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Moving Dilemma. Honest Opinions please.

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:52 PM
  • 19 Replies

My exdh and I have 2 children together ages 6 and 7. After we separated my exdh moved 600 miles (9 hour drive) away. We were both born and raised in this area we were living before the separation.  At first he said it was a temporarily move but he has since remarried and has no intentions on moving closer back to where the kids and I still live I  even tried a compromise, if he moved a few hours south closer to us, we would move a few hours north closer to him. He then could see the kids every weekend. His job is extremely flexible bc he is an offshore worker. His job pays for his transportation to and from work no matter where he is in the US.  We have 50/50 custody both legal and physical, and no child support either way, although they go to school with me, so they are here more of course. 

I am engaged. I have been with my SO for 5 years. My SO and I had talked about moving closer to where the kids father moved too. That way the kids can see their dad more often. My SO is fine with us moving closer to them, even though it puts us away from both our families and fiends. Well my SO was just offered a job making  4 times the amount he currently makes. The downfall is it is 1800 miles away from where my ex is.  SO has been in their lives since they were 1 and 2. They see him as dad as well.  

We are torn. Where SO's new job is located is a beautiful area, good schools, and it is a job he will love to do. He has left the decision up to me. If we move with him, the kids won't see their father as much. My SO would only be able to visit a week every few months if we move closer to the kids father. I need to add in, SO and I have a 2 year old together and we will be married later this year.  

My feelings is starting to lean towards.... Because my exdh decided to move away and continue to stay where he is for his happiness, then why shouldn't  I move with my SO for my happiness?  My exdh didn't take into consideration the lack of seeing the kids when he moved, or he took it into consideration and didn't think moving closer to be near them was worth the move back. I had suggested that exdh and I both move closer to the middle of where we are currently and he said he likes where he is and doesn't plan on moving. 

Our custody order does not prevent either of us from moving. We only have to give a 60 day's notice before we move where we are moving too. We are each responsible for half the cost of travel for the kids to go to the other parent for holidays and such.

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:52 PM
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by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:07 PM
4 moms liked this

If I were you I would go where your Fiance has the new job offer,if you have the chance to start over with plenty of extra money in this economy you should jump on it.Like you said your ex was not concerned with much when he decided to make his move but his happiness ,and you and your new family should not always have to take him into consideration before you do anything...he obviously doesn't give his own kids that much thought so he shouldn't be a factor in the decision where he can afford the transportation to see the kids when it's his turn for visitation.You and your new Husband to be should have a fresh start at a new life just lie anyone else and also just like your ex did.

by Barb on Jan. 8, 2013 at 2:42 PM
1 mom liked this

You and your fiance need to be where the jobs are.

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:04 PM

Yes. Move. Why not?

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:12 PM

Go with your SO.

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:18 PM
1 mom liked this
Go with SO. Ex made his choice, therefore he no longer gets to control where you live.
It may be that if he really want them to stay close to him , it will be summer/ breaks thing.
But your allegiance is to the familial unit you have now, not the old one.
Good luck.
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by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 5:29 PM

I agree with you on the fact that he didn't take you or his kids into consideration when he moved so why should you?

You should move with your SO. He will make more money, you said it's beautiful with good schools. I would do it, if I were you.

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:46 PM

Thank you ladies for your replies so far. One of you said we should go where the jobs are. The new job would quadruple our current income.  That is a big change for us. We could actually save money and quit living pay check to pay check. The kids could do after school activities that I couldn't afford before.  So that is a major plus.

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 6:59 PM

Move with your fiance to his new job offer for sure. Like you said, nothing stopped your ex husband from moving away when he did. Do what you think will make you, your kids, and your fiance happy :)

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 7:34 PM
How often does ex see the kids now? Just from what you posted, it sounds like he's already put his life up there before them. Ex aside, would you be ok with being that far from all your family and support? The move sounds like a great opportunity and I'd do it...unless ex is a huge part of their lives and a great father to them (Not for ex's sake, I'd hate to take the kids from that)...but it doesn't sound like it from his move.
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by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 10:59 PM

I'd move!

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