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okay so i need some advice!

My partner is terrible when it comes to gifts. I love him dearly, but it kinda makes me very upset! I love holidays and birthdays and i feel when that time comes people should go all out.

For my birthday he just took me out to eat which was ok but i kinda expected more. For Christmas i got him 2 very large expensive canvases because he is a painter, a wii and an xbox game, and a star wars coffee cup. what did he get me? a $10 i tunes card... ok, think im over reacting? For our last anniversary i painted something beautiful that took a week and gave him a nice card, what did he get me? oh! thats right, he didnt get me anything...

His birthday and valentines day is around the corner and im still upset about all the other stuff. I always go out for him but now im thinking whats the point! He might not even remember to get me anything.

So what should i do? should i stop going all out? I dont wanna hurt his feelings by telling him this because he is very sensitive. Does anyone else have this problem?



CafeMom Tickers
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 1:49 PM
Replies (11-20):
KelliansMom
by Silver Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 2:25 PM

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ you can now take a test 

Quoting DaniandTom:

Read the five love languages by Dr Gary Chapman. In it, he explains how people show love in different ways and how if you're the kind of person who shows love by giving gifts, you're going to be disappointed by someone who shows love in different ways. He may show his love for you by doing things around the house or by handing over his paycheck at the end of the week. He might be someone who doesn't appreciate the big expensive gifts but really appreciates a hand-knitted scarf or sweater. You just need to find how he expresses his love for you, do that for him and explain what you would like. I'm married to a man who is like that too. He never got more than a coffee cup from the dollar store from his ex or kids and when I came around, I showered him with gifts. He didn't know what to make of it! In turn, he got me a drying rack for my sweaters so I didn't have to lay them around the house. WT...??? It took me a while and finding this book to understand how he shows his love is different than how I show my love. 


Maddymouse
by Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 2:36 PM

Im thankful for what i have, just because im fond of gift giving doesnt mean im unthankful. Also, he did not remember my birthday i just said lets go out for my birthday and he said oh yeah, alright. I still love him, i just like the idea of gift giving.

LeetjieJ
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 2:50 PM
I am a terrible gift-giver myself; I love giving them, I'm just terrible at hitting on the right thing!
What I appreciate, & have asked dh & ds's to do is give me a list of things (ranging from smallish to huge) that they'd like. They update from time to time.
As a less than gifted giver, I appreciate people communicating with me about their wants.
Btw, The Five Languages of Love is an excellent read, just generally. (There is one aimed towards teens too)
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alexis_06
by AnnaLisa on Jan. 13, 2013 at 3:14 PM

 have you ever just said something like ok so for birthdays/holidays this year we should put a limit of $50 on each other.

i get what you mean tho, it's frustrating...i know i'm a terrible gift giver, which is why i normally just give people giftcards...cuz at least i know what i spend my money on will come in handy..lol..however, in return i end up with like a blanket (i'm ALWAYS hot)..or some ugly candle set (dont like smelly things)...or flowers..(i HATE flowers)..dont get me wrong, i appreciate the thoughfullness from the person..but..realllllllly????? if theyre friends/family..or in your case your partner...they should know you better!!

fullxbusymom
by Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 3:23 PM

Tell him exactly what you want.  Then you get what you want and he doesn't have to try and guess.

DaniandTom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:56 PM

Awesome! Thanks KelliansMom!

Quoting KelliansMom:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ you can now take a test 

Quoting DaniandTom:

Read the five love languages by Dr Gary Chapman. In it, he explains how people show love in different ways and how if you're the kind of person who shows love by giving gifts, you're going to be disappointed by someone who shows love in different ways. He may show his love for you by doing things around the house or by handing over his paycheck at the end of the week. He might be someone who doesn't appreciate the big expensive gifts but really appreciates a hand-knitted scarf or sweater. You just need to find how he expresses his love for you, do that for him and explain what you would like. I'm married to a man who is like that too. He never got more than a coffee cup from the dollar store from his ex or kids and when I came around, I showered him with gifts. He didn't know what to make of it! In turn, he got me a drying rack for my sweaters so I didn't have to lay them around the house. WT...??? It took me a while and finding this book to understand how he shows his love is different than how I show my love. 



KelliansMom
by Silver Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 10:00 PM
Your welcome :) it's a great tool to use.

Quoting DaniandTom:

Awesome! Thanks KelliansMom!

Quoting KelliansMom:

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ you can now take a test 

Quoting DaniandTom:

Read the five love languages by Dr Gary Chapman. In it, he explains how people show love in different ways and how if you're the kind of person who shows love by giving gifts, you're going to be disappointed by someone who shows love in different ways. He may show his love for you by doing things around the house or by handing over his paycheck at the end of the week. He might be someone who doesn't appreciate the big expensive gifts but really appreciates a hand-knitted scarf or sweater. You just need to find how he expresses his love for you, do that for him and explain what you would like. I'm married to a man who is like that too. He never got more than a coffee cup from the dollar store from his ex or kids and when I came around, I showered him with gifts. He didn't know what to make of it! In turn, he got me a drying rack for my sweaters so I didn't have to lay them around the house. WT...??? It took me a while and finding this book to understand how he shows his love is different than how I show my love. 



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Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Jan. 13, 2013 at 10:44 PM

I never understood the whole gift thing.  My husband and I are just happy to have another year together.

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catngabsmom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 11:05 PM

my husband is the $10 itunes gift giver, if i suggested a $50 limit, then i would be getting a $50 itunes card!

Quoting alexis_06:

 have you ever just said something like ok so for birthdays/holidays this year we should put a limit of $50 on each other.

Erica


Mom to
Caterina-11
Gabriella-9.5
hollydaze1974
by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 11:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Not sensitive enough it seems. Get ahold of his phone , mark dates and idea for gifts you'd really like.... And lay off your gift giving a bit ... For what you have listed, it would be kind if hard to compete. But really, give him a list of goodies and where to find them set an alarm two weeks and one week ahead of the holiday. Some men really have no clue, they either did listen to you gush over that purse, or they did and it went into the Z file or their mind,
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