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Feeling anxiety about my son starting school

Posted by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 6:14 PM
  • 26 Replies

Hello! I really need some advise here. My son is 4, and I just had to register him for preschool screening Yesterday morning. For the last 2 days now, I've been having anxiety attacks when I think about him starting school. He's my first baby! I have a one year old daughter also.

I have been a stay at home mother ever since I was 5 months pregnant with him. My husband & I retained full custody of his 3 children from his first marriage & I took on the roll. I didn't like it at first, but I've grown to LOVE it! My step children call me mom, and I love them dearly. I was there when my youngest step daughter started preschool (as a matter of fact, I was the ONLY parent there with her. Her father was on a business trip and her birth mother could have cared less.) I didn't have a hard time with her going though-not like I am with my son! I teared up, I was proud of her and scared for her, but I was ok. WHY am I such a mess about my son going, and what advise can you please give me on how to just calm down and let life happen?!?! I just cannot imagine a day, or even a few hours without him. Help me cope with this PLEASE!


Thank you!

Distraught Mother of many

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 6:14 PM
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by Ruby Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 6:29 PM
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Kids have to grow up. Enjoy all the new phases. I am a new empty nester. Something you gotta be prepared for like kids going to school for the first time. I always celebrated my kids going to school. Empty nester was hard, but after the first 6 weeks, Dh and I are enjoying it. Dd just went back to college this week.
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by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:09 PM
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You know that his whole world is about to just explode with wonderful things! He will be running home to you each day brimming with things to tell you.  You certainly would never want to deny him any of the milestones that come with getting to be a Big Boy ... and you know that he is not going to need you one bit less than he does now.  Get ready to enjoy the heck out of this new phase.  To every thing there is a season!  

by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 8:56 AM
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I wish I could go back to that day, they grow so quickly!  My kids take the bus, so no fear of walking out of school crying, but if you do, you won't be the only one!  Realize that sending him to school is part of your job.  I'm sure you don't like cleaning the toilets, but you hold your breath and do it anyway.  Talk about school a lot during the summer.  Tell him how excited you are and how much fun he'll have.  Practice by having another mom watch him and take a turn watching her child.  Think out jointing a parent group where you can talk with other parents.  You may even consider an anxiety group.  He'll be okay and so will you!  Good luck!

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:00 AM
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Stay strong Momma!  There have been some great responses.  I just want to add - try to keep your chin up and 'fake it until you make it' excited when around him.  If he sense your anxiety he will react the same and it will make this difficult for him and more so for you.  I figure a big part of my 'job' as a Momma is to help my kiddos stand on their own and have the confidence to experience new things even without me and know that I will always be there for them to come home and tell me about it - so they can re-experience and I can share in the excitement!  His job is to learn - sometimes it will be things you don't like cause you can't control it, but it is all a learning experience.  You did it before with your step kids, you can do it again.  Take a deep breath, allow yourself all your fears and anxieties after everyone has gone to bed and try a mantra - something like...he will be ok, this is good for him...etc.etc.  Good luck! 

by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:08 AM
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This is a normal mommy reaction, but it is an important step for him.  Although preschool isn't necessary, kindergarten is required by law in most states.  Some of the "mommy" anxiety is because we see the end of an era.  For five years (starting from your pregnancy) you have defined yourself as his mommy.  He needed you 24/7, and you loved your role.  Now he's starting school... and subconsciously at least, you're thinking about him graduating and leaving home, and you'll lose your identity.

Some mommies deal with this by having another baby.  Some mommies decide to keep their kids home another year and send them to kindergarten when they are six.  Some mommies homeschool.  Some mommies realize that this is all part of growing up, and they deal with it.  If you are really stressing out, you can talk to your doctor about getting a small prescription of anti-anxiety meds to get you through.  

by Mom2boys on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:57 AM
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I had anxiety when my oldest started preschool and kindergarten.  I also knew it was good for him and he would have fun!  I was right.  We are in First grade now and the joy on his face when he comes home from school is awesome.  

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by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:46 PM
U will be fine,since you are a stay mom,find activies to keep you busy throughout the day
1.Take a walk
2.Clear some hobbies you always wanted to do
3.Take up some yoga classes good for stress and anxiety
4.Visit family and friends( lunch,park,shopping)
5.Start a membership at a local Gym
All in all your son will be fine,the first couple of days he may cry its normal he was to adjust to new surrounding.Plus it gets you free time
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by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:00 PM

 I have 4 kids. My oldest starting school was fun and exciting. She is having a blast. It's made life "better".

by Platinum Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 7:12 PM
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OH the upsets of being a mom. He's your baby right? Try to make it a big deal of him becoming your lil man. I made sure I wore my sunglasses (to hide my tears lol) I also took pics to mark the occasion. They say time heals all and it truly does. You are not alone in feeling this way so try to relax and keep your tears hidden from him because you don't want him to feel bad about his new adventure into the world.hugs

by Barb on Jan. 17, 2013 at 7:34 PM
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It is so hard, for the mom, when they start school. You'll have more time to spend with your daughter. And he won't be gone forever, just a few hours, and then he'll be home again and have new experiences. When you feel panic coming on,  breathe out slowly and try to think happy thoughts about the new friends he'll make and about how well you have raised him.

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