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help!! 10yr old boy and puberty

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:23 PM
  • 34 Replies
Ugh, help me! My "baby" boy is ten now, and for at least six months I have had an idea he was curious and exploring himself, in private luckily. So I let him go. But this week he had snuck his ipod to bed with him at night and when I pick it up after he is asleep, there is porn on it. Seems to just be ads, but still nothing is left to the imagination. I was devastated at first, while he was asleep, but talking to dh realizing we are at the age boys start to get curious or even talk at school about this stuff, dh is going to talk with him, but unsure what to say and how much to say. Obviously It appears He has seen More than i ever did before the agee of 30!! It just happened last night, and Dad and I are doing some research on the best way to handle this, and are going to take the Internet off of his ipod.
I know touching yourself is normal and we shouldn't freak over that. But how in depth should the talk be? DH is questioning what he should allow now? No online searching obviously, but he half joked "do I go buy him a swimsuit edition magazine? " he said his older brother used to get those at 15, and he was about 12 and he would look at them to. His parents never told him anything about puberty or the like, and my mom told me touching yourself was bad, I thought there was something wrong with me to be honest, like I was ill because I felt like I did....... That is awful now that i look back at it.... so any suggestions, pep talks? t
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by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:42 PM
I think porn is degrading to women. Also too many viruses looking at porn. Porn at 10, I would not be happy.
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PensFan99
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:51 PM
Obviously.
But what I need now is how much do we tell him?
I am not against porn for adults, but that is a personal choice, even at that I did not look at it until like age 35. Besides the point. No one ever talked to dh about this, so what does his talk need to involve besides your body is nothing to be embarrassed about?


Quoting atlmom2:

I think porn is degrading to women. Also too many viruses looking at porn. Porn at 10, I would not be happy.
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worship
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:53 PM
Just being curious I see no harm my brother when he was like 7-8 my mom caught him looking at penthouse magazines
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yroder2003
by Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
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I'm not there quite yet, my daughter is only 8, but when the time comes I will probably let her ask the questions she is curious about. Porn is a bit much, and I agree with you about taking the internet away on the ipod. Good luck in what approach you decide to take.
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PensFan99
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:04 AM
Yeah, when we were young that is what boys did. The Internet is insane, lol. Dang ipod.... He normally watches videos of music he likes or video games, but I realize he is heading to the teen years. I guess we are curious what is "okay" for him to do? Obviously porn is not. But like SI swim suit edition? We don't know if we should find les offensive things for him, or say none at all?
I am sure they talk in the play ground. When He was like First grade His friend referenced a "hot girl" i thought how in the world does he know what hott means? ?? Obviously Some kids know More than others. l


Quoting worship:

Just being curious I see no harm my brother when he was like 7-8 my mom caught him looking at penthouse magazines

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3sonsmommy
by Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:37 AM
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IMO it is natural curiosity but should be explained that of course most women do not look like the women in porn and should not be expected to act like them either. Ugh, I do not have daughters but I do know that the girls now are taking pics of themselves and sending them to boyfriends in jr. high!!!! probably younger in some instances. I think that offering swimsuit magazines also depicting pictures of women who look like less than 1% of the actual female population is also sending the wrong message to a child that women want to and should be objectified in that manner. I think just turning on the TV or going to the mall in summertime should give him enough to look at lol. Hopefully you and DH are in a healthy relationship and can provide a good model of what a healthy relationship should be, he will not get that from porn. My oldest son was about that age when he accidentally found some porn adds on the computer, he typed in "game cheats" and pictures of topless women came up. He later came to me and showed me what he saw, after he had pulled it up again to show a friend!! I just explained that that kind of stuff is out there, why I felt it wasn't appropriate and why it wasn't allowed in our house. Just last week I myself ran a search for "kids playhouse pics" to get ideas for a playhouse we want to build. After scrolling through over 100 pics of real playhouses one popped up with 3 completely topless women not blurred or covered in any manner. so these things are out there and sometimes they are accidentally found and I guess we just explain it and hope for the best for our children to make good decisions. I might add, I do enforce a search and seizure policy with my boys that I am to have access to all accounts and devices they have while under my roof and if they don't want mom to see or read it they better not have it. I do not police them daily but they know that on any occasion I can look at texts, emails etc. And if I find inappropriate material they can lose their devices. And for those who feel this is an invasion of privacy I call it good parenting, it is my responsability to know what my kids are up to.

PensFan99
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:42 AM
Very good info/advice.......ty!

Quoting 3sonsmommy:

IMO it is natural curiosity but should be explained that of course most women do not look like the women in porn and should not be expected to act like them either. Ugh, I do not have daughters but I do know that the girls now are taking pics of themselves and sending them to boyfriends in jr. high!!!! probably younger in some instances. I think that offering swimsuit magazines also depicting pictures of women who look like less than 1% of the actual female population is also sending the wrong message to a child that women want to and should be objectified in that manner. I think just turning on the TV or going to the mall in summertime should give him enough to look at lol. Hopefully you and DH are in a healthy relationship and can provide a good model of what a healthy relationship should be, he will not get that from porn. My oldest son was about that age when he accidentally found some porn adds on the computer, he typed in "game cheats" and pictures of topless women came up. He later came to me and showed me what he saw, after he had pulled it up again to show a friend!! I just explained that that kind of stuff is out there, why I felt it wasn't appropriate and why it wasn't allowed in our house. Just last week I myself ran a search for "kids playhouse pics" to get ideas for a playhouse we want to build. After scrolling through over 100 pics of real playhouses one popped up with 3 completely topless women not blurred or covered in any manner. so these things are out there and sometimes they are accidentally found and I guess we just explain it and hope for the best for our children to make good decisions. I might add, I do enforce a search and seizure policy with my boys that I am to have access to all accounts and devices they have while under my roof and if they don't want mom to see or read it they better not have it. I do not police them daily but they know that on any occasion I can look at texts, emails etc. And if I find inappropriate material they can lose their devices. And for those who feel this is an invasion of privacy I call it good parenting, it is my responsability to know what my kids are up to.

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peachesforme
by Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:42 PM
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internet is both a blessing and a curse. too bad he was exposed to adult content at such a young age.

sabrtooth1
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:53 PM
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Why does a 10 year old have an IPod? Why does he have unrestricted access to the internet? You need to begin by giving him only age appropriate devices, and monitor him. And talk to him about sex, and respect for women and himself.
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PensFan99
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 1:08 PM
Why would a 10 yr old not have an ipod? Most if his classmates have had cell phones since 2nd grade, but we won't do that yet. Ipod is for music and games. He watches videos on you tube, but that is not where he saw what i saw. I checked. I think it was on a banner ad on a game. They even show up on my solitaire game.
At any rate, my point was now that he had seen what he saw, what are the best steps for us to take on how to talk to him? As i said dh and i have no idea because both of our parents never had discussions with us about this, and we want our soon to be able to talk to us about anything, or ask us questions about anything. So i thought this was a good forum to ask that. I can't erase what he saw, our bad or not, but i need to deal with the situation we have.
And we will be more mindful of what he has access to.


Quoting sabrtooth1:

Why does a 10 year old have an IPod? Why does he have unrestricted access to the internet? You need to begin by giving him only age appropriate devices, and monitor him. And talk to him about sex, and respect for women and himself.
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