I need a hand to hold, I think.
I have three kids of varying ages plus 4 pets and one husband. We just went through a big move and everyone is adjusting really well. While the move was a step up and makes my life easier, we're still going through everyone's normal developmental milestones. That's on my mind alone; as for my husband, we are getting caught up financially and still having to sell our old house. He's got a full plate, but really to begin with he was never much help when I needed parental input. It's like he's got no opinion, or rarely. To make this much worse, my parents and my in-laws are all deceased. I used to rely on my mother for advice when my oldest was little; she never made it to meet my younger two. My mother's insight was invaluable because she had 6 children, raised me the way I want to raise my own, and was a stay home mom like me. Now I have family and friends who I sometimes think alike, but usually their input really isn't helpful quite frankly, because they have even less experience than me. I'm talking about relatives not prolific with children except maybe having an only child of their own and no pets, and that only child being an adult now, for example.
I know my mom would be so helpful if she were still alive. She would be 81 this year. I miss her so much.
My husband doesn't see the things I need to think about as being important, and ironically, I still worry about all the financial alongside him, too.
For example, I have a soon-to-be 3 year old who doesn't want to use the potty. So I have to ask, encourage, etc. I can get easilly side-tracked when the dog can't get out and has an accident on the floor, and then I'm trying to clean that and keep my almost-2 year old out of the mess while my 3 yr old is trying to get off the toilet prematurely. The two yr old was actually initiating potty use himself already- was doing it before his older brother- but got sidetracked with the move. SO the average advice is to keep on top of it and be vigilante, and I'm trying but my two hands are not enough. Two boys to be potty trained and they aren't twins so they aren't at the same developmental place intellectually,. I have to just do what I can and remember that no normal kid is wearing diapers to middle school.
But it's stressful. I feel like I'm the only one responsible for my household (other than financially) and that includes discipline for our saucy 12 yr old. She's a good kid, but she's a preteen, so it is what it is. Caring for the pets is exhaustiing too, even though my preteen has some chores dealng with the pets, she isn't here during the day and also, she has to be reminded so I have to think of everything all the time. Same with my husband, he needs constant reminders. I have to be mindful, it seems, of EVERYTHING for everybody, and some of that they should do on their own which frustrates to no end. But do I have time to fight all these incidental battles? Is it, at times, even worth it when they just do what they do anyway?
I read about "me time" and "mommy time" and mine comes in the form of phone conversations while I'm doing housework. I can't afford a babysitter and relatives are in short supply for the task for various reasons including their own hectic lives. My 12 year old isn't mature enough to babysit both boys when I'm not home. So some of you will say I need me time but it ain't gonna happen and I'm sure that would be a fix but only a short term one. Long term, I just need to get my confidence up.
At 43 I've had a colorful and arduous at times life, and weathered a lot of adversity and jst have to remind myself that things could be worse, thngs could be tougher, I've pulled through some tough stuff already, yadda yadda. It's just a lot of pressure to make decisions myself constantly, get criticized by relatives for some of it (which I know I should ignore but you still hear it) or just to wonder, as in maybe reprimanding my daughter for something, did I do the right thing? Or maybe letting her have some freedom - did I give her too much free reign? THings like that. Will she be safe going with her friends to whatever place/event? Am I doing the totally wrong thing with potty training? Am I too soft on my youngest or does he not realy understand when he whacks his brother in the head with a toy? Does he "get" time out, or is this just mean? Did I yell to harshly? DId I lecture too long? Am I creating too much stress in my house? Did I expect too much of my husband, should I nag less or more? Aghhh!!!
Honestly, I don't know what to expect from your comments and I have no idea what advice you could give, but venting made me feel slightly better.