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Is this normal?

Posted by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:41 PM
  • 9 Replies

My 7 year old son NEVER listens to me.  EVER.  He says ok, ok ok. through out me talking/yelling. He gazes off in some other direction, he fidgets, he bounces around, he WALKS AWAY (omg I feel like I'm gonna lose control when he does that!!) he is melodramatic (well Im just gonna run away from home then!).  I am so overwhelmed with this child, everything is a battle.  We have even had blowouts over me asking him to wipe his bottom!  At the end of telling him something his response will be something completely unrelated to what I said, ex "You CANNOT throw dirty used tissues on the floor!" his response "I really like my ds"  wtf???

Is this normal??

I can't teach him anything, I can't guide him on anything, everything is an argument and apparently I am just stupid and know nothing.  I feel like HE will be stupid and know nothing because he refuses to listen and learn.  And I do end up lecturing and shouting to try and get my point through to him although perhaps it's sheer frustration as i doubt any gets through that way either.

WHAT AM I DOING WRONG??? 

by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:41 PM
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Replies (1-9):
DaniandTom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 12:56 PM

Shouting will get you nowhere. Calm down and force him to pay attention AND respect you! If you have to take him by the shoulders and hold him in place, do it. Then speak calmly and in low tones and explain what it is you expect him to do. When he interrupts --and he will-- stop him mid sentence and say "This isn't up for debate! I want you to do this. Now.". He will probably interrupt you several times the first few times. Stop him each time. Don't allow him to give you grief and when he gets irritated and starts with his OK OK OK, stop him again and say very sternly "HEY! You will NOT use that tone with me, mister! Now go do what I told you to do."Still don't yell. When you yell they just tune you out. Since this is a new approach, he will be more likely to listen. If he doesn't do what you asked immediately, tell him again. Also explain to him what the consequences will be--no TV, no video games...whatever it is you decide to do. Make it reasonable. Not "No TV for a month!" because you probably won't stick to that. But 3 days? One day? You can do that and so can he. Enough to make him feel the pain but not enough to make him hate you. You're re-training him. It will take time and consistency but you can get a handle on this! Good luck!

atlmom2
by Platinum Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 1:03 PM
1 mom liked this
Consistant discipline.
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MeghMirab
by Meghan on Jan. 5, 2013 at 2:15 PM
1 mom liked this

Take away ALL his distractions. DS especially! That is a reward for good behavior. If you are rewarding the bad behavior then it might not change. Communicating is so important in any relationship but especially with your children. If you feel he is not listening to you sit him down and let him know how much that upsets you. Maybe in a different setting other than home. You guys can have a "date night" and do something that interest you both. 

Reassure him that you're there for him and to listen to him as well. I think 7 is a really hard age for boys but that is no excuse to make you feel bad. Explain to him why you do and say things. About him wiping his bottom... let him know you're saying that because you care. Instead of yelling how frustrated you are, shout positive things about him. "I LOVE YOU! It makes me so happy when you listen!" LOL 

Is he having a hard time in school? As far as listening to his teachers? Kids are soaking up knowledge even when you don't think they are. He will NOT be stupid. Seems like he's wanting to be the one in charge and with the authority. He needs to know that roll is not his and his role is to be the kid. But being a respectful child.  If you feel like it keeps getting worse going to see a therapist is a great idea for BOTH of you to be present. You might hear why he has been so defiant. 

sabrtooth1
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:03 PM

Have him evaluated for ALL emotional and learning disorders.  ADHD and Central Auditory Processing DIsorder are 2 big possibilitites.  With COPD, a person can HEAR, but they cannot properly PROCESS what they hear.  They may not be able to remember that they hear for more than a short while.  Sounds may be jumbled.  They may key in only on certain sounds, like a buzzing switch, but not to the human voice.  Start by asking your insurance company for referrals to pediatric neurologists, and a certified audiologist. 

428pm
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 3:07 PM

He's been evaluated, he has an attachment disorder, and it is a struggle for me to cope with it tbh.  He's seen a audioligist, I am partially deaf myself and thought he may be too since sometimes it was life I was not even speaking.  The audiologist (sp??) told me his hearing was above average, he was simply choosing to ignore me.  Fun times.

Quoting sabrtooth1:

Have him evaluated for ALL emotional and learning disorders.  ADHD and Central Auditory Processing DIsorder are 2 big possibilitites.  With COPD, a person can HEAR, but they cannot properly PROCESS what they hear.  They may not be able to remember that they hear for more than a short while.  Sounds may be jumbled.  They may key in only on certain sounds, like a buzzing switch, but not to the human voice.  Start by asking your insurance company for referrals to pediatric neurologists, and a certified audiologist. 


frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jan. 5, 2013 at 4:36 PM

I suggest writing down the rules in bold letters in all the areas where he acts up.   list clearly the consequences of not following such rules.   That way there needs to be no yellng nor debates about what the expectations are.  What are his consequences for when he does not listen to you?  It seems like there may not be any follow through, just yelling.   Yelling shows him that he has the control to make you lose your control.

Aubreys_mommie
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 5:04 PM
1 mom liked this

i have a 5 year old who is almost 6.. and sometimes i feel like i get no respect! so i know how hard it can be NOT to yell and scream..but you cant take the easy way out. you have to show self control before you can expect it of anyone else.. especially your child.. when i feel myself escalating .. i tell him to clean his room and i walk away.. get something to drink, wash a few dishes, etc.. and when ive calmed down.. i return to him and explain to him on terms he can understand.. what the problem is and how i expect for him to fix his end of it.. we all make mistakes as parents.. but do not let a repeated one shape his whole future.. and yours.. you two will always power struggle like this until somebody *you* .. takes the lead control of the situation and themselves... 

Emiliush
by on Jan. 5, 2013 at 7:04 PM

hahaa!!! thats how my 7 y/o brother is!!! i started telling him twice right away!!!!!!!! then he listens! it is annoying!!!!!

well at that age kids trying to do everything by themselves. let him learn from his mistakes and see that his choice isnt working and things dont work that way.

Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Jan. 5, 2013 at 9:54 PM

Maybe he is tuning you out? My daughter is very sensitive to loud noises. We can't even yell upstairs for her, she gets upset. So if she is in trouble I have to sit down and talk to her about why she shouldn't do this or that, and why. 

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