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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

 My daughter (3 1/2) just told me I love her brother (2 months) more than her...I feel awful. I try so hard to give my full attention to them both, but apparentley I'm not doing a very good job. She said "you love him more than me!" & broke down crying. I, myself had to fight back tears after hearing that. & she just went on about me loving him more. Has anyone been through this with their children? My daughter LOVES her brother sooo much. She is always talking and kissing him, always trying to hold him and help with him. Help!! Will this ever get better or is it just something that is apart of siblings?

by on Jan. 22, 2013 at 11:03 PM
Replies (21-29):
suetoo
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 9:42 AM
1 mom liked this

That is normal and developmentally age appropriate. Start taking her out for 1:1 time with you. A lunch at the mall, grocery shopping, and start talking about loving equally but differently. We had different bed times with our kids, so there was always big sister time.

tiredmama42
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 12:51 PM

My son and daughter were 9 years apart.  I was still hearing it a year ago.  (20 and 11)  My son would use that line all the time. When I had my son my daughter thought I loved him more because I gave him a bottle and she wanted a snack right now! My son used it everytime my daughter got to go out and he couldnt go with her.  The first 100 times bothered me. After that I learned it was a tactic. Yours are still little just reassure her that you love them both the same.   They realize now I am not falling for it so now the just tell each other "I am moms favorite"  but teasing now because they know how much they used to use that linee with me.  

Basherte
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 5:01 PM

I would tell her that you don't love her brother more than her. That her brother can do nothing for himself and that is why he needs so much attention. Then offer to allow her to help with him. Giving her attention while she is doing for her brother. 

It will allow her to feel even more grown up and it will also make sure that she knows that you love her with all of your heart. Plus the added bonus of being there to help her do for him so you don't have to worry about her hurting him by accident. 

She loves her brother, it just sounds to me like she doesn't understand that he is helpless right now and needs a lot of attention. Some of that attention should be from her. IT will help to create a really strong bond between them as they get older. This is, of course, just my opinion. 

I was 5 when my brother was born and because I was permitted to help with him, I was never jealous of him at all. My mom got a little help so she didn't feel so overwhelmed and all of us were closer in the long run. 

Diamepphyre
by Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 7:08 PM

 Do you have any videos of you taking care of her when she was newborn/just a few months old?  Maybe showing them to her and explaining that all babies need extra care because they're unable to care for themselves, but that doesn't mean you love the baby more?

SexyTeacher
by Gold Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:49 PM

It gets better. But it is PART of being siblings. I remember being so very jealous of my brother at times! I am the oldest and I was almost 3 when he was born. We are 39 and 41 now so the jealousy is gone of course. She will get over it.

Raveyk
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:10 AM

Just last night my DD4 got upset (i didn't find out until after her blow up what made her explode) and yelled at me "I don't love you anymore!" I was completely heartbroken and didn't even know whow to respond. I almost cried. it turned out to be all because I let her brother cuddle up with a blanket that she wanted. (ugh, she has been going through a very....explosive...stage). I tried to explain to her that that it a very mean and serious thing to say and that just because you get angry with someone doesn't mean you don't love them.    *sigh* kids

BelleVernonGirl
by Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:31 AM

I have twin girls...they are 16 and everyday I have to hear from both of them how I love the other more...I take better care of the other one...I show the other one more attention...I'm more strict with the other...and it goes on and on and on....I just laugh at them...

Aishamusty
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:01 PM


It's a usual occurance

Quoting Perfect.Pixie:

It is normal! My kids do that to me all the time and yes each time I feel guilty.



Swt7
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 12:22 AM
Explain to her why things have changed ever since ds arrived,its normal though if not told she will stop liking her brother thinkint he took away moms love.
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