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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

My boyfriend is pressuring me to have an abortion.

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Hi. I'm 18 years old and currently 6 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been struggling ever since we found out about a week ago. My family has always been pro-life; that's how I was raised. Even before I got pregnant, I knew that abortion would never be an option for me. My boyfriend completely disagrees, and feels that I am a very selfish person for wanting to keep this child. He says that it is unfair to bring a child into this world when we are not ready to be parents and raise a child. I agree that it is bad timing, and that our situation is not the ideal way to bring a child into this world. My family has been extremely supportive, offering financial support for us (if need be), until we can do it on our own. My boyfriend and I are both working full time and planning on moving out before the baby arrives. My boyfriend says he supports any decision that I make, however, as soon as I told him my decision to keep the baby, he got extremely defensive. I've been called selfish and immature, and there's been extreme tension between us ever since. Ive done everything in my power to be understanding of his feelings, and I've been there for him, but he still thinks I'm making this "all about me". I guess I'm just looking for some support from anyone that might be going through or has been through the same thing. I don't know what to do at this point, I'm trying to stay true to myself but it's hard, especially with the person I love against me, at a time when we need each other the most. Thanks for reading. 

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:05 PM
Replies (31-40):
skiesmomma
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:40 AM
Do what feels right to you. But keep in mind that abortion is not the only option. You could consider adoption. There are people who will pay your medical bills (if the financial is a concern) just to have a newborn. But if any part of you wants that baby then don't let anyone push you into something you can't take back.
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KRIZZ25
by Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:45 AM
SOUNDS TO ME LIKE HES, NOT READY .BE PREPARED FOR HIM NOT TO BE AROUND. U CANT FORCE HIM TO BE A DADDY ..
haleyjean14
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:29 PM
In response to those who think I tried to get pregnant, in all honesty I did not. Two years ago I was diagnosed with a 8mm prolactinoma in my pituitary gland. I've been on Dostinex to shrink it ever since, which is also a common fertility drug. My endocrinologist always said that it would be dangerous to put me on any type of birth control that could react with my tumor and cause it to grow or cause complications. Ever since, we've been using condoms every time. I'm not really sure how I got pregnant, but I am. I appreciate all of the support I've recieved, and I'm relieved to know I'm not alone. Thank you all so much!
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sreichelt26
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:33 PM

I agree with this. Adoption is an option too if you don't want to abort, but you agree that you're not ready to raise a child.

Quoting Zawifey:

 If there is any part of you that wants to keep the baby, then keep it. Don't let your bf force you into something you could possibly regret for the rest of your life. He sounds immature and childish saying that he supports you then gets mad because you made a choice. Do what YOUR heart feels is right. It is YOUR decision.


mommybug77
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:44 PM
1 mom liked this
I would never stay with a guy who even considered abortion, good luck.
JTE11
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:51 PM

 I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. Your boyfriend is probably very scared and feeling trapped and angry and is taking it out on you, being mean to you in a desperate attempt to berate you into changing your mind.  He is mistaken, though, in that you've made it "all about you". That is actually what he is doing, making it all about him and what he wants instead of realizing that once the baby was conceived it became all about the baby. You are thinking correctly and seem to be pointed in the right direction, don't let him shake you. It is still very early and he is still in shock most likely so give him time to come around and possibly come to some kind of grips with this. He may or may not be able to ultimately step up to what the baby needs but  that isn't something you can do for him, he will just need time to sort out priorities. It's not unusual for guys to panic in this situation and it's not fair to you that in the time that you need his support the most he turns on you, especially since I'm sure he was perfectly willing to do what got the baby here in the first place. But give him some time and space, and try not to take what he says right now to you to heart (difficult as it may be), he is just in panic mode right now. If he said he'd support whatever decision you made, then if he really meant that he needs to hold to that and should come around eventually. Now is the time when you get to find out the depth of his character and whether he can uphold his responsibilities. If not, your family is there for you and because of that you're already ahead of things because so many young women don't have that.  As weird as it may seem, he probably needs yoru support now too even though he's giving you a hard time so respect your boyfriend and give him time. The decision was made when the baby was.  It's time for him to grow up. In the meantime, cling to you family, they sound like good people. And, hugs to you and your little one.

mom_3.0
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:58 PM
I can tell from your post that you are a very intelligent person who is self-motivated to accomplish anything you put the effort into. First, you are the one potentially being a parent, not your family. It should be your own personal feelings taken into consideration and no one else's. Given your ages and the way he (bf) already is behaving, you are going to have to considee if you are willing to become a single mother. Again, anything is possible becsuse I can tell that that is the person that you are. Especially because you are incredibly fortunate to have such a supportive family. I had twins at age 17, still graduated hs with high honors, went on to college and am now a nursing student and pretty soon I will be an RN. Just an example of how you can do anything that you put your mind to.
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aniters
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:01 PM
1 mom liked this
I was 16 when I got pregnant. My parents wanted to force an abortion but I didn't want to so my dad kicked me out. I say if you have the support of your family then keep the baby. If you don't want to abort and he pressures you into it you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. GL :)
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Im-HiDdEn
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:02 PM

 Dear if he really loved you then he would support you no matter what decision you make.  This is a time where you have to stick to your guns and your beliefs and as soon as he hears that little heart beat at the dr's he will melt.  Do what you believe is right and even thoug you love him maybe he is not the right person for you and this baby.  I wish you the very best of luck and I hope you keep me posted on your situation.  I support you and I hope you can find it in yourself to support your beliefs!


Quoting haleyjean14:

Hi. I'm 18 years old and currently 6 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been struggling ever since we found out about a week ago. My family has always been pro-life; that's how I was raised. Even before I got pregnant, I knew that abortion would never be an option for me. My boyfriend completely disagrees, and feels that I am a very selfish person for wanting to keep this child. He says that it is unfair to bring a child into this world when we are not ready to be parents and raise a child. I agree that it is bad timing, and that our situation is not the ideal way to bring a child into this world. My family has been extremely supportive, offering financial support for us (if need be), until we can do it on our own. My boyfriend and I are both working full time and planning on moving out before the baby arrives. My boyfriend says he supports any decision that I make, however, as soon as I told him my decision to keep the baby, he got extremely defensive. I've been called selfish and immature, and there's been extreme tension between us ever since. Ive done everything in my power to be understanding of his feelings, and I've been there for him, but he still thinks I'm making this "all about me". I guess I'm just looking for some support from anyone that might be going through or has been through the same thing. I don't know what to do at this point, I'm trying to stay true to myself but it's hard, especially with the person I love against me, at a time when we need each other the most. Thanks for reading. 


 

mom_3.0
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 2:02 PM
1 mom liked this
Who really is? Lol. Someone could be financially ready, but not emotionally and vice-versa.


Quoting sreichelt26:

I agree with this. Adoption is an option too if you don't want to abort, but you agree that you're not ready to raise a child.

Quoting Zawifey:

 If there is any part of you that wants to keep the baby, then keep it. Don't let your bf force you into something you could possibly regret for the rest of your life. He sounds immature and childish saying that he supports you then gets mad because you made a choice. Do what YOUR heart feels is right. It is YOUR decision.



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