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I've been advised not to move into HIS house. Do you agree?

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I've been with my bf for almost 2yrs and he has asked several times for me to move in. i have several reasons why i haven't yet but i just wanted to get some other views on whether YOU would do it or NOT?
I mean, Have you? and if so was it a mistake?
He has 4 kids but none live with him full time just every weekend and all summer.
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 11:42 PM
Replies (21-30):
lavagirl27
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:31 PM

i have moved in with a boyfriend more than once and i deeply regret both times, for some people it works out but for others it doesnt. living together comes with a price you know when youre bf comes over and ther are certain things you dont do in front of him well you have nowhere to hide if you move in together. it is your choice but 2 yrs is not long enough in my book to know someone that was my mistake not gettting to really know who the real person i was with and not only the part he wanted me to see.

 

JTE11
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:34 PM

No, I wouldn't move in with a guy even if it wasn't his place.  It's much easier to keep a proper perspective when you don't stand to lose your home if you break up. My gf lived with her bf for seven years. The whole time he kept saying they'd get married eventually. She helped him build a new home (literally did construction work), spent her own money on it, bought groceries, planted flowers, paid bills. She thought it was 'their' home but it wasn't ever that because after seven years of him getting the milk for free as they say it became apparent that he was just using her and was never going to propose. And then she couldn't leave right away because she had nowhere to go.  She ended up moving back in with her dad at age 36. So no, I wouldn't recommend it!

MrsKish
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:35 PM

I hope things work out so to can decied as couple to move forward :)

Quoting mylilgooberpea:

Quoting MrsKish:



Hih good point. No we arnt living together. I only spend the night on the weekends. Only go to his house due to the fact im renting the upstairs appt of my parents house. Im getting teally tired of cleaning 2 houses working full time and "packing/movinginand out" every weekend. Yes I have things at his house but cloths for my son and I. Hes never been married and is in batchlor mode.


momtoBrenna
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:06 PM

In your situation, I would have him move in with you. Being surrounded by his family is a recipe for disaster. My dh and I moved in together very quickly and had known each other for about 5 months before we started dating. I want to say we knew each other for about 6 months and were dating for 1 month when I moved in. Neither of us had kids at the time. We have been together for 9 years as of Feb 7th and married for 7.5 yrs as of Feb 20th. We have 2 children, dd will be 7 on the 24th and ds is 4.5 (5 in July). 

turtle07
by Rhiannon on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:07 PM
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om1970
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:30 PM
wow awesome advice everyone, any experiences and advice appreciated. my reasons for not feeling comfortable with it is because i have my own place (renting) and if i give it up then say 3 yrs down the road we decide it wont work i'm out without a place to go. i don't have parents to move in with (not that i'd want to anyhow) i don't want to bother friends and anymore when u get an apartment u hafta have 1st and last months rent plus security deposit which would take a bit to get with my income so it worries me being i don't only have me to worry about but my 8yr old as well. plus his family being all around us is alittle intimidating to me cuz i know they are busy bodies to some degree, i mean they are great but then again i haven't lived near them yet lol. My bf is discouraged that i wont move in cuz we can't afford to go out n get our own place yet and it'll prolly be a good 5 or more years before we're able to and he says there's no reason for us to rent when he hasta pay over $700 for his place whether we live there or not. i dunno, its a difficult situation :(
MrsKish
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:05 PM

sounds like my DH's family ugh, if you don't stand your ground it will never work. i'm guessing he has a real rental agreement with his family? do you know the terms if so?

Quoting om1970:

wow awesome advice everyone, any experiences and advice appreciated. my reasons for not feeling comfortable with it is because i have my own place (renting) and if i give it up then say 3 yrs down the road we decide it wont work i'm out without a place to go. i don't have parents to move in with (not that i'd want to anyhow) i don't want to bother friends and anymore when u get an apartment u hafta have 1st and last months rent plus security deposit which would take a bit to get with my income so it worries me being i don't only have me to worry about but my 8yr old as well. plus his family being all around us is alittle intimidating to me cuz i know they are busy bodies to some degree, i mean they are great but then again i haven't lived near them yet lol. My bf is discouraged that i wont move in cuz we can't afford to go out n get our own place yet and it'll prolly be a good 5 or more years before we're able to and he says there's no reason for us to rent when he hasta pay over $700 for his place whether we live there or not. i dunno, its a difficult situation :(


om1970
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 11:39 PM
Quoting MrsKish:

sounds like my DH's family ugh, if you don't stand your ground it will never work. i'm guessing he has a real rental agreement with his family? do you know the terms if so?



Its not a rental agreement exactly, they all (6 of them) own several acres of land that they moved mobile homes and double wides onto and if someone dies or moves away its still the "family" property. it will eventually get passed to the children of the family then the childrens children, etc. My bf also is building a business on the property that he wants me to help run,,,,, sooooo if i would do this and even if we would get married lets say in 10yrs he dies, i gotta find another place to live and find an income cuz all that will convert to his family and i will have nothing. See now i don't want this to sound like i'm trying to be selfish or greedy cuz its not like i want his families property or his business but if something happens i want to be able to survive and take care of myself and my child,,, he doesn't really understand that. His kids will be very much taken care of with the property and the life insurance he has on himself for them but i will hafta start over.
Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 5:13 AM
1 mom liked this

There are a lot of potential problems, when you live with a man, married or not, you have to deal with his family, and they are usually going to come first, so if they're always "in his business" that's a big ole red flag. Not to mention his kids, you have to be on the same page about parenting styles and money and discipline.



Quoting om1970:

Quoting MommeisQueen:

I guess it depends on the people in the relationship and what you want from the relationship. Who advised you not to move in? Did they give a reason?



we've talked marriage but he wants to live together first. friends are mainly the ones that said don't do it. reason is because he lives near family (all around him) and they're always in his business, its a family property that they all have together, they've all been born and raised there together. only one sister moved away and thats the only one that has stayed married, the rest (3 others) divorced and still single,,, a little scarey.



JTriches
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 4:47 PM

Have your own!!

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