being in a new area where I know noone.  I look at it this way, these early years with my children will go by so terribly fast, I don't want to miss a moment with them.  Yes, there are times I feel like I'm going stir crazy and being overwhelmed by tantrums, dirty diapers and laundry, but before I know it, they will be in school.  I have my whole life to make money and hang out with friends, but my children are little for only such a short time.  I want to spend every moment possible. 

When you feel yourself starting to get cabin fever, just remind yourself that it's going to pass sooner than you realize.  Enjoy these days. 

smile mini

ShellLee68
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 10:38 PM
1 mom liked this
i lived in Houston for about 5 years and I know what you mean about some of those smaller towns, especially if you moved from up north like i did. but that was a long time ago and I've since moved back up north....

no you are not crazy. I've been a part time sahm for 3 years and when school starts for both of them I'll be going back to work.

I also joined a MOMS Club. Google MOMS club and you can search the website by state to see if they have one around you. there is also MOPS, mothers of preschoolers.

I've heard the term long days short years & it seems to ring true.


Quoting Mommaofthree722:

lol, No..Im in Batson, TX.


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Mommaofthree722
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:23 AM

Well today I made a breakthrough....I actually have created my own Stay at Home Moms playdate group through facebook and have about 10 moms from my area so far on board. Thankfully my older 2 are in school so I was able to get in contact with some school moms for names of people and suggestions and they are adding members as I type. Gosh, this is exciting!! Since I am in charge of this I need some advice. Do the moms just mingle or do you come up with some type of agenda, or craft, etc so everyone participates that way nobody feels left out. Thats easy to plan for kids, but what about the moms? Women tend to be clickish and flock to the ones they know.

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Jan. 8, 2013 at 4:23 AM
It can be tough to go from one extreme to the next. The key is finding balance, not everyone can do one thing all time 100%.
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USCGAMECOCK92
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:41 PM
1 mom liked this

Hang in there mom!! I was 40 years old when I had my first and only child, my miracle girl. I have a B.S. in Pharmacy and have been practicing as a registered pharmacist since 1993. I didn't get married until I was 35 years old and had given up on getting pregnant when by God's grace I got pregnant. I was so excited throughout my pregnancy, but soon after she was born I realized that my life no longer my own. I had a precious little girl that depended on me and her daddy for Everything. I also realized that I couldn't just grab my purse and go or my husband and I couldn't just take off to the beach or mountains for the weekend at the last minute because we have this beautiful little girl that had to go with us. I had periods of resentment, some probably due to hormones and some probably due to selfishness on my part, but I know God had a reason for blessing us so late in life with our daughter and I wouldn't change a thing. She goes to daycare during the week, even on my week off from work, because that gives me some time for myself plus I have to pay whether she's there or not. Maybe you can find a daycare that allows for drop-ins so you can take some time for yourself because it can be very overwhelming to have a very active little one with not many outlets for all that energy. Children are a blessing from God and before we know it they will be grown up and not very dependent on us and we will start to wonder what we did with all of our spare time before we had them. Keep your chin up and know you are not alone. I can't give you a physical hug but here is a virtual hug that I hope will help. Take care of you!! BIG HUG coming your way!

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