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Naturalist mom needs help-Am I depriving my kids? I dont think so, but Mimi does!

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Okay, first off Im a homeschooling, atheist, as green and natural as possible mom of two and a half. My oldest is four, second nineteen months and the third is due in July. I'll be twenty-eight this year. Im not new to being a mom, I was barely new to it when my first born came around thanks to the years and years of practice I already had with my godson and his three siblings and my brother who was six years younger. That said, my parenting style and my mother's are VERY different-my kids get maybe two hours of TV a day. Maybe. And thats only PBS, educational shows. We dont eat a lot of junk food in our house and when we do it's 'junk' like Raisenets, graham crackers, crackers and cheese, so forth. They get snacks like that and we have ice cream occasionally for dessert, but they prefer fruit as much as they do a cookie, which we do get maybe once a month. I dont buy juice very often-originally because it's so expensive but now because it's simply better for them to drink milk and water-they dont need a lot of juice, we do not have chips in this house, except the once every few months tortillia chips Daddy likes, no lollipops because I dont like hard candy. (They do get an occasional piece of chocolate or other candy, just not hard candy) They are happy! They eat GOOD food like fish, rice, steak and so on, and my little guy LOVES veges, which is nice since his brother is a battle to eat any. :-)

My mother disagrees with just about everything I listed above, including my religious status-she says 'you werent raised to be an atheist' as if that just makes my beliefs irrelevant. My little guy hasnt been gaining weight-hes been a slow grower since birth-and the doctor is watching him for that. I mention this to my mom and how Im working on giving him the 'healthy fats' like cheese and milk and whatever (any suggestions on that would be great) and she starts in on how 'a couple' cookies a DAY to add fat to his diet won't hurt them. I told her flat out Im not pumping him full of crap just to make him gain weight and she got all annoyed. She'll show up with two or three bottles of juice and say how 'they were on sale'. When I do buy juice, it's vege juice. We go to her house and she immediately turns on the TV and turns on whatever random kid's show she can find. I dont let them watch things I havent approved first. Then she constantly pushes me about new movies that came out, wanting me to get them and let my kid watch them without having a CLUE what they actually have in them-she goes by commercials alone. She acts like Im depriving my kids by not pumping them full of crap and letting them sit in front of the TV for hours watching whatever they feel like!
Sorry for the long post but shes been making me crazy and I needed to vent-any suggestions on how to deal with an impossible woman who does not listen to anyone and takes EVERYTHING personally? (Without compromising my own beliefs in the right way to raise my children!)

by on Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:07 PM
Replies (41-46):
cb.5
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:14 PM
1 mom liked this

 

This is pretty much what I was going to say.....

When I dissagree with my mom (very very often!!) I say Okay, mom......and I do what I think is better. She wins because I "took" her advice and I win because she thinks I'm doing things the right (her) way lol.I love my mom but I think her parenting book was published in the 1930's

Anyway it sounds to me like your doing great.


Quoting NearSeattleMom:

Smile, nod and then do things the way you want to do them.  Don't argue with your mom . . . just let things go. Don't turn everything into a battle or argument.  Isn't life too short?

You don't really want to spend the next twenty years in a power struggle with your mom, do you?  So drop your end of the tug-of-war rope and stop pulling.

Really.  Just let go and enjoy your kids while they're young and you can control so much!



spotsmom
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:52 PM
1 mom liked this

Ha! I thought I was the only one going through this! My gamily acts like I'm depriving my kids because I limit junkfood, NO soda, and fruit instead of sweets, for the most part. They do occasionally get cookies, ice cream, etc, I just think it should be a "sometimes" thing. Like you I monitor what they watch (PBS mostly) and limit it, as well. My parents act like I'm depriving my kids, too. I just call it being a good parent. I will say, though, when it'sa special occasion, I go all out. They get plenty of candy in their stockings and Easter baskets, and for Valentines, and I let them them have "junk food" type snacks at their birthday parties. 

5PointedHuman
by Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 12:21 AM
1 mom liked this

Are you my older twin? I understand exactly how you feel. In addition to what a lot of the other moms have said, you also need to educate your son on WHY he cannot watch certain things and why certain things are unhealthy and can damage his body. My four year old automatically asks "Is this organic?" and "How much sugar does this have?" Or if my parents are talking about a television show "Oh no. I don't watch things like that." If my mother is being stubborn, he;s not afraid to say out-right "That food is crap" It makes my job easier, and it's harder for her to give him crappy food and too much tv

SWasson
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 9:48 AM

Here's a suggestion: When you visit your mom's house, you let grandma spoil the kids with TV shows and extra sugar. That's sort of a grandparents' prerogative. Being controlling about harmless things in her home is impolite, and your children will not be ruined for life because things are different at Grandma's. Then, you tell her that in exchange for not giving her grief about her grandparenting style, she is going to keep quiet about yours, because you don't want to hear it.

CatFishMom
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 10:05 AM

It's no one's right or prerogative to undermine a parent's authority, or to effectively tell a child that they dont have to listen to their mother when theyre at someone else's house-ESPECIALLY a grandparent, and thats what happens when we go there. I say he doesnt need a show, he already had his TV for the day and she blows me off and does it anyway-wow, thanks for teaching my kid that what I say doesnt matter. When I tell him he has to eat at least one bite of his vegetable before hes having the dessert she bought (that I dont object to because she likes to give him treats and I do give in on that) and she waves her hand and says, oh he ate enough. Really? She doesnt have the right to disrespect me in front of my child and Im not putting up with it. Anyone who does deserves the poor behavior their child returns to them as a result.

doulala
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 10:23 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting CatFishMom:

It's no one's right or prerogative to undermine a parent's authority, or to effectively tell a child that they dont have to listen to their mother when theyre at someone else's house-ESPECIALLY a grandparent, and thats what happens when we go there. I say he doesnt need a show, he already had his TV for the day and she blows me off and does it anyway-wow, thanks for teaching my kid that what I say doesnt matter. When I tell him he has to eat at least one bite of his vegetable before hes having the dessert she bought (that I dont object to because she likes to give him treats and I do give in on that) and she waves her hand and says, oh he ate enough. Really? She doesnt have the right to disrespect me in front of my child and Im not putting up with it. Anyone who does deserves the poor behavior their child returns to them as a result.

ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY.

I wouldn't even discuss it with her, just don't go over there.  
  If you want to talk, simply say: "it's not working out."

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