Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Family drama still going on and brother getting married in June

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 6:34 PM
  • 3 Replies

Ok SO Last April I got into a big fight with my Mother and one of my sisters. A couple of weeks after I had my son my mother came over telling my husband and i how she is so much in debt and doesn't know if she is going to be able to retire. Around the same time my sister who was pregnant and due soon told me she was stressed about her husband still having not having a job and her financially taking care of them on her own (oh and he still has no job he is lazy). Since they both already got my son a gift (before i knew about any money issues) I told them to stop giving my son gifts and to take care of themselves. my sister stopped buying him gifts but was upset about it. My mother kept trying to give gifts but i kept nicely refusing. On Easter my mom came over again with another gift for him and this time my husband said "Please feel free to come over all you want but no more gifts just take care of yourself" she said this is how she shows love and he said" well we don't want to teach our son that loving someone means buying them gift all the time  we would rather he learn that loving someone means spending time with them so again please fee lfree to come visit all you like but no gifts" she said we are being stupid and she slapped my husband. He didn't get mad he just told her not to ever do that again. He tried giving her a hug but she got in her car and drove off. She ended up telling my younger brother, my sister and her husband that my husband yelled at her for bringing a gift. She didn't tell them that she slapped him. when i told them the Truth they didn't care and bitched me out for defending him and for refusing gift form all of them. They started saying that why are acting above gifts when we are fixing up our house which is materialistic of us to do. HELLO its an invesment and our house was crap which is why it was cheap so it nedded soem TLC. I ended up finding out that over the year they have talked shit about my husband an never liked him because he was too busy to go to family functions all the time. After this incident they continue to talk crap to my other sibling saying I am brain washed and are mad at me for defending my husband when he is abusive to me. He has never been verbally or physically abusive and to say something liek that is horrible. They didnt even stop to think about how a lie like that could get bakc to my son when he is older.  When my mom tried acting like nothing happended months later and just came by my house i called her out on all her shit talking and told her she needs to tell everyone the truth and apologize to me and my husband or continue to stay away from my family so of course she decided to stay away and continues to talk shit. MY younger brother has since apologized and wants me and my family at his wedding . I am ok with going and being civil but i am not able to bring my son as he has a stirct sleeping time. He is hard to get to bed and stay in bed if we budge even a little it throws everthtign off and is hell the next few days. I know they are all going to give me crap if i show up without him especially since my bitchy sister will bring her son who is around the same age (her son sleeps like a champ not matter when he goes to sleep) . I am basically going to a wedding to get bitched at all night and without my husband to lean on as he will be at home with our son. I dont know if i should go or not.

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 6:34 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-3):
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 6:53 PM

Um wow.  Sounds like they are jealous and are trying to put you down to make themselves feel better.  My husband would not have been nearly so restrained.  First of all - good for you for being fiscally responsible.  Also for putting your foot down.  I don't understand people who insist on buying gifts when in financial straights.  Those I know who have done that are the ones who turn around and ask for 'loans' later.  Stay strong.  As far as the wedding, I had a hard time following (I get you were writing in anger) but if I understand correctly, I would leave your husband at home (he sounds like he has been supportive and shouldn't continue to be dragged into it) keep your child on their schedule (mine is the same way - not worth it since the wedding willl be stressful either way.) As far as your family, you can either:

Lie - make loud apologies about how your son is sick and your husband stayed home so you can attend and have him call you early so you have a good excuse to run out early or

Don't even make an excuse - cause you don't have to - attend the wedding, sit away from the venom your brother apologized - tell him how uncomfortable you are, apologize but beg he and his fiance seat you away from the rest of your family if there is a seating chart and either attend only the briefest parts of the reception and leave early or don't attend at all - just attend the exchanging of the vows.  

Make sure to congratulate the bride and groom early and slip out quietly.  Do not stay for the entire thing, try to spend time with strangers or family you haven't seen in a long time.  A wedding isn't a prison - you don't have to stay.  I have snuck out of PLENTY of weddings.  Congratulate them early, tell them how beautiful it is and that is it.  If you see the others coming and can't leave fast enough, smile pretty and tell them quietly that you don't want to ruin your brother's big day and you are removing yourself from the situation, turn around and walk away.  Don't get sucked into their vortex of anger.

by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:02 PM
I'd go to wedding and the first thirty minutes of the reception ... Long enough to say congrats and a few pics and politely excuse yourself the moment another family member comes over. Do not miss out on the olive branch your brother is extending.... It means he trusts you. The rest of your family sound like rednecks....sorry, but they do. Your brother sounds like he really wants you there .... Not going gives the rest of your clan to tell him "See? She didn't even care enough to blah blah blah"
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:14 PM

Yes. I was going to say go to the service but then leave before people can mess with you.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN