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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

My boyfriend is pressuring me to have an abortion.

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Hi. I'm 18 years old and currently 6 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been struggling ever since we found out about a week ago. My family has always been pro-life; that's how I was raised. Even before I got pregnant, I knew that abortion would never be an option for me. My boyfriend completely disagrees, and feels that I am a very selfish person for wanting to keep this child. He says that it is unfair to bring a child into this world when we are not ready to be parents and raise a child. I agree that it is bad timing, and that our situation is not the ideal way to bring a child into this world. My family has been extremely supportive, offering financial support for us (if need be), until we can do it on our own. My boyfriend and I are both working full time and planning on moving out before the baby arrives. My boyfriend says he supports any decision that I make, however, as soon as I told him my decision to keep the baby, he got extremely defensive. I've been called selfish and immature, and there's been extreme tension between us ever since. Ive done everything in my power to be understanding of his feelings, and I've been there for him, but he still thinks I'm making this "all about me". I guess I'm just looking for some support from anyone that might be going through or has been through the same thing. I don't know what to do at this point, I'm trying to stay true to myself but it's hard, especially with the person I love against me, at a time when we need each other the most. Thanks for reading. 

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:05 PM
Replies (41-50):
MJuliet
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:04 PM
3 moms liked this

Okay, well if he didnt want a baby, or thought it was bad timing, he should have kept his penis in his pants.
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU PULL THAT THING OUT, YOU CAN MAKE A BABY FROM IT.
Buy him a sex ed book.
Maybe he forgot?

MyDayDawning
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:05 PM

I agree with what's been said.  Turn to the people who support your beliefs and innermost desires.

My sister did this.  The guy did not stay in her life.  It was very very hard for her, but she stuck it out.

She opted for adoption.

Three or four years ago, her daughter found her.  Biggest miracle of my sister's life.

Even better, she's a gramma!  And I'm a great aunt!!

DeeDee205
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:07 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like you've got a very supportive family.  You probably don't even realize yet just how excited you and your family will be once that baby gets here... actually, the excitement will come long before that. 

If you abort because your bf wants you to, will you really feel that same love for him?  Probably not.  You will know deep down that you did something that you didn't want to, and you will most like resent him for it.  If you keep the baby, HE will probably not want to stay around.  Either way, both of your lives have changed drastically the moment that baby was conceived.  And sadly, it doesn't sound like the relationship is very solid, either.

IMO, I think you should lean on your familys support.  Can you live with yourself knowing that you took a life because your boyfriend didn't want it here?  This is a very big decision.... and it's permanent.  Choose wisely.  Best of luck to you!

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:15 PM
1 mom liked this
She could of said no as well. It takes two.


Quoting MJuliet:

Okay, well if he didnt want a baby, or thought it was bad timing, he should have kept his penis in his pants.
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU PULL THAT THING OUT, YOU CAN MAKE A BABY FROM IT.
Buy him a sex ed book.
Maybe he forgot?


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Quinn525
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:30 PM
Um when did they? Young people have had this same situation for a long long time. There were often shotgun weddings, homes for unwed mothers, back alley abortions, and hush hush adoptions to cover it up.

Op-
My sil was pressured to abort her 2nd by both her bf and his family. He told her before if she got that they would have the child. My nephew is almost 15 & has never known his father. She didn't even go for support until he was 5. At a Cs hearing when he was 8, the bd suggested maybe trying to see the boy "because he was paying for him." Needless to say, he never pursued it ( sol wanted supervised since my nephew is autistic and does not deal well with strangers.)

Never let anyone force or coerce you to terminate the pregnancy or to give up the baby. Your bf seems to be telling you he is not ready to be a father or a partner to you. If you both want to continue your relationship you should try counseling.

Quoting atlmom2:

You both should have thought about this before getting pregnant. No one seems to any longer. Sad.
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atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:35 PM
1 mom liked this
I didn't have teen sex. My girls didn't either. Not everyone has sex as a teen. And not everyone gets knocked up as a teen and doesn't use BC. Both are too blame and now a child pays the price for stupidity.


Quoting Quinn525:

Um when did they? Young people have had this same situation for a long long time. There were often shotgun weddings, homes for unwed mothers, back alley abortions, and hush hush adoptions to cover it up.



Op-

My sil was pressured to abort her 2nd by both her bf and his family. He told her before if she got that they would have the child. My nephew is almost 15 & has never known his father. She didn't even go for support until he was 5. At a Cs hearing when he was 8, the bd suggested maybe trying to see the boy "because he was paying for him." Needless to say, he never pursued it ( sol wanted supervised since my nephew is autistic and does not deal well with strangers.)



Never let anyone force or coerce you to terminate the pregnancy or to give up the baby. Your bf seems to be telling you he is not ready to be a father or a partner to you. If you both want to continue your relationship you should try counseling.



Quoting atlmom2:

You both should have thought about this before getting pregnant. No one seems to any longer. Sad.

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momsince04
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:38 PM
He was being selfish when he didn't consider the consequences of sex. If you know you will be able to raise that baby w/ out him then do what you think is right.
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loisl25
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:39 PM

That's awful! HE is the one being selfish. He's willing for this baby to die just so he doesn't have to pay child support for the next 18 years. YOU are the one not being selfish because you are the one thinking of this baby. There's always adoption if you two really can't take care of it. DO NOT let him bully you on this. HUGS!

DragonMother10
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:45 PM
Well hun, if your family is willing to support you, then that is all you need. If he has a problem with you keeping the baby, tell him he knows where the door is. Maybe he will come around at some point, he is just scared. Hell, my husband was scared even though he was excited to have a baby. If he doesn't come around, then it's his loss. Hopefully once he sees his baby in his arms, he will regret ever telling you to get an abortion. Chin up and good luck!
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3lilmonsters88
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:48 PM
1 mom liked this
I've been there. My ex ended up leaving me and didn't want anything to do with our child. After 4yrs he grew up and realized what he was missing. He's been a constant in our sons life for over a year now. Just let him be he will either man up or not. If you want this child then don't be pressured into aborting.
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