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Teenage dating???

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 7:13 PM
  • 11 Replies

We have a 15 yr old boy that lives down the street and he is in 10th grade (early bday) and very smart.

My dd is 14 and in 7th grade (late bday and got held back a year). 

The boy is in band with my son.  So we know him pretty well and he seems like a good kid.  I think he and my dd are trying to become an item.  I am not quite sure how to react.  I am not sure if it bothers me more that he is 3 grades ahead of her or that I don't care for his family and their drama.  His cousin dated my son and she was a tramp and almost 2 years older than my son.  Fortunatly she moved out of town to live with her real mother when she turned 18, so we didn't have to worry about her anymore.  Or the fact that 3 years ago I caught him sneaking around my back yard while helping his sister sell chocolate for school.  I dont think he had any mal intent but I had to threaten him to get him to leave.  I know from what my son says he is still seeing a girl in high school and I do not want my daughter to be a pawn in his little games.  She hasn't had a "real" boyfriend yet with all the dating and stuff I wont allow it but she has had her little boyfriends/crushes at school and on fb.  If she had not failed a year she would still only be in 8th grade. SO we are talking about a boy who is about to be able to drive and possibly asking her out on a DATE!!! eeeeeekkkkk  he will come over and wait for her even though none of the other kids are home.  She told me she had a crush and his first initial was S, his name is Sam.  They sit next to each other on the couch and play pinchy fingers.  I am sooo glad I am not working so I can monitor this situation!!!

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 7:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PinkParadox
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 7:15 PM
She's too young. Group date maybe, with chaperone. No one on one until 16.
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Jebekarue
by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 7:25 PM

Oh I agree about the 16, but I guess what I am searching for is how to handle what is obviously trying to develop into something, and maybe trying to get a sideview on what would be limits you would place.  Should I not allow them to sit on the couch next to each other (They are ALWAYS supervised by me or DH) ugh it seemed so much easier with my son

jamiekakes6
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 11:20 AM
Well you definitely can't forbid the dating because then she will just like him more. I would go with fully supervised interaction, and more than likely sooner rather than later she'll either decide she doesn't like him or he'll decide to move on to less supervised options.
You have to consider his classmates are older.. driving, and have more freedom.
I would also try to go out of my way during this period to distract your daughter with other things. Shopping trips, having friends over, starting a new project or activity together.
I know u say this boy seems like a good kid but the things that you describe seem strange to me. If I ever had to threaten a child to leave my yard because he didn't just leave when caught or told to, I would be very cautious to allow him back. Especially if I had a daughter that he may have an eye on!
All in all, I would say proceed with caution and eyes wide open!
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AmyL3469
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 11:23 AM

If they like each other, they like each other. If you try and stop it, they'll try harder to be together, or whatever kids do that young. I agree that if they want to have a 'date,' go with them, be in the same house with them until you trust them. This was never an issue for me as a teen because my mom trusted my judgment and gave me permission to hang out with anyone I wanted to pretty much, just as long as she knew the person and parents. 

eoewan
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 11:26 AM

The more you block the relationship the more tempting and desirable he will become to your dd. They are only one year apart - the grade difference is nothing to be concerned about. Chaperoning is a great idea. I would not leave them alone but don't forbid the relationship from happening. Personally, kids shouldn't date (be alone) with each other until they are 16 at least.

Good luck.

DaniandTom
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 11:34 AM

Stick to your guns, mama. She's too young to date IMO but if you feel he's not good for her, then squash the situation ASAP. At her age she'll have crushes that last about a minute so hopefully, you can wait this one out. It's got to be difficult for her being so much older than her classmates because as we all know, boys mature slower than girls so the boys she's exposed to are significantly "younger" than her. Sign her up for softball or karate or something where she will meet kids her own age so she can have more to choose from. I think you're right to be concerned about his family. Children learn from their surroundings how the world works and how to interact with it. It's a rare individual who can rise up above a poor upbringing...
Good luck! ♥Hugs♥ 

savingtheworld
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 1:13 PM
Same issue.. I have a 15 yo daughter..an no absolutely no dating!! Especially boys that drive! Stick to your rules!!
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LindaClement
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 1:48 PM

First: you can't paint the boy based on his cousin. Look around at your own family (and their behaviour in their teens) for the simple reason for that.

Second: I believe that children need to know that 'dating behaviour is mating behaviour' ... although 14 is probably too late to be finding that out for the first time. 

Definitely, staying within earshot and knowing what's going on is a very good idea. I think boys and girls suffer in the culture of 'you're totally on your own' that arises when they lack supervision in relationships. Take him with you when you all go to the movies, invite him over for dinner, or to 'games night' or any other way you can think of to include him, ensure they know he's welcome in your space and with your time... 

sabrtooth1
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 2:15 PM
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For all the people who say, "if you forbid the boy, it will only make her want him more" I say BALONEY!!  I would hope you are "forbidding" alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, and other inappropriate things.  Is your dd finding alcohol and drugs MORE enchanting?  Is she sneaking out of the house to score a sixpack??  If so, you have WAYYY bigger problems.  You are the parent.  It is your responsibility to place appropriate limits upon your child, regardless of what SHE wants.  You child is immature.  She failed 7th grade for God's sake!!  She does not need a boyfriend.  She does not need to "hang out" with this boy.  She does not need him, or ANYONE you disapprove of,  to come over to your house.  If you supervise her properly, and if she obeys you like she should, it should NOT be a problem to say, NO BOYS, NO HANGING OUT, NO UNAPPROVED VISITORS TO MY HOUSE.  It also should NOT be difficult for you to tell this boy, GO HOME.  DO NOT COME BACK.  Use your head.     

la_bella_vita
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 2:17 PM

 I think she's too young.

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