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need some advice

Posted by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 2:56 PM
  • 13 Replies
My name is trinity, i have two boys and I'm pregnant due in June. Disciplining my boys is very difficult. No matter what i do, they don't listen to me. I've tried putting them in the corner, spanking, I've even yelled, but nothing works. It's like they think I'm a joke. Their father and i split in December, I've moved in with my father and they'll listen to him, but when it comes to listening to mommy it just doesn't happen. It's stressing me out and i don't know what to do our how to deal with it. All I want to do is cry. I need help, any advice?
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by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 2:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by Silver Member on Jan. 23, 2013 at 3:22 PM

Hi sweetie.  It sounds like you could use some help, have you considered any sort of parenting classes or books?  How old are your boys?

Quoting Trinnie091113:

My name is trinity, i have two boys and I'm pregnant due in June. Disciplining my boys is very difficult. No matter what i do, they don't listen to me. I've tried putting them in the corner, spanking, I've even yelled, but nothing works. It's like they think I'm a joke. Their father and i split in December, I've moved in with my father and they'll listen to him, but when it comes to listening to mommy it just doesn't happen. It's stressing me out and i don't know what to do our how to deal with it. All I want to do is cry. I need help, any advice?


Trinnie091113
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 3:25 PM
I've thought about them but I'm in the process of transferring my work so i have no money to pay for classes or books. My boys are 4 and 2
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Bleacheddecay
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 3:43 PM
1 mom liked this

At age 2 distraction is a good tactic.

I know people who have let their kids use markers on their floors and cabinets. My girl did that ONCE, then the markers were locked up and out of sight. Problem solved.

I know someone who had her two year old climb in the sink with a knife and play in the water while she was doing something with her four year old. We never had that happen because we put a gate on the bathroom.

Oh and he has also stuffed toilet paper in the bathroom sinks. That's why you keep the doors closed and with safety knobs.

(The four year old can either TELL you when they need to use the potty or use the potty chair.)

Time outs work IF you get up every time and enforce them every time until they are properly done.

Yelling doesn't work. It just shows mommy is out of control. The kids win.

Spanking just shows that hitting is okay, violence is okay and also makes for defient, angry, fearful, sneaky, violent kids, IMO. It did for me as a kid.

Losing priveledges can help when the kids are old enough.

From Teen Proofing by John Rosemond, I like these principals.

The First Great Understanding for children 2-8

1.From this point on in the relationship, you, child, will pay more attention to us than we, generally speaking, will pay to you.

Parents continue to supervise the child well.  They will give him all the attention he requires (which is diminishing rapidly) along with a relatively small amount of the attention the child just wants.  You are now the teacher and he is not the student so he must be taught to pay attention to you, not the other way around.

2.You will do whatever we tell you to do.

He can disagree and not like it but he must obey.

3.You will do what we say not because of threat, bribe etc., but simply because we say so.

Trinnie091113
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:51 AM
Thank you, I'm hoping this will help. It's hard but I'm willing to try anything.


Quoting Bleacheddecay:

At age 2 distraction is a good tactic.


I know people who have let their kids use markers on their floors and cabinets. My girl did that ONCE, then the markers were locked up and out of sight. Problem solved.


I know someone who had her two year old climb in the sink with a knife and play in the water while she was doing something with her four year old. We never had that happen because we put a gate on the bathroom.


Oh and he has also stuffed toilet paper in the bathroom sinks. That's why you keep the doors closed and with safety knobs.


(The four year old can either TELL you when they need to use the potty or use the potty chair.)


Time outs work IF you get up every time and enforce them every time until they are properly done.


Yelling doesn't work. It just shows mommy is out of control. The kids win.


Spanking just shows that hitting is okay, violence is okay and also makes for defient, angry, fearful, sneaky, violent kids, IMO. It did for me as a kid.


Losing priveledges can help when the kids are old enough.


From Teen Proofing by John Rosemond, I like these principals.

The First Great Understanding for children 2-8


1.From this point on in the relationship, you, child, will pay more attention to us than we, generally speaking, will pay to you.


Parents continue to supervise the child well.  They will give him all the attention he requires (which is diminishing rapidly) along with a relatively small amount of the attention the child just wants.  You are now the teacher and he is not the student so he must be taught to pay attention to you, not the other way around.


2.You will do whatever we tell you to do.


He can disagree and not like it but he must obey.


3.You will do what we say not because of threat, bribe etc., but simply because we say so.


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Bleacheddecay
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:49 AM

I messed up. We put a gate on the kitchen not the bathroom. Sorry.


Quoting Trinnie091113:

Thank you, I'm hoping this will help. It's hard but I'm willing to try anything.


Quoting Bleacheddecay:

At age 2 distraction is a good tactic.


I know people who have let their kids use markers on their floors and cabinets. My girl did that ONCE, then the markers were locked up and out of sight. Problem solved.


I know someone who had her two year old climb in the sink with a knife and play in the water while she was doing something with her four year old. We never had that happen because we put a gate on the bathroom.


Oh and he has also stuffed toilet paper in the bathroom sinks. That's why you keep the doors closed and with safety knobs.


(The four year old can either TELL you when they need to use the potty or use the potty chair.)


Time outs work IF you get up every time and enforce them every time until they are properly done.


Yelling doesn't work. It just shows mommy is out of control. The kids win.


Spanking just shows that hitting is okay, violence is okay and also makes for defient, angry, fearful, sneaky, violent kids, IMO. It did for me as a kid.


Losing priveledges can help when the kids are old enough.


From Teen Proofing by John Rosemond, I like these principals.

The First Great Understanding for children 2-8


1.From this point on in the relationship, you, child, will pay more attention to us than we, generally speaking, will pay to you.


Parents continue to supervise the child well.  They will give him all the attention he requires (which is diminishing rapidly) along with a relatively small amount of the attention the child just wants.  You are now the teacher and he is not the student so he must be taught to pay attention to you, not the other way around.


2.You will do whatever we tell you to do.


He can disagree and not like it but he must obey.


3.You will do what we say not because of threat, bribe etc., but simply because we say so.




kali_mom
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 1:37 PM
Ahh, the joys of parenthood! Congrats on the new bundle of joy. One of the main components with toddlers is consistency. If you elect to use a calm down corner you have to be diligent about doing it every time it's needed. 21 days forms a habit and with children it's often sooner however keep the 21 days in the back of your mind. You are obviously a good Mom because you have asked for help and that can sometimes be tough to do. Children like boundaries and rules they thrive in those situations so if there is something you are doing and the LO's can help ask them to pitch in. Cleaning up, making lunch, putting toys away for nap. My mom called it BusyBee time. Their minds are absorbing so much everyday as they grow. I have 5 children so I know it's challenging to parent while pregnant. You have time on your side before baby gets here. Set rules and stick to them and if possible daily outside activity will help them to use up some of that energy!
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Roo1234
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 3:40 PM

One of the hardest parts of parenting is deciding how you see the role of discipline.  What goals do you have?  DO you want to just make your kids stop doing things you don't like?  or, are you more interested in teaching them how to make good decisions?  Sometimes it is a blend of both, sometimes it is something completely different.  

You might want to check out a variety of parenting books Parenting with Love and Logic, !-2-3- Magic, or any of the other 100,000 titles out there and start looking at what you feel comfortable and natural doing.  Don't jump in and start trying every method all at once because you'll just confuse the kids and frustrate yourself further.  Instead educate yourself and make concious decisions about what kind of parent you want to be and what goals you have for your children's behavior both short term and long term.  Then, and only then can you really decide what methods to utilze and will be more able to stick with it consistently so that your children know what to expect from you.

kirbymom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 3:56 PM

Aww sweetpea. You are just a plethora of emotions right now and your boys have been able to pick up on that. So much has happened to you and your family in the past few months/year and your family is just trying how best to adjust. The only thing I might say that will help you with how you discipline them is how your voice sounds. A high or a higher pitch voice should not be used when trying to get children to do as asked.  It detracts from any kind of authoritativeness in every way.  The reason they listen to your dad is because he most likely has a deep timber voice which he keeps on level, not using a high pitch tone. If you are not sure of what I am saying, just pay attention to how your dad handles the boys. Watch and learn. Take what he does and make it your own. Be consistent with your discipline and your voice.

Other than this, you are normally  reacting in every way, what with all the hormones jammin' around in your body. Things will settle down eventually.  

Good Luck to you.  :) 

la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 4:09 PM

 Good advice!

Quoting Bleacheddecay:

At age 2 distraction is a good tactic.

I know people who have let their kids use markers on their floors and cabinets. My girl did that ONCE, then the markers were locked up and out of sight. Problem solved.

I know someone who had her two year old climb in the sink with a knife and play in the water while she was doing something with her four year old. We never had that happen because we put a gate on the bathroom.

Oh and he has also stuffed toilet paper in the bathroom sinks. That's why you keep the doors closed and with safety knobs.

(The four year old can either TELL you when they need to use the potty or use the potty chair.)

Time outs work IF you get up every time and enforce them every time until they are properly done.

Yelling doesn't work. It just shows mommy is out of control. The kids win.

Spanking just shows that hitting is okay, violence is okay and also makes for defient, angry, fearful, sneaky, violent kids, IMO. It did for me as a kid.

Losing priveledges can help when the kids are old enough.

From Teen Proofing by John Rosemond, I like these principals.

The First Great Understanding for children 2-8

1.From this point on in the relationship, you, child, will pay more attention to us than we, generally speaking, will pay to you.

Parents continue to supervise the child well.  They will give him all the attention he requires (which is diminishing rapidly) along with a relatively small amount of the attention the child just wants.  You are now the teacher and he is not the student so he must be taught to pay attention to you, not the other way around.

2.You will do whatever we tell you to do.

He can disagree and not like it but he must obey.

3.You will do what we say not because of threat, bribe etc., but simply because we say so.

 

momamanda
by Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:15 AM

I completely understand. My son was like this when he was a bit younger we still struggle some days, he is 6 and stubborn and so is my 5 year old dd..S_T_U_B_B_O_R_N Lol What has helped with her is I made a chart. I'm posting a picture below. Of the one we use on a school day. but on the weekends I do every 2 hours. Then at those certain times of day I color in the face. Then at the end of the day she gets 2 pennies for every smile 1 penny for every straight and 0 for frowns.  we collect them in the jar. I then let her take her money when she has enough to the coffee shop at our church she'll usually have about 25-50cents a week.this will buy her a cookie or a pack of fruit snacks. It works pretty good. I don't know how old your boys are she is 5..... but you could create a treat box and let them spend thier pennies there. or somewhere they sell  bulk candy of something. another thing is to be consistent! Don't say you're going to do something and then not do it. We are all guilty of this at some point, Our kids try our nerves and their good at it :0) Hope this helps


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