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advice please!

Posted by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 2:13 PM
  • 15 Replies

Okay so this has been bothering me, and I don't know how, or if I should address it.  I have a son whom I raised on my own as a single mother his first two years of life. At that point I met and felt in love with my bf whom took  my son as his own.  And him and I later decided to have a daughter together.  However, his father doesn't treat them equally as grandchildren.  When her birthday rolls around she gets presents.  My son does not.  When Christmas comes around she gets presents, my son does not.  This is really hurting my feelings that his father chooses not acknowledge my son as his grandson.  Should I let it be or speak up to him or my bf?

by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 2:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
StacyO722
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 2:17 PM
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 Not to be rude, but up until your BF becomes husband and adopts your son, he is not his grandfather. I would let your BF talk with his father and have him express how you are feeling. Maybe things will change, maybe they won't.

mommaFruFru
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 2:22 PM
I agree with pp.

Even if your son is adopted, it dosent mean there will be a connection with the *grandfather*

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luvemboth
by Silver Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 2:25 PM
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I would let bf talk to his dad if he wants to. He can explain how he views ds as his own, etc. I agree that it is rude to only get gifts for 1 kid, but technically he is "just" the gf's kid. Let bf explain that he is more than that.
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mermaid924
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 2:26 PM

Well my son calls my bf dad, he is, in his eyes dad.  I don't see why we have to become married and my son needs to be legally adopted for a grandfather figure,  My intent of this post isn't about the label "grandpa", it's about how he should have that grandfather to grandson reletionship with my son, if he's going to have it with my daughter.  agree or disagree?

Amybelle
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 2:29 PM

I have to agree with the PP's....you're his Sons GF you may have a child with his son but so far there is no commitment beyond that in his eyes, you could break up tomorrow for all he knows.

GOBryan
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 2:34 PM

Well...your son isn't his grandson. Just because your boyfriend chooses to consider him his son, doesn't mean his father has to.  It would be nice of him to get your son something even if he doesn't consider him a grandchild but that's really his decision. 

I agree with the others, if you bf wants to speak with his dad about it that's his decision. Maybe you should have a present prepared from bf's dad to your son on those occasions, just in case. 

PinkButterfly66
by Bronze Member on Jan. 4, 2013 at 2:37 PM
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That is just crappy. What did that little boy do to that old man to deserve not to be loved?  Absolutely nothing.  That old man needs to get an effing clue and love that little boy.  Like it or not, legally or not, he is part of the old man's extended family. If he's not going to accept your son, then I'd not let him have any contact with either children.  period.  You cannot play favorites and that is exactly what he is doing.

sabrtooth1
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 4:22 PM


Quoting mermaid924:   it's about how he should have that grandfather to grandson reletionship with my son, if he's going to have it with my daughter.  agree or disagree?


No, your CURRENT bf's father does NOT need to have a grandfather relationship with a child who is not related to him, by blood OR marriage.  Your first child is the child of someone his son is shacking up with  Your first child has his OWN grandparents, somewhere..

iamcafemom83
by Mariah on Jan. 4, 2013 at 4:29 PM
Even if he isn't the bio dad, how can any grandparent be this way with a child that is part of the family?:(

To be honest, I wouldn't expect anything. You can't force him to give a present. Unfortunately:)

You could be sure that "grandpa" gets a gift from each child on his own birthday and at Christmas. I would start there.
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jenschex79
by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 4:51 PM

 I would speak to your bf. children should not be treated differently weather biologically or not

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