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Should I be upset with my DD?

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 11:37 PM
  • 6 Replies

My DD's dad called today to talk to her.  She completely refuses and wont speak with him, this has been going on for most of the time that he calls.  She is 5 and not big on the phone anyways, but I feel it rude that she wont speak with him.  I dont know if I should repremand her or not. I tell her that she is being rude, but she is a stubborn child and doesnt seem to care. I can tell it hurts his feelings and even though hes my ex I think she should respect him more and at least speak to him.

By the way her dad is in jail and doing work release, so besides seeing her for 2 days a month for 24 hour periods between his work schedule changes they only get to interact on phone.  Before he got in trouble we had a 50/50 custody arrangement so she would spend 2 weeks with him and then 2 weeks with me.  She doesnt understand hes in jail and she thinks he is working alot.  I think she gets confused too as to why she cant see him like she used too.

Should I scold my daughter for not talking to him or should I just let it be?  I also think he thinks I have something to do with this, but I dont. I encourage her to talk with him.  Maybe I am making a big deal out of it.  Advise would be good.

by on Jan. 6, 2013 at 11:37 PM
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by Platinum Member on Jan. 6, 2013 at 11:48 PM

I would explain that he would come see her if he could.  Dont force it though as much as you want to.

by Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 12:03 AM

Thank you

I will let it be next time. He can get mad at us, but it was his poor decision that put us in this situation so I guess he can deal.  I just hate that she has to be confused and now wont speak to him.

by Silver Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 12:15 AM

Tell your ex that you have nothing to do with her not wanting to talk on the phone, he may be feeling resentment towards you. Some kids just don't want to talk on the phone, especially when it's not on their schedule. But, you do need to tell her if she's being rude, teach her to say nicely "how are you, dad?"  And teach her to tell him at least one thing that is going on in her life, she's not too young to have good phone manners.

by Silver Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 12:19 AM
5 is a funny age. Old enough to form a solid opinion, but not mature enough to understand what is really going on.
Have you thought about having her see a therapist to discuss the issues she seems to be having.
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by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 12:44 AM

Just some thoughts...

She may be feeling angry, confused, or sad about why visitation has changed. Children tend to automatically blame themselves when some living arangement changes with parents or there is another major change within the family. She may be feeling guilty...that she "caused" something, and it's possible she is pulling away out of that guilt/sadness/anger.

It may be a good idea to talk with her and ask her how she feels about not seeing him as much as she used to. I think it's okay to ask if she feels like she's "bad"..... this may give you an opportunity to reassure her that she is still loved and accepted for who she is. That is all children really want from their parents, in my opinion.

You many also want to think about looking into a therapist for her just as the post above mentioned. My 9 year old dd has been seeing a therapist since she was 4. It's been a huge support for her and for me.

by Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:08 PM

Thank you for your posts.  I never really thought about a therapist.  I might look into it.  I think partially it has to do with she doesnt want to stop what she is doing to talk to him.  At the beginning of the change in visitation she would ask if she would stay with dad a long time and when I told her no she then told me she has already seen me a long time.  I do try to explain to her that dad has some things he needs to work out and when he has worked them out she will be able to go with him a long time again. Ive never acted as if she had done something wrong, but it seems to me she is pulling away emotionally from him, but maybe she is just getting over not seeing him.  I will try talking to her about her feelings though.  Thank you for the advice.

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