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The cousin that molested me is coming to my house :(

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 3:46 PM
  • 11 Replies
It's been 10 years since my cousin and I spilled the beans on being molested by our oldest cousin. I haven't spoken or seen him since. When we told our parents everybody in the family was asked if he molested any other female cousins too. So everybody except my brother and grandmother knows and up until today, he was easy enough to avoid.

Fast forward to today: my grandmother (84 yo)came to visit us for the weekend. She's in the country for a couple of months. My cousin phones to find out when she can come and visit them and she insists I speak to him.

Long story short, after 3 phone calls and a conversation with my dad, they've decided it would be a good idea for him to pick her up from MY house... Now don't get me wrong I feel no hate towards this man, I have forgiven him and moved on with my life, however I would not hesitate to testify against him if it ever came to that. This does not mean that I want him close to my family. My daughter is 7 months old, and I never anticipated her meeting him, EVER... As for DH, I'm not quite sure how he feels about this situation.

I guess I just feel a little bit stunned and annoyed... How far do we go in covering this whole situation up for the sake of my grandmother? If ever we meet a family member ie 'this is your 2nd cousin twice removed' we are expected to kiss hello and again with goodbye... I'm sorry, but I'm just not willing to go that far.

Ugh, this is going to be a tough situation... I'm going to have to invite him in for coffee (its a couple of hours drive) and then have him SIT on my couch. Ugh, I don't know... Sorry, vent over.

Oh, and don't bash me for not having him locked up. I was a child when this all happened and that's been dealt with as far as I'm concerned...
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by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 3:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mommyof11050307
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 4:01 PM
4 moms liked this
I would have told them he'll no he's not allowed in my house.
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terpmama
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 4:18 PM
3 moms liked this

He would not be anywhere near my house or family.... To hell with what they've decided

spotsmom
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 4:28 PM
1 mom liked this

You have every RIGHT to say NO. Just NO. If your family can't understand that, screw 'em. The answer is still no. That's what I would do. I do understand that the issue is a little more complicated than that...but only if you allow it to be. I'm not sure why other arrangements can't be made, but if your family can't understand why this is a horrible idea, then, well...like I said, screw 'em. 

skittlebeans88
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 4:30 PM
1 mom liked this
This. You shouldnt have to deal with this situation at all

Quoting mommyof11050307:

I would have told them he'll no he's not allowed in my house.
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rockinmomto2
by Silver Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 4:32 PM
2 moms liked this

I don't understand why you've agreed to this. If your uncomfortable, just say no. YOU are in control of your home and who enters it. Stand up for yourself!

ELFs_Mommy
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 4:43 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs. I've been in/ am in a very similar situation. Only it was my brother. I unfortunately have been "forced" to keep in contact, as he is at all family gatherings. However, my "keeping the peace" ends there. When I first had kids (I have 2 DDs), my mother felt it was completely ok to invite him to gatherings I held at MY house. I went along with it for a while. Then I got fed up with it. And finally told her (and the rest of the family, if they asked about his absence), that it was not ok. That is was MY house, and that I was not comfortable inviting him into MY home, especially when I have 2 DDs of my own to think about and protect (even though I honestly don't think he'd ever do anything to them- but you can never be too carefull).

IMHO, if I were in your position, I would be saying no, he is not allowed in your home. Especially when the other members of your family decided this without consulting you. If they insist, explain to them that the thought of him in your home, around your DD, makes you uncomfortable, and your not willing to "grin and bear it" just for the sake of your grandma.
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Bleacheddecay
by Gold Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 6:14 PM

No way. Maybe have someone else meet him with gma at a public place but NOT me and NOT at my house and so NOT with my child there. NO. NO. NO.

You still have time to change this. I wouldn't even want him to have my address or phone number.

Kris_PBG
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 6:16 PM
1 mom liked this

Say NO!

Tell them to make a new plan and your house is not to be involved in it - period.

hollydaze1974
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 7:10 PM
My dad knows what happened with my uncle and I . Like you,, we dealt with it internally.
Dad sees him once a year. This year he asked me if he could bring this guy to see the kids. I said yes but I offered him nothing . No hello, no conversation, no smile, he sat down on his own and I completely ignored his existance. I'llventire to say noone will notice with that many ppl around. Just be a good and busy hostess.

When they left, he hugged me, I went rigid and stayed sitting....and I smoked like a chimney when they left and called DH to describe the anger still there.

I really think with a group of ppl around, you'll be able to manage things. Intentionally forget something so you have a legit excuse to leave the premises at some point.
Good luck, you aren't the only one that's dealt with this secret to few/ open to many.
I wish you calmness and a cool head.
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frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:00 PM

I would say HECK NO and have him meet us at a coffeeshop or something not our actual home which is my sanctuary.   I am sure grandma would love a nice lunch out or something and it would be neutral territory.

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