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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Dealing with role reversal stay at home dad working mom

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:42 AM
  • 117 Replies

We are lucky really my husband is able t stay home and be with our newborn son. Of course this gender role reversal has its hardships. My husband doesn't seem to be able to multitask like I do so while I am at work the baby is being looked after but no chores (laundry, dinner, cleaning) is being done. When I try to bring this up my husband is just so overwhelmed he gets defensive and feels inadequate. I am working ten hour days when I come home I watch the baby I'm breast feeding so sleeping isn't happening and weekends I'm on baby duty too. Dinners have been either up to me to cook (he can't cook) and I'm exhausted. I just don't know how to make the situation better i am constantly on task work or home and my husband is constantly overwhelmed... Suggestions? 

by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
opal10161973
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:54 AM
16 moms liked this

Start making double batches of dinners on the weekends and days off, so all he has to do is heat leftovers.  Or freeze them for later, so all he has to do is thaw and reheat, so you have less cooking and he can help more.  Also, show him how to make easy dishes, if you can.  It may help him to feel like he's contributing more. 

Also, maybe he can make things like breakfast burritos, which are really easy, it's just scrambled egss with cheese and sausage, rolled into a burrito and makes a good freezer to microwave dinner or snack.  It takes hardly any time to make.  All you do is cook the sausage in chunks, scramble the eggs, add cheese and put it into a burrito.  Put them into a ziplok and freeze.  Preferably each in it's own ziplok for easy removal later.

It gets easier when the baby gets on a regular schedule and it will happen soon- hopefully. 

Gwendilla27
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:00 AM
4 moms liked this

Wow hope simple and brilliant! Just make food to freeze on the weekends. Haha I must be sleep deprived that didn't even occur to me. Thank you! 

caro100
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:14 AM
5 moms liked this

You look very young, I assume your husband is young too.  Crock pot.  Eventually, he will get better, but guys do seem to have this problem.  Guys have difficulty cleaning anyway.  We Moms have babied them too much.LOL Guess I'm telling on myself.

Gwendilla27
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:23 AM


Haha well thank you I'm actually 27 and my husband is 28. Lol I like to think his mom babied him too much at least she could've taught him to cook! :)

Quoting caro100:

You look very young, I assume your husband is young too.  Crock pot.  Eventually, he will get better, but guys do seem to have this problem.  Guys have difficulty cleaning anyway.  We Moms have babied them too much.LOL Guess I'm telling on myself.



caro100
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:29 AM
1 mom liked this

All I can say is, we try, we really do, but some how they just really get out of doing things.  I taught both my boys to clean and do laundry, but it is a uphill battle to get them to do it and they are both grown and still at home.  I think the oldest will do okay, since he does know how, he has always balked at cooking, but he was a short order cook, so I'm pretty sure if he applied himself he could do better than ramen noodles and pizza.

Quoting Gwendilla27:


Haha well thank you I'm actually 27 and my husband is 28. Lol I like to think his mom babied him too much at least she could've taught him to cook! :)

Quoting caro100:

You look very young, I assume your husband is young too.  Crock pot.  Eventually, he will get better, but guys do seem to have this problem.  Guys have difficulty cleaning anyway.  We Moms have babied them too much.LOL Guess I'm telling on myself.




Bleacheddecay
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:31 PM
8 moms liked this

1.) If you were staying home how would you feel about him judging you like you are him? I see this happen all the time. I think it's unfair. I know when I was staying home with my first child I was exhausted and depressed. I got very little done.

2.) How do you expect him to cook if he doesn't know how. Teach him.

3.) Spend a day showing him how you would manage, maybe you'll inspire him if you are helpful and nice about it.

4.) Let it go and be glad at least one parent can stay home with your child.

5.) Make sure your husband has some alone time, friend time and yes, date time with you. Otherwise you are likely to see someone who loses their identity and self worth.

6.) Look for a part time job he can do when you are home. Idk why but just feeling like strangers value you can boost you up when you've been staying at home with the kids.

Jessy76
by Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 12:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Making extra dinners on the weekends and freezing is a great idea. Also crock pot dinners are great and super easy. You could also come up with a chart of small daily goals/tasks. Maybe Monday the goal is to do the floors while your son is napping, Tuesday it's the bathroom and so on then as he masters those smaller goals he can ad more to his day. Start slow and encourage each other everyday. I know sometimes it easier said then done at the beginning but if you make it a priority pretty soon you find it to be a habit. Also when you come home look for positives as you walk through the door. For example your son is clean and happy and has that new baby smell that we all LOVE or how sweet DH looks sitting in the chair holding your little man.

Pukalani79
by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:00 PM
3 moms liked this

 We did this for two years and it is difficult.  I firmly believe that men are simply wired differently than we are.  Our strengths and theirs dont always match up.  Either freeze meals ahead of time or start the crockpot in the mornings.  Do one load of laundry and very basic cleaning in the evening.  On the weekends you might be able to get more done.  It's going to be hard on you to see so little done, but it will be very hard on him as well.  While it's a wonderful thing to have a parent home - whoever it is - it's very difficult for men to stay home and allow their wives to be the breadwinner.  It's a pride thing.  Be greatful that he's willing to do what's best for your family and accept him for what he can and is willing to do.  Not always easy, I know, but it will go a long way to making things more smooth in the household.

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:01 PM
Cook together on weekends. Freeze things and he can learn to cook. Lighten up on him. After him working a 10 hour day you wouldn't want him coming home and criticising you.
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LucyHarper
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 1:03 PM
1 mom liked this

Men are capable of multitasking but as well as women. Try being constructive with the criticism, don't give him a reason to get defensive, make it clear to him that hes doing a good job and you appreciate it, but other things need to be done. Teach him how to cook. 

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