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Need Advice

Posted by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:14 PM
  • 7 Replies

My 2 year old is adopted and I have 5 and a half month old same dad but not with him. What I need to ask is when my little on gets old enough how amI suppose to explain why her sisters not here and why her real dad dont want her?


by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 4:14 PM
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by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:31 AM

 I'm not sure, but maybe the ladies on this group could help, too:


by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:43 AM
Well you don't ever say he doesn't " want " her.
You do it by age appropriate answers.
You don't know what will happen before she asks. You could be married. Then it will be easier to " count" all the ppl who love her. Even if you aren't married, we counted all the people in his " heart family" that we loved. The list got so long, he totally forgot his question.

Don't worry about it until it comes up.... You don't really know when she'll notice or care....
But never use the phrase " your dad doesn't want you". That trauma cannot be undone.
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by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:54 AM
We explained dd's 1/2 brother by saying Daddy was the one who helped make him, but his other dad (the one who adopted him) is the one who's raising him. Dd6 sometimes asks why we can't go see him and we say that's just his mom's rules, but maybe when you're adults you can. We're not lieing at all, but still keeping it age appropriate. I know new questions will come up throughout her whole life, and we'll always be honest, but age appropriate.

You can say when you made her sis you weren't ready to be a mommy so you gave her to her other mommy and daddy, but when she was born you were all ready to be a mommy. You could simply tell her Daddy wasn't ready to be a daddy yet.
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by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 12:29 PM

Just to sort this out in my head - what you are saying is that you gave up your 2 year old for adoption because your baby daddy did not want her, then proceeded to get pregnant for a second time by the same guy, who did not want this child either. However, you decided to keep the second child.

Whew, if that is the case, that is a lot to lay on a kid. No matter how old they are.

Your child is only 5 months old. Don't worry about something, now, that might happen 10-20 years in the future. A lot can, and will, happen between now, and then.

Simply spend the time being the best mother you can be, and raising your child to be the best person she can be. Show her that you love her.

Cross the "why did you give away my sister, but not me" question bridge when/if it happens.

by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 12:45 PM

Look for a childrens book about adoption and read it with your little one, just try to make it part of their family story. Don't keep it a secret or anything and keep it simple. "Mommy couldn't take care of your sister then so I had to find a really good family for her"

by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 4:10 PM

Okay thanks every one. The reason why I gave up her sister was because her dad wanted her so he called cps on me and come to find out we were both unsuitable so I gave her a better chance. With this one its the same way but he is not on the bc but he was a bad drug head and even worse drunk. Thank you every one.

by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 10:57 AM

I would start now, make a book with her, and tell her her story every night. That way it is normal, she knows about it right away. 

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