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ADVICE ON MY BOYFRIENDS EX! Am I being Unreasonable??

Posted by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 8:46 PM
  • 8 Replies

Hi everyone, I just started this site and I  would really appreciate some advice because I feel like I am going through some type of depression or something! I have been wih my boyfriend for five years now. We have a two year old boy together. However, my boyfriend has two more boys who are 7 and 8 from a previous relationship with a girl he met in high school. They were only 14 years old when they had their first son together.

Ever since I have been with my boyfriend, his ex has done nothing but talk trash about me and my family who she never met. I never did anything to this girl and I was very nice to her when I bumped into her. Once I had my son three years into our relationship, that was the first time she finally left me alone and stopped texting me mean things. Now, she acts like she never did anything mean to me.

Now the other part to this is that my boyfriends family have always been very close to her. My boyfriend is not though, he has no communication with her at all. His family used to ask me to leave or to hide my car when ever she would come over to his house. (This was before I had my son with him). I was really hurt and once his sister said, " I wouldn't want to see my ex boyfriend with his girlfriend".

Up to this day, my boyfriends mother takes pictures of my bf and his ex together with their kids, the ex is always at his mother's house just hanging out, she comes to every single family function and I have to share it with her and his family which makes me really uncomfortable. They know that I do not like her being around but they still always invite her. The mother never invites me on outings but always invites the ex. His sister calls the ex her "sister", and goes out with her all the time as well but never invites me out.

The ex has done very mean things to his family as well. For instance, she stole the mothers jewelry worth thousands that they found out she had pawned. She constantly takes away his two boys from them, and will not answer anyones calls when they call her. His family talks so much trash to my face about her but act like they love her to her face. I am so fed up with dealing with his family choosing her over me. I was always so nice to his family and I put up with her and everyone knew how much I hated it. Now I just feel like they only care about her feelings and not mine. So I  just want to stop all communication with his family. But, his mother helps me out with my son a lot like buying him clothes. I feel like I am the ex and she is his gf. Sometimes I will not even show up to family functions because she is going to be there and they do not care that I do not go. What do I do? Am I being immature? Thanks for any advice!!

by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 8:46 PM
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Replies (1-8):
by Platinum Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 8:49 PM
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Oy that is a fustercluck.   I would just stick to taking care of my family and let them dwell in their cycle of drama. It sounds like everyone is stuck in the past. 

by Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 8:59 PM
Sounds to me like they are afraid not to be nice to her. As she may take the grandkids and never let them see them.

I kno that my husbands family tells me all the time if it comes down to it its me and the kids over him. He also knows this as well.
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by on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:03 PM
It sounds like they want to stay a part of your boyfriend's children's lives. You shouldn't blame them for that. It's a difficult situation for everyone. I think you should cut them some slack.
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by Platinum Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 9:54 PM

 They do have to remain cordial to the woman as she is the mother of their grandchildren but I can understand why their behavior upsets you.   I really don't think it is appropriate to invite the ex to family gatherings when there is a new "spouse".  It really is up to your boyfriend to step in and talk to his family on your behalf.

by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 10:13 PM
Whether anyone likes it or not she is the gatekeeper to the older grandchildren. She has been a part of their lives for a long time. The reality is that they know if they don't cater to her they will lose all contact with the children and they aren't willing to gamble that she would back down if pushed.

No, it isn't fair but I doubt it will change.
by Member on Jan. 13, 2013 at 10:29 PM
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Ex needs to find herself a new man.
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by Member on Jan. 14, 2013 at 7:54 AM
Doesn't your bf have a custody agreement with the children? How is she the gatekeeper to the grandchildren? Can't your bf's family see them when they are with their dad? I completely understand your feelings and discomfort. The ex really doesn't need to be at the family functions. I think that is inappropriate with the exception of the children's birthday parties. I would ask your bf to speak with his family.

My DD s father would talk trash about his ex and he would help her out cause they had a kid together and then I found he was cheating on me with her. So I can completely relate your not being comfortable with her and no you are not being immature. By the way my DD s father is now my ex because of what the other girl and he did.
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by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 10:44 AM

They are your bf's family and not yours. You can cut off his family. You keep your child and yourself away from them. Bf's family = his problem. They will realize that they have pushed you away (possibly) and might change. I would not want to be around anyone who does not respect me. And I certainly would not expose my child to that either.

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