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My boyfriend is pressuring me to have an abortion.

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Hi. I'm 18 years old and currently 6 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been struggling ever since we found out about a week ago. My family has always been pro-life; that's how I was raised. Even before I got pregnant, I knew that abortion would never be an option for me. My boyfriend completely disagrees, and feels that I am a very selfish person for wanting to keep this child. He says that it is unfair to bring a child into this world when we are not ready to be parents and raise a child. I agree that it is bad timing, and that our situation is not the ideal way to bring a child into this world. My family has been extremely supportive, offering financial support for us (if need be), until we can do it on our own. My boyfriend and I are both working full time and planning on moving out before the baby arrives. My boyfriend says he supports any decision that I make, however, as soon as I told him my decision to keep the baby, he got extremely defensive. I've been called selfish and immature, and there's been extreme tension between us ever since. Ive done everything in my power to be understanding of his feelings, and I've been there for him, but he still thinks I'm making this "all about me". I guess I'm just looking for some support from anyone that might be going through or has been through the same thing. I don't know what to do at this point, I'm trying to stay true to myself but it's hard, especially with the person I love against me, at a time when we need each other the most. Thanks for reading. 

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:05 PM
Replies (11-20):
Dcn2010
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:44 PM

I'm sorry you have to be out in a this horrible situation but I agree with some of these other posts, if its not your idea and you do do it, he's taken a part of you you can never get back. Have you thought of adoption? Or possible tempory custody to a family member until you are able to provide for the child?

im not going to lie, having a child at a young age is tough. Even at 21 I struggled, BUT having my son saved me. He's my miracle. I think if you have an abortion you will create much more problems in the relationship. 

Oh!! And for him to call you selfish is just plain dumb! By what you posted he sounds like he is being selfish by demanding you to have the adoration. He's not your husband, and I don't know you're relationship per sa but you are your own person. Don't allow someone to try to run your life or go against your beliefs!!

stargazerwolf
by Bronze Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Don't do it if you don't want to. If he is going to be upset about it then he can leave, but please don't choose your boyfriend over your baby. I think it is great your family is being supportive! The fact you have their support means that even if at some point you boyfriend chooses to leave you, you will have your family. I will bet that as you start showing, especially once he can feel the kicking, he may bond then, if not then and he sticks around long enough then its very hard to not bond when you hold your own baby for the first time. Don't do it please! Keep the baby, there is nothing wrong with needing family help until you guys can get out on your own. I was not ready at all when I got pregnant at 19, but grew to love her long before I gave birth. I would never consider and abortion or adoption because I couldn't kill a child nor send one to live with someone else, but that is my decision, just as you should keep the baby if you want.

And in some ways it is all about you, you are carrying the baby, your body supports the growing fetus, you have to go through pregnancy, morning sickness, labor and whether he sticks around or not you have to go through all that, so choosing to keep the baby is the least selfish thing you can do and most mature (you have to be mature to raise a baby)! He is being an ass, if he can't deal with you keeping the baby rather than killing it then he needs to go. It is an awful thing for a man to pressure a woman to kill her child because he's not ready...Good luck with everything!

snowangel1979
by Silver Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:59 PM
I pretty much agree with everyone else.
Isn't that the whole pro-choice moto- your body, your choice. (I am kinda pro-choice BTW)

Don't pick your boyfriend over your child.
He's the one who's selfish. I don't want to deal with "the problem" I created, so let's kill it.
If your gut is telling you no, don't do it. Your the one who has to live with the decision for the rest of your life. He could be gone the day after you have the abortion.
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mmccrea
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:18 PM

This is YOUR choice.  He will have to pay child support if he isn't there (which he probably won't be).  Good luck with your decison.  I hope your family will be there to support you if you decide to keep it.

christinad612
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:37 PM

If you want to keep the baby, I really hope you do. I posted the same exact question except I was 23 to an online forum, got the same advice you are, and still terminated out of fear. Good luck to you and feel free to private message me if you want to talk about it more.

unspecified42
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:47 PM
2 moms liked this
My sons father did as well. I kept the baby, he left, and I'm glad with my decisions.
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connie45
by Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:58 PM
He's outta there! Do not move out with him.
And you have no choice but to let him go. All you can hope for is that he will at least try to be a father. You will be parenting without him.

Its good you have your family to help.
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lovinmyboys...
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:01 AM
It is extremely selfish of him to try to pressure you into aborting.
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Madammeke
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:03 AM
Are you ready to raise your child alone? If both parents are not pro tat is usually how it ends up. Remember you can force him to be a dad but not to be a husband/partner.

If you are so much pro life why did you not abstain from sex or use proper protection. It sounds awfully much that you purposely got pregnant, which is never a good idea at this age.
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Shopsha0911
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 9:36 AM
2 moms liked this

If you were my daughter I would recommend an abortion but seeing as how you are not and your family is pro life I would suggest open adoption. You are very young and have a long life ahead of you without an eduction it will be very difficult to raise this child on your own. You will also be expected to get child support for the father which will bring this young man down too. I know there will be the naysayers that you should keep the baby but are you really going to be able to support this child on your OWN!

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