My adult daughter and I are fighting badly! Any advice from parents who've been there?
I love my daughter so very much. We have never been REALLY close. However, I have tried. Since turning 18 she has turned into more of a nightmare. Not helping around the house, not just not helping, but making mess for me to clean. She has ALWAYS been self centered but the last two years I just cant stand to be around her, neither can her dad. Just before the holidays...we got into a physical fight. She was so disrespectful! She lives in a VERY nice home. Wears nice clothes, has a really nice room and of course all the electronic gadgets too. Dad and I helped her get a nice car. We are paying for college...however for us to afford it ...she has to live at home. She wasted 3,000 of our money and changed her major twice. She is taking as little as possible in college and taking classes that wont apply for her degree. She stays up all hours of the night goofing off. Nobody ever sees her study. She just walks around looking to pick fights with me. She will tell me things...to upset me....yet wont tell or/ask her father. She behaves different around him for the most part. She does work about 20 hours or so a week. She uses this vanacular that just irritates that heck out of me like...she works a 4 hour shift waiting tables. She considers that a full day. She will tell everyone she worked, doubles....which is an 8 hour day. Her grandma thought she was working 16 hour shifts for 3 to 4 days a week the way that Olivia make it sound. I really want her to move out but she wont save money. She makes about $500 plus an $100 allowance from grandma. We have asked her to save just $50 a month and she wont. She has had 5 wrecks in 3 years. She did pay for some of the damage. Im just at my wits end. She thinks we have an unlimited supply of money. She didnt do anything for my birthday last week, while I always lavish good bdays for her. Anyway, I feel like Im used.
UPDATE on 1/21/2013
There have been so many Wonderful posts! Encouraging. One thing I did forget, I was up to snuff on rules and things fell apart as I had a massive stroke. I have SLE. A wretched form of lupus. I have been given 5 to 7 years and that was two years ago. My daughter has taken full advantage of this. Many of you spoke very good advice, some from moms, some from sibs of acting out brothers and sisters, and some from the "once spoiled teen" themselves who admitted that they were brats until they got the "wake up" call. Dad and I have laid down the law. Things have become a bit better...but really until she matures or we kick her out I just dont see the utopia happening. (Well, not utopia but more balanced like it used to be.) Her dad has tried to make her understand why its important not to upset me as it is soooo bad for my health. Not just that...but when Im gone, that will be it. There will not be a time to go back and "Spend time with mom and just do what your supposed to do." It seems to be lost on her. I posted what I did, not to air my dirty laundry but to see if the way that I felt, about kicking her out, stopping the gravy train, and letting her go find her own way.....was the correct thing to do. Wanting to see how others did it too. She is my first born daughter and I just love her soooo much. However, not enough to have disrespect while my husband and I are footing the bill. I am a retird teacher and I worked at one of the roughest schools in my district. I didnt take gump from those teens nor their parents. I have never had a hard time with discipline. However, my illness has taken much of my energy. Thanks so much to everyone!