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help!! 10yr old boy and puberty

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Ugh, help me! My "baby" boy is ten now, and for at least six months I have had an idea he was curious and exploring himself, in private luckily. So I let him go. But this week he had snuck his ipod to bed with him at night and when I pick it up after he is asleep, there is porn on it. Seems to just be ads, but still nothing is left to the imagination. I was devastated at first, while he was asleep, but talking to dh realizing we are at the age boys start to get curious or even talk at school about this stuff, dh is going to talk with him, but unsure what to say and how much to say. Obviously It appears He has seen More than i ever did before the agee of 30!! It just happened last night, and Dad and I are doing some research on the best way to handle this, and are going to take the Internet off of his ipod.
I know touching yourself is normal and we shouldn't freak over that. But how in depth should the talk be? DH is questioning what he should allow now? No online searching obviously, but he half joked "do I go buy him a swimsuit edition magazine? " he said his older brother used to get those at 15, and he was about 12 and he would look at them to. His parents never told him anything about puberty or the like, and my mom told me touching yourself was bad, I thought there was something wrong with me to be honest, like I was ill because I felt like I did....... That is awful now that i look back at it.... so any suggestions, pep talks? t
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by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:23 PM
Replies (31-34):
Mrsfarr
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:13 AM
1 mom liked this
I'd start with the fact that you know what he saw and it's ok that he was curious and touching himself isn't weird or bad. Then let him know that for safety reasons, sites like that should be avoided.
Go over safe sex, appropriate sexual behaviors, etc. and encourage him to ask questions whenever he has them.
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PensFan99
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 10:16 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't think he does. I have seen these ads pop up when i am playing an innocent game of solitaire or a Garfield game (on my phone). He swears he didn't search for it, but i an sure it made him curious. Like i said, two of his class mates have older brothers, liked 18 yrs old. When we were little boys would sneak their dads magazines, we don't have that here, but other houses might. I can only make him accountable for himself. I didn't have brothers, so this is all new to me.

Quoting Christine0813:

My first thought is, how does a 10 year old even know what porn is? Second, just have a serious talk with him.

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Saphira1207
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 5:12 PM

lol

You're welcome.  i know it helps to have a step by step guide whenever possible.  I found out early that the less uncomfortable I am with the conversation the better and more smoothly it will go.


Quoting PensFan99:

You are awesome.....ty so much for all the info! I just never imagined age 10 would bring this, bc when i was young 10 yrs old i was still playing Barbies, not thinking about sex, lol! I appreciate it and will message you if ihave anymore questions, i am sure we will!

Quoting Saphira1207:

I have 2 boys and have had this talk with both of them already.  Actually, I started it when they were little as things came up.

Since you don't seem to have done that here is my suggestion.

Start at the beginning.

First gather up all of the most recent information you can on what kinds of STDs there are and make sure you have all the proper facts about male/female relationships in this day and age - not for him, but for you.  Going into this clueless will make you far more uncomfortable so being informed beforehand will give you some confidence to speak from.

Then: 

Find out what he already knows (I guarantee it's more than you think) and go from there.  He likely already knows the basic facts about erections, how babies are made/born, body parts, etc.  They tend to go over those things in school these days.  You want to be sure he has the correct information, so ask him and correct anything that is wrong.  And don't use cutesy names.  Sticking with what they are actually called will make it less silly and more real to him.  This is kind of mature stuff you are discussing and it should be kept that way.  He'll take it more seriously.

From the physical part you're going to want to discuss proper sexual behavior, for now sticking with when/where masturbation is appropriate and that sex jokes in school or said to the wrong person will get them in trouble both in school and at home.

Then you'll want to touch on attitudes toward the opposite sex (females).  How he should treat them, how he might see other boys treat them and when not to behave the same way as they do, etc.  There's a certain male subculture that will be going on and you don't want it getting too ingrained on your son or he'll become a bit of a jerk towards females in general.

Throughout all this you should be making it clear about your own family values and expectations of him.

And plan on re-visiting this topic 1-2x per year.  The lines of communication need to be open at all times on this stuff or things you would rather not happen will.

And if you need anything else PM me.  I'm very comfortable with discussing this stuff with kids, boys in particular, and have gotten very good at making all involved comfortable with the discussion.



christinad612
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:55 AM

I wouldnt buy him a swim suit edition until his 15th birthday. 13th at the absolute earliest and that's stretching it. I'm sure he likes his internet. Explain that porn damages his internet so if he looks at it he might not be able to use it and you will not pay to fix it. Some curiousity and exploration is normal so if you catch him on some skinimax or HBO I'd honestly let that go but buying him a swimsuit mag is reinforcing the idea that you're cool with him looking at porn or other material you consider degrading to women. Have the talk about our bodies going through changes, and leave it at that with an opening for questions. Hell my daughter is five and she already found the hole in her crotch and busted me taking a tampon out thankfully not on the same day. Those were fun to explain.

PS might help to remind him at some point that those women are someone's mother, daughter, or sister. Especially if he has a little sister. Help him see them as women instead of just boobies and butts.


Quoting PensFan99:

Yeah, when we were young that is what boys did. The Internet is insane, lol. Dang ipod.... He normally watches videos of music he likes or video games, but I realize he is heading to the teen years. I guess we are curious what is "okay" for him to do? Obviously porn is not. But like SI swim suit edition? We don't know if we should find les offensive things for him, or say none at all?
I am sure they talk in the play ground. When He was like First grade His friend referenced a "hot girl" i thought how in the world does he know what hott means? ?? Obviously Some kids know More than others. l


Quoting worship:

Just being curious I see no harm my brother when he was like 7-8 my mom caught him looking at penthouse magazines



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