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Seeking Advice As A New SAHM

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I've been with my husband for 5 1/2 years. For the first 3, I was the primary breadwinner (and, for a long time, sole breadwinner). After having our son and struggling to juggle the demands of motherhood, domestic management and consultant, I put aside my career to be, for the first time in 32 years, a SAHW/M. Lately, I've been struggling with my new-found role. I adore motherhood, and feel fortunate to be able to stay home. However, my days that were once filled with adult conversation, pop trends, water cooler conversation have been entirely replaced with dirty diapers, cartoons, cleaning, and being subservient to my husband in all of his new-found power ("You want help with what? I go to work. That's your help.")

I have no idea what it is to be a single mother - but for the past several months I've felt alone in all parenting and domestic duties: put down when expectations aren't met, constantly reminded that I could "get a job," - although, as he's expressly stated, despite having an advanced degree, I could only consider a nights/weekends job, such as waitressing/bar tending (FYI - I did BOTH for many years and am NOT saying I'm above either!) because his career comes first.

Since I only have 4 IRL friends with kids (1 works, while hubby stays home, 2 stay home, and 1 just had her son and will be putting her son in daycare when ML runs out), I wanted to ask how CM moms handle domesticity.

I have had a lot of resentment lately (toward hubby, NEVER son). For almost 3 years I paid all of his bills, travel to see his daughter , family vacation costs, etc, before baby. And when he was at home, I still cleaned, cooked, or paid for meals out. Now, I feel like I'm expected to fill Donna Reed's shoes. Am I programmed wrong or have I "programmed my husband" wrong? How do SAHMs out there in cyberland juggle parenting/domestic obligations?
by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 11:32 PM
Replies (11-14):
by Amber on Feb. 2, 2013 at 6:00 PM
Ahhhh tough.

They are different worlds I've done both.

Communication and compromise with your dh is #1.

Then routines for you and the kids. Gl!
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by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 7:57 PM

Sounds like your issue is not a SAHM issue, it sounds like a husband issue. Although, being a SAHM is your primary job/focus, that does not mean he can not help. It's utterly rediculous that he is treating the issue in such a manner..

marriage is built of love,trust and compromise, if you are asking for help and he is refusing to give it then he's pretty much an asshole. They are still his kid(s) too.  He can't just not be a dad and a husband because he has a job.

by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 8:49 PM
I agree you and your husband should sit down and hash it out because he is trippin.
by Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 9:03 PM

Was you husband in school early in your marriage?  Is having a career/job completely new to him?

I was a lawyer before I became a SAHM.  The transition was difficult.  It was extremely helpful to find a group of women friends in a similar situation for adult conversation.

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