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I dont know what to do, His ex is driving me crazy!!!

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Heres the deal... Let me know what yall think please.

I am a mother of 2(6&4 y/o) with a baby due in April, my BF also has a DD from a previous relationship... She'll be 3 in April. His ex and him DO NOT get along. He is a very rational person and tries his hardest to be the best dad he can be. He only gets to see his DD every other weekend due to their custody agreement and It kills him when he has to take her home. Well since they have split up 2 years ago they have had issues like crazy. He tries not to let her escalate things for the sake of their DD but ever since she found out that we were expecting our son she has gone beyond her usual hatefulness... Shes constantly bashing him on Facebook for not making/having time to see their DD and when he does its only on court appointed days, the thing about that is that every time he tries to get her any day that isnt one that falls during his weekends she always refuses and has even told him "You cant see her on any day that isnt yours as is stated in the custody agreement" He has gone behind her back to see DD while she stays with his ex's mom. When she found out that he'd been by to see her she stopped letting her mother watch DD. Now his ex's mom only gets to see her when his weekends roll around. 

My BF always gives DD a bath 30 mins or so before she goes home, has been like that since Ive met him its their routine. Well Sunday was a very nice day we spent a while outside letting the kids enjoy the weather and play (like children do) Well my BFs mom ended up coming over to spend some time with DD before she went home (@6pm) while we were fixing them an early dinner. Well she doesnt like to listen when her Meemom is around so it took her 3x as long to finish eating, by the time she was done it was already a little past 6 and he was about to giver her a bath when his ex called asking wher the F he was, he told her he was running late and that he was about to give her a bath and she said "I dont have time to wait for you to get your shit together how irresponsible can you be? and told him to just bring DD to her cause she had plans. Well he wiped her down and put her in the clothes that she came in (His ex made a big deal about how she doesnt buy clothes for her to keep at his house so as soon as she gets to our house she changes and those clothes are kept for her to wear home) and he took off to take her back. Shortly after he left her house I got a FB message saying "I dont understand why my DD always comes home smelling like a damn puppy dog, she always comes back so filthy, this is getting ridiculous..." Well later she starts bashing him on FB saying that their DD always comes home with such a bad rash from being so filthy and never takes a bath and how my BF is such an irresponsible and neglegent parent and how he never even changes her clothes or panties thats why she gets such a bad rash and that its a yeast infection and BLah Blah blah... Well a friend of his told him (cuz she blocked us) all this and sent pics of the posts and comments and everyone is agreeing that she should report him and all kinds of stuff. Well he hit her up and told her "You know damn well that this is the first time Ive ever not given her a bath on sunday, she took one saturday and if you remember correctly you told me you didnt have time for me to bathe her to just bring her and if she has a rash especially a yeast infection why on earth are you blasting it on FB instead of making an appointment for her to see the doctor." She said she was going to make an appointment on monday and shed tell him what the doctor said and just tried to drop it there... I told him NO, you have her have the Dr. print up a paper saying that she was diagnosed with, the cause was and the treatment plan all signed and everything so he did. Well he texted her yesterday to ask if she got the appt. and got no reply. Finally got ahold of her this morning, turns out she didnt make the appointment and shes decided its not a yeast infection that its just a minor rash but my BF told her 'fine, but Ill let you know what time her appointment is tomorrow and we can meet up there and take her and get this whole thing sorted out..." Her response was "well Im sure by the time she goes to see the Dr. the rash will be gone."

How convienient right?? I dont understand why she would do things like that. What can we do to keep her from doing this?? What else is she going to come up with... Ughh

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 12:08 PM
Replies (21-28):
achapman
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 4:38 PM

girl the BM i deal with is 10 x worse you need to take a step back and not get so involved. I know its hard but your going to drive yourself insane trying to understand someone as bitter and selfish as some mom's can be that are not with the father. Sounds like she's not over your BF and that's why she's acting out.


marisab
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 4:49 PM

sounds like she sone heck of a drama mamam make sure u document on your side just in case

la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 10:56 PM

 Wow, that's a lot of drama. Good luck

Elle.tea.22
by Member on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:25 PM
Can't he get custody?
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Lurion
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:38 PM

You've got a long road ahead of you. Good luck with it all! 

If you can, have your friend take screen shots and keep a record of what she's saying. That should be addressed. By HIM. She shouldn't be bad mouthing him. If there are legitimate concerns, she can bring them up in writing in an e-mail to him. 

You may not want to hear this, but--it makes everything 100X smoother if your bf can just be to the letter with the custody agreement. I've been on the other side of that coin, and it is highly frustrating to have plans and be waiting for the kids to get home at a certain time, then they're late and it throws everything off. Or being hit with extra requests to see the kids at times that would be a big hassle, then be accused of keeping them from him when I don't bend to his requests. That's why you have an agreement, after all--to lend peace, predictability and stability to all parties' lives. If he doesn't feel he sees them enough, he should bring it up in court rather than sneak around or ask for extra times at his convenience.

Good luck. :)

 



Basherte
by Bronze Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:09 AM

Contact a lawyer. They will know everything that he would need to have and what the steps are to doing this. Seriously, first step... call a lawyer. 

Don't allow her to do this shit to him. You need to stay out of it as much as you possibly can. Just so that she can't bring you into it and try to make him look bad because of the things she would say about you. 

I've been there. I'm no longer married to that man. Different reasons. 

Stay strong. Know that this woman (and I'm using this term loosely) is just a crazy bitch who is trying to hurt him through their daughter.  With the stuff that she is doing, I would get a friend to screen shot everything that she says about him and you on her fb... then print that all out and take it to the lawyer. 

Not sure if that would help him to get full custody or not.  I would personally go for full complete custody, and have her be the one with visitation rights. 

Good luck momma.

Quoting Jewl-e:

 I do distance myself. I dont get in the middle of their issues and I dont respond to any kind of bait she throws out there... The major reason why she gets under my skin is because she makes my BF feel like shit even though he knows without a doubt that none of what she says is true. He wont sink to her level but he has all the proof of her contradicting herself saying one thing to him and saying another to whoever... My thing is that I want to be a united front or at least civil... He would love to take her to court but hes not sure how to go about it all...


Quoting snowangel1979:

I think you need to distance yourself.

You worry about her when she's in your care, let her mother worry about her in her care. (minus anything major)

Don't worry about what she writes on Facebook, It's non of your business. I'm sure people know she's a drama queen. All your doing is feeding her drama b.s.

If he wants more time or to be more in charge of medical decisions, he needs to hire a lawyer and bring he back to court.




SnapIt
by Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 8:30 AM
What misery she is
Sad to think there are parents out there like this. And her peeps on her FB are stupid to stick their nkses into something they havent witness with their own eyes

Keep doing what you are and take pics of her before she leaves to go home and save anything anyone sends you from her FB
This will catch up to her. Her dd will grow up and see what her mother really is.
My SO has went through something similar, the only thing is his kids are older and can speak for themselves. Now they are getting older and mom is losing the contol she once had. Her kids see what she pulls with their dad and more and more they are losing respect for her.
They can only play this control game for so long.
Continue doing what you have been with dd/sd.
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Onemiracle
by Member on Jan. 30, 2013 at 11:38 PM

Having a united front is a great idea, and it is terrific that you all have this little darling's needs in mind.

THere have been lots of great tips and I would just add:

Keep a log of what happens, both the good and the bad... and particularly the key sticking points that the ex keeps "shopping around."   Photos of the condition of the child on arrival, just prior to departure - notes on what you all did over the visit.   The arrival outfit, the departure outfit -- including the undies. This is not for the scrapbook, and no need to share this with anyone.. this is just to keep a visual record of what did and did not happen.   It doesn't need to be fancy, but a text document and photographs are a huge help. Take an inventory of her belongings going in and going out... so if there are continued accusations.. you can simpy pull out the log and say.. "Well for the past xx visits, she has left with exactly what she arrived wearing (washed, of course).  There was an exception on xx date because of yyy."  This will reduce her power to blow small missteps out of proportion - and support  BFs consistent and caring environment.

Then if BF has to go back to court, he will have organized records.

If possible, , (this is up to your ex) kindly ask people who do see her posts to "stop feeding the beast."  Out of respect for your BF's dd - just not to engage.   Don't ask via email or social media - because it may aggravate the situation... and only with people who understand this is out of concern for this little one. 




Quoting Jewl-e:

 I do distance myself. I dont get in the middle of their issues and I dont respond to any kind of bait she throws out there... The major reason why she gets under my skin is because she makes my BF feel like shit even though he knows without a doubt that none of what she says is true. He wont sink to her level but he has all the proof of her contradicting herself saying one thing to him and saying another to whoever... My thing is that I want to be a united front or at least civil... He would love to take her to court but hes not sure how to go about it all...


Quoting snowangel1979:

I think you need to distance yourself.

You worry about her when she's in your care, let her mother worry about her in her care. (minus anything major)

Don't worry about what she writes on Facebook, It's non of your business. I'm sure people know she's a drama queen. All your doing is feeding her drama b.s.

If he wants more time or to be more in charge of medical decisions, he needs to hire a lawyer and bring he back to court.




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