7 year old accusing other children of touching them inappropriately, long but need advice
I have two children boy age 4, girl age 10. We have moved in with my boyfriend about 2 months ago. He has a boy age 7. The 7 year old is used to being the only child, and the center of dad's attention. I really think this is where these accusations are coming from. Here is what is going on.
A few nights ago the boys were playing on the computer together, the 7 year old came and told us that the 4 year old touched his butt. I called them in and told the 4 year old not to touch the other's butt again. About 5 minutes later the 7 year old came and said he did it again. Well dad blew up, saying that the 4 year old was inapproprately touching the 7 year old. Big argument resulted, it was behind closed doors but I know the children still overheard. I tried explaining that the 4 year old didn't do it in a sexual way, and probably only did it the second time because of the reaction he got from the older one the first time. I then brought in my 4 year old and explained to him about inapproprate touching and his private areas. I really never had the conversation with him before.
The next night I was watching the children, also my 10 year old was with them too. The children were walking down the hall into the kitchen one behind the other but pretty far apart, in this order 7, 4, 10. I was watching them come into the kitchen where I was. As soon as the 7 year old got to the kitchen he said to the 4 year old, "stop touching my butt." I as well as my 10 year old were watching and there was no possible way that the 4 year old touched him. When I told the 7 year old that I was watching and 4 year old didn't touch him he said, 'no he didn't touch him but he thought he might have." I explained to him about the seriousness of those kind of accusations. And his dad and I want him to come to us if someone does touch him, but he can't make these things up. A little while later, the same night the children were playing in one of their rooms. My 10 year old came to me and told me that the 7 year old claimed she touched his butt, but she didn't. I made them all go to dad and tell him, because it was the second time that he falsely accused them. Dad talked to him privately, I don't know the conversation.
Today, the 18 year old brother of the 7 year old, the 7 year old, and 4 year old were wrestling around, throwing each other around, tackling each other. The 7 year old came and told me that the 4 year old touched his butt. I shut down all the playing. The 18 year old was right there in the mix, he says nothing inapproprate happened. If 7 year old's butt was touched it was an accident because they were all wrestling.
I don't know what to do with this. The first night my 4 year old was pretty much accused of being a pervert even though he knows NOTHING what so ever about sex. Now I see the 7 year old falsely accusing both of the others. I think he is doing it to get attention from his dad. Also he overheard his dad and I arguing and may think this is a way to drive a wedge and get his dad back to himself. I really don't know what to do. I understand that dad is going to protect his child at all costs, but at the same time I am not going to have my child accused of things he is not doing, or labeled as having a problem that he doesn't have. Everyone is supposed to sit down tonight and talk about this but I really don't know where to go with the conversation. I want the 7 year old to know that it is ok to come to us if someone touches him inapproprately, but he also has to know that he can't make these accusations up.
ANY ADVICE IS GREATLY NEEDED!!