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How mad would your DH/SO be if...(LONG rant)

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If you accidentally left a poopy diaper on the changing table connected to the crib (if you had that type) when you had to get up at 3:50 am to change her and get her back to sleep, and then in the morning when he went in there she was eating the poop from the diaper and had it all over her. Ok, yes I know that is nasty, but it was an accident and I was half asleep when I ran in there to see why she was screaming. She normally sleeps through the night and is almost 9 months old. I was half asleep, changed her in the dark because I didn't want to wake my 4 year old, gave her a paci, sat on the couch in the living room with her, got her to sleep and went to bed.

I am very forgetful and always have been even when completely awake, so half asleep, yes I forgot about the poopy diaper on the changing table. She is pulling up on everything so she is able to reach the diaper that was left on the changing table connected to her crib even with the mattress at its lowest point. I think it is gross that she was eating the poop, but I told him ever kid at some point will probably manage to eat their poop regardless of how hard to try to prevent it.

The reason I ask is my boyfriend got so angry, he changed her, went and showered and said he was going out. He was obviously mad and I asked what was wrong. He said we'd talk about it when he got back. I asked where he was going and he said he didn't know yet but he needed to calm down. I could understand him being mad but this is the most angry he has ever become in the over a year we've been together. He never even mentioned anything about the diaper or anything even though I got up when he was changing her, he never said anything to me. He left and I kept trying to come up with what he could suddenly be so angry about.

I went into the kids room and saw the clothes he changed her out of and saw some poo on them and threw them in the washer. I remembered that I had accidentally left the diaper there that early morning and so I texted him to see if it was about the diaper. So then he proceeded to text me back about how she was eating the poop. I said i was sorry about it, but I couldn't understand why he was so mad. He went to his friend's house and was there for a few hours. I finally took the kids to run to the store, when we got back he was home. He seemed to not be mad anymore like nothing happened, but I actually was mad at this point because he had gotten so mad at me and just left. I didn't say much to him as I was still a little angry but didn't want to start anything since he seemed to not be mad.

Well that night (Friday) I was supposed to be going out with a friend for her 21st birthday party and he was going to watch the kids. He ended up going to bed at 6:30 and didn't wake up when I tried to get him up so I could go. I NEVER go out, it has been since October that I've been out with friends, since I've gone somewhere by myself. He wouldn't get up and I missed out on going to my friends birthday because I can't leave a 4 year old and almost 9 month alone while he sleeps in the bedroom...Well he goes and visits friends a couple times a week for a couple hours at a time without us, so I didn't think it was much to ask for him to watch the kids so I could go out this one time.

Well I was trying to get over this and Saturday he said he was going to run stuff to Goodwill and joked about possibly being gone a couple hours, then he does end up gong to another friends house...I was supposed to be meeting some friends as one is moving out of town, I was taking the kids with me and hoped he would come with me, but he stayed at his friend's for quite a while. It was about 4:00 when I was leaving and asked if he was coming with cause he wasn't home, and he says no he needs to go home and go to bed, yes he works overnights but I thought it was unfair that he always stays up to see other people but wasn't willing to stay up to go with me, it was supposed to be a group thing, my two friends and their guys and their kids...

Anyway, so I left a note last night for him to see on the counter before heading to work, I went ahead and went to bed while he was still sleeping and I knew we wouldn't have time to discuss anything so I just laid in bed, let him get up and go to work. I went back out after he left and he had taken the note with him. I basically explained what I was feeling and how we needed to talk about all this. Well he gets home from work this morning and he seems in a good mood. I woke up about 8:30 and started making pancakes and he got home about 9. We ate and watched a kids show with my 4 year old and then I figured we'd get a chance to talk, well he went to bed not long after and I feel like he was in a good mood and ready to talk, but went to bed far earlier than what he normally does. Now I'm sitting here trying to figure out what this is all about and won't get a chance to talk to him until he gets up right before work...ugh. He's always been so good about everything and we talk about everything and now it seems like he's blowing this one thing out of proportion. Would this really be this big of a deal for anyone else?

by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 1:55 PM
Replies (31-40):
eevers55
by Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 9:35 AM

Wow. I think DH would just laugh at me for being so forgetful and then he'd call the pediatrician just to make sure DD didn't need to be checked for anything.
Even when we get in major blowup fights, they only last about 5-10 minutes and then we're fine again. I can't imagine him staying mad at me for longer and that it would affect other things in our life.
:(

coreynlala
by Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 11:50 AM
3 moms liked this

Can I tell you first of all that I have been in your shoes. My man gets angry with all things he doesn't understand. And we have had the poop incident ourselves. He was pissed at first until I called the doc and doc giggled. Doc said Wash him up, brush his teeth and move on with life. He (doc) himself had been through it with all his kids at one point or another. So don't let the other comments people have made about it being disgusting, make you feel bad. Obviously it is disgusting but if it hasn't happened to them then they are lucky. In my case, my son woke up before me and was quietly playing with his toys in his crib, I never heard him and he decided to explore in his diaper. I had no idea it was dirty or that he was awake. There's some things in life that just happen. Like the doc said, clean up and move on. As for the stay at home mom thing... I'm there too. I'm a stay at home mom with three kids. There are days when my man comes home and it looks like not a damn thing got done!! You can see dirty dishes just dying to be washed, pile of laundry on the floor in front of the washer, toys in all directions of the house, muddy footprints dried up on the floor that he made by the way) that haven't been mopped yet... What he doesn't see before he starts to bitch is... those are his and his children's dishes too not just mine, those are mostly all new dirty cloths that were pulled out of kids rooms or from what ever random spot in the house that he himself left his crap, the bathroom floor has actually been mopped twice because 2y/o didn't make it on the potty in time, decided to bleach little potty, toilet, kitchen sink, and bathroom trash as well, all kids are clean and smell good, I even washed my own ass and possibly shaved my legs, (which does take extra time and if ya go a little too long, something might just get said) and I'm curious if the man thinks his socks match themselves. lol. I do the grocery shopping, not him, so even on the nights when he's stuck cooking dinner, his ass needs to be thankful there's actually food to cook. I take kids to doc appts, playground or walks, play inside with my kids, attempt to teach numbers and alphabet, deal with tantrums and time outs!!  I finally snapped one day and told him exactly what it was. A friend of mine also snapped on him after he made a comment one day. She told him how hard it really is. At least he gets to get out of the house and see a few friends at work. Here I am having conversations with babies. Until my oldest gets home from school, then it's time to pay attention to him, check schoolwork, help with home work and that stuff. We are moms. Working or not we all as moms, don't get a day off!!! We are real life super heroes, Imperfect, but doing our best. My man, now, comes home from work and talks to me, the usual "how was your day" and stuff like that. He now understands that with all of the little things that happen throughout the day, that I have to deal with, plus the usual house work, spending quality time with kids, and running errands, there's some days when I just can't be that perfect tv mom. He needed to just be thankful for all I can do and pitch in with whatever I can't. The house is more peaceful if instead of him bitching about why something didn't get done, he just gets up and does it himself. It's what I'd tell him anyways. I'd tell him "Don't like it then it must be your problem. Solve it, I'm busy" You don't have to be as extreme as me of course but give him a dose of reality. Maybe even in a nice calm tone. We've been together almost 9 years si I just "give it to him" now. lol   Good luck

nuts4scouts
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 1:00 PM


Quoting Basherte:

Wait a minute here.

These kids are their responsibiity. The oldest is definitely hers, but he accepted that responsibilty when he started dating her. Then they had a child together, which makes the baby his responsibility as well, as he is the natural father of that baby. His choice.

Suggesting that a divorce is the only course of action for one incident is a little over the top if you ask me. 

First of all - I did NOT know that the youngest was his until after I posted.

Second - I never mentioned divorce.

However - he IS immature, petty, and from the more recent posts, very controlling.

He is considering breaking up with her because the house is not to his standards of cleanliness for pity sake!!

This is a guy who cares more about a stray dirty sock, and the dust on a table, than his family.

But will he actually TELL her when he is upset, or what he is upset by? NO! He runs away to his buddies, says NOTHING to her, until SHE FORCES a "talk". Then it is simply a list of HER deficiencies.

That is NOT a healthy relationship.

What this guy wants is a full time housekeeper who he can jump on when he feels horny. What he does NOT want is a PARTNER, and a family.

There are a few things that I see that can be done here -

Stargazerwolf - Your memory problems are not normal. It sounds like you might have some type of ADHD. There are possibly other problems there as well. You need to go see a doctor. A specialist, not your local family MD. You need to get a through testing, and workup, to determine if your problems have a physical component, and to be properly diagnosed.

This might be a problem for you. Since you gave up your job you are not covered by your own insurance. Since you are not married to Baby Daddy, his insurance might not cover you (or your older daughter for that matter) either.

You should look into this as soon as possible.

If he, and you, are serious about making this work you, and Baby Daddy, desperately need couples/family counseling.

He needs to learn that HE is not perfect either. You both need to learn how to communicate with each other. You both need to learn how to be PARTNERS.

I still say, until you can trust him to treat you like a full partner in this relationship, and not just take off whenever, you should NOT be completely dependant on him. Get a job. Get some money of your own, and some independence.

BTW - I have never had, or been in, a nursery that did not have some sort of garbage can next to the changing table. I highly suggest you purchase one with a locking lid of some kind that your toddler can not get into. A plastic grocery bag hung nearby is not sufficient. Your child will get into it.

im_2_xblessed
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:15 PM
2 moms liked this
Personally I have been in abusive relationships enough to know one...
And your in one he controls where you go...he conveniently fell asleep and wouldn't wake up for you to go out .....when you did have plans to go out as a family he was at a friends then decided not to go with you so he went to bed........ Then not even understanding how it is to take care of 2 children under 5 at the same time and he wants the house up to his standards...the threat of I'm leaving makes you have panic attacks....you need to think long and hard about everything ....he is immature...(goes to friends house and stays for hours....he could invite you and kids ) and yet you are expected to take the kids everywhere....does he ever go anywhere with the 3 of you in public or to a friends...I would personally tell him I've decided it's over bc I need a man who supports not only me but the kids as well,I want a man who respects me,granted I stay home all day I do everything else take care of kids make lunch for them and you. Etc...etc...etc....?
Don't stay bc you feel you love him if he threats
End to leave he obviously is thinking of his self and not of anyone else...
If you leave make sure you get child support from him to help raise your little one and I hope you get it for your 4 yr old as well unless the baby daddies gave up all their rights.
I wish you the best but don't settle just to settle....settle for the right man who not only respects you but also respects and cherishes the kids! You deserve better then what your getting.
notjstasocermom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:29 PM



Quoting LucyHarper:

He would be pretty upset, as would I if he did it, since thats really gross and can make the child sick.



notjstasocermom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:32 PM



Quoting nuts4scouts:


Quoting Basherte:

Wait a minute here.

These kids are their responsibiity. The oldest is definitely hers, but he accepted that responsibilty when he started dating her. Then they had a child together, which makes the baby his responsibility as well, as he is the natural father of that baby. His choice.

Suggesting that a divorce is the only course of action for one incident is a little over the top if you ask me. 

First of all - I did NOT know that the youngest was his until after I posted.

Second - I never mentioned divorce.

However - he IS immature, petty, and from the more recent posts, very controlling.

He is considering breaking up with her because the house is not to his standards of cleanliness for pity sake!! not all people want to live in a dirty/messy house, nothing wrong with that.

This is a guy who cares more about a stray dirty sock, and the dust on a table, than his family.

But will he actually TELL her when he is upset, or what he is upset by? NO! He runs away to his buddies, says NOTHING to her, until SHE FORCES a "talk". Then it is simply a list of HER deficiencies. this is how most guys are, lol.

That is NOT a healthy relationship.

What this guy wants is a full time housekeeper who he can jump on when he feels horny. What he does NOT want is a PARTNER, and a family.

There are a few things that I see that can be done here -

Stargazerwolf - Your memory problems are not normal. It sounds like you might have some type of ADHD. There are possibly other problems there as well. You need to go see a doctor. A specialist, not your local family MD. You need to get a through testing, and workup, to determine if your problems have a physical component, and to be properly diagnosed.

This might be a problem for you. Since you gave up your job you are not covered by your own insurance. Since you are not married to Baby Daddy, his insurance might not cover you (or your older daughter for that matter) either.

You should look into this as soon as possible.

If he, and you, are serious about making this work you, and Baby Daddy, desperately need couples/family counseling.

He needs to learn that HE is not perfect either. You both need to learn how to communicate with each other. You both need to learn how to be PARTNERS.

I still say, until you can trust him to treat you like a full partner in this relationship, and not just take off whenever, you should NOT be completely dependant on him. Get a job. Get some money of your own, and some independence.

BTW - I have never had, or been in, a nursery that did not have some sort of garbage can next to the changing table. I highly suggest you purchase one with a locking lid of some kind that your toddler can not get into. A plastic grocery bag hung nearby is not sufficient. Your child will get into it.



xoch86
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 2:56 PM


I absolutely agree

Quoting coreynlala:

Can I tell you first of all that I have been in your shoes. My man gets angry with all things he doesn't understand. And we have had the poop incident ourselves. He was pissed at first until I called the doc and doc giggled. Doc said Wash him up, brush his teeth and move on with life. He (doc) himself had been through it with all his kids at one point or another. So don't let the other comments people have made about it being disgusting, make you feel bad. Obviously it is disgusting but if it hasn't happened to them then they are lucky. In my case, my son woke up before me and was quietly playing with his toys in his crib, I never heard him and he decided to explore in his diaper. I had no idea it was dirty or that he was awake. There's some things in life that just happen. Like the doc said, clean up and move on. As for the stay at home mom thing... I'm there too. I'm a stay at home mom with three kids. There are days when my man comes home and it looks like not a damn thing got done!! You can see dirty dishes just dying to be washed, pile of laundry on the floor in front of the washer, toys in all directions of the house, muddy footprints dried up on the floor that he made by the way) that haven't been mopped yet... What he doesn't see before he starts to bitch is... those are his and his children's dishes too not just mine, those are mostly all new dirty cloths that were pulled out of kids rooms or from what ever random spot in the house that he himself left his crap, the bathroom floor has actually been mopped twice because 2y/o didn't make it on the potty in time, decided to bleach little potty, toilet, kitchen sink, and bathroom trash as well, all kids are clean and smell good, I even washed my own ass and possibly shaved my legs, (which does take extra time and if ya go a little too long, something might just get said) and I'm curious if the man thinks his socks match themselves. lol. I do the grocery shopping, not him, so even on the nights when he's stuck cooking dinner, his ass needs to be thankful there's actually food to cook. I take kids to doc appts, playground or walks, play inside with my kids, attempt to teach numbers and alphabet, deal with tantrums and time outs!!  I finally snapped one day and told him exactly what it was. A friend of mine also snapped on him after he made a comment one day. She told him how hard it really is. At least he gets to get out of the house and see a few friends at work. Here I am having conversations with babies. Until my oldest gets home from school, then it's time to pay attention to him, check schoolwork, help with home work and that stuff. We are moms. Working or not we all as moms, don't get a day off!!! We are real life super heroes, Imperfect, but doing our best. My man, now, comes home from work and talks to me, the usual "how was your day" and stuff like that. He now understands that with all of the little things that happen throughout the day, that I have to deal with, plus the usual house work, spending quality time with kids, and running errands, there's some days when I just can't be that perfect tv mom. He needed to just be thankful for all I can do and pitch in with whatever I can't. The house is more peaceful if instead of him bitching about why something didn't get done, he just gets up and does it himself. It's what I'd tell him anyways. I'd tell him "Don't like it then it must be your problem. Solve it, I'm busy" You don't have to be as extreme as me of course but give him a dose of reality. Maybe even in a nice calm tone. We've been together almost 9 years si I just "give it to him" now. lol   Good luck



sroddy1087
by on Jan. 28, 2013 at 3:40 PM

My son took his diaper off when he was a year old and ate his poop. I stayed at home at that time and my hubby worked. Did he get mad that while in my care my son ate poop? No. I can understand it being in the middle of the night and being half-asleep. Yes, it is disgusting. But it happens. (My son's doctor said it won't hurt them. It's just gross, but brush the teeth/gums). I think you deserve to be able to get out every so often. If he refuses to watch the kids, find someone trustworthy to watch them and get out, girl! Go spend time with your friends. We as moms all know how much-needed time with the girlfriends is. :D

stargazerwolf
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 6:19 PM

Thank you everyone. I wanted to add a few things that I didn't say that we had talked about, I didn't want to put the whole conversation on because it would have been even longer. We did talk about how he would take off to his friends houses and why he won't take us. Well one of them has a very small place with 4 people living there, honestly the rest of us wouldn't fit there, seriously I've been there before and often he doesn't stay at this friends house for more than a couple hours. The other friend he goes to also has about 5 adults living there and is a small place, but the biggest concern is they ALL smoke inside the apartment and obviously not only do I not want to be in there but I won't have the kids in there, so I now understand why he won't take us to these places. The second friend it used to be just him and his brother so when we had gone there before they would go outside to smoke so it wasn't a big deal then, but now with all those people it just wouldn't be good for the kids.

I also want to mention its not that he NEVER lets me go out. He said he didn't purposely fall asleep the night I was supposed to go out and I have now been planning a girls night for me and my friends and he says he will watch the girls when I want to go out. My big problem is he has all his family and friends here and I don't have any family and only a couple friends, so part of it isn't his fault. So he isn't refusing, it just keeps happening that whenever something is planned I end up having to cancel or my friend(s) cancel or this one time he fell asleep. He does work overnights so for the most part he is used to sleeping during the day. He did appologize for falling asleep.

Also I do think his standards of clean are a little high, I keep a pretty clean house but he has specifics on how often he wants things cleaned and doesnt like anything to be left around (a bottle and of course a diaper). He has always kept a very clean place when him and his brother lived together, they used to do weekly cleanings of everything (if not more often). However I am raising my standards now and did a deep clean today, talking all the kitchen cabinets, fridge, floors, bathrooms, dusting and made sure all dishes are taken care of right away, nothing is left around, every nap the baby toys are put away and at night.

We do often go places together and we have 2 cars so its not like I can't go places or anything. We go grocery shopping together, to different stores, to his family get togethers and friend's BBQs, we also do go shopping together as well (he's one guy who likes shopping). So he doesn't control as much as some seem to believe. I know it is hard to gather the whole situation from a few posts. I know controlling, my ex husband was awful and I had no escape from our trailer because he'd just leave for 12 hours a day and wasn't even working and I couldn't leave because he took the car.  He did control everything, I wouldn't let myself be in that situation again.

As far as the poopy diaper, I told him its not going to be something that keeps happening, I also equate it to when people let their kids play outside and young ones might grab some dirt to eat, dirt is worse than their own poop anyway because it could have animal poop and any number of parasites. Again not trying to say it was ok that it happened but there are worse things and its not like I just let her eat poop, nor that I plan to ever let it happen again. I tied the bag on the changing table because I do throw diapers away right away during the day, a trashcan in their room will get knocked over, but any diaper that ends up in the bag will be thrown out by the next day and is out of reach when she's on the floor or in the crib. To tell you the truth it is more of a reminder to me, kind of like how people sometimes tie a string around their finger. This is a small apartment and the kitchen is only about 10 steps from the bedroom.

We normally do talk about everything, I think he was holding back a little though because he was trying to be patient with me and then this last thing just broke the camel's back. He might have been hoping it would get my butt in gear, yes sometimes I do get lazy, I also had some "depressed" days where I'd get up when he got home but fall asleep on the couch for a few hours, and that upset him which I understand.

He feels like he is always having to make me get my butt in gear, but I told him its not that, its just that we have different ideas of things like with the cleaning and such. I think now that this talk has been done things will be a lot better.

As for my memory I think it is a family trait, my mom has memory problems and my grandma has dementia after her stroke. I am working on it, doing different things to remind myself of things. I don't think a doc will do any good, and no I have no insurance right now. It would cost over $200 for my older daughter and me to get insurance. I am working on at least getting her some. The daughter me and my boyfriend have together is under his insurance, since we aren't married he can't cover me or my other daughter.

Oh and one more note, he does expect me to keep up all the housework and cooking, however as far as being "someone to jump on when he is horny" no, he has lost his sex drive with everything that has been going on. I have a higher drive than he does. In some ways our relationship is reversed, he is more like the woman and I am more like the man except that he is working and I'm staying home...lol

Once again thank you everyone for your posts. I also appriciate the encouragement and that not all of you felt like bashing me. I am feeling a lot better today and he was in a good mood today as well, so I think things are good for now. :)

 

stargazerwolf
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2013 at 6:30 PM

Sorry with the long replies but I wanted to add ONE more thing. One other issue he was having is that he also thinks me and the kids should have an actual set schedule. Like get up at 8am, do whatever preschool lesson at a set time, then lunch, then next preschool lesson, etc. He says because in life you have to get used to schedules and that the kids need that. I do agree the kids could use schedule but I like to let them wakeup on their own, which is usually 8:30/9 and then we have breakfast, but I dont have any kind of schedule because that's how I wanted it. If I ended up homeschooling like I'd like to do I plan to do it with things to do for the day but no set schedule because there are too many variables on if that will stay or not (screaming baby, diaper changes, etc)

He really thinks the schedule thing is a big deal, and I believe that is because he was raised not only with a set schedule but he was actually raised Mormon which I think has to do with some of our issues though he is not Mormon anymore. He made his bed every morning (like he wants me to do now) and had a set schedule. I was raised where I didn't have to do that every morning, just keep my room clean and our only schedule was going to school...He doesn't seem to like my laid back approach, but I do admit his whole family is very successful and get things done, so maybe that is a good idea when I consider how my family is (not that we are losers, just kind of all over, mom is messed up, dad became kinda distant after their divorce, sis is stay at home mom, one brother in the military, one finally going to college, but we are all working in a sense)

I don't like having to schedule everything out as long as I have a list of what needs to get done, I can get it done, you know? I am trying to make him understand that...

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