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How to teach a child safety without scaring them

Posted by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:02 AM
  • 12 Replies

My DH scared the bejesus out of my 4 year old daughter last night.  He asked her what her name was and she was saying the wrong last name.  He told her that if she ever was lost and she did not say her name right she would not be able to come home.  Needless to say not long after she was in tears and cried for at least two hours before I was able to get her to sleep.  She woke up at least 30 times in middle of the night and was wimpering and having horrible dreams.  

I understand wanting her to know how to get home safe but it pissed me off that he put it in a way that scared her.  How do/did you teach you children about stranger danger and safety?

by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ceciliam
by Cecilia on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:39 AM

Get the, Safe Side dvd. It's cute and funny but informative. I got it for my son when he was 4 and he loved to watch it!

http://www.thesafeside.com/

peanutsmommy1
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:48 AM

I teach my son to trust his instincts and basic saftey, but I refuse to raise him to believe that every person he doesn't know is out to harm him

atlmom2
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:03 PM
They should be a little scared. If they aren't you are not getting through to them. She should know her last name before 4. Mine are adults and were not scarred by us teaching them.
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kirbymom
by Bronze Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 2:20 PM
1 mom liked this

Aww -- I am sorry that your daughter had a frightful time. :(   

But....

It isn't WHAT he said that scared your daughter. It is HOW he said it, that scared your daughter. You can tell a child, even one as young as 4, the truth. But, you need to make sure you say it with the correct tone.  And put it on a level that she can understand.  She should know that not all people are nice and for her to know the difference means you are going to have to talk about people who she doesn't know plus who and how to learn to trust.  Just start talking about it as calmly and matter of factly as you can. Don't make a big deal. Just talk about how she should behave and such. If you do this a few times a week, she will begin to understand what you are wanting her to learn.  

Good Luck Sweety.  :) 

la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 2:40 PM

 Bump

rstuart66
by Bronze Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:12 AM

It was more his tone than his message.  He was just worried for her and didn't think she know her full name.  She wasn't taking it seriously and it made him stress it more and upset her.  The next day she said her name the right way and he understood that she does know.  

PinkParadox
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by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:18 AM


Quoting atlmom2:

They should be a little scared. If they aren't you are not getting through to them. She should know her last name before 4. Mine are adults and were not scarred by us teaching them.
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MrsJoe125
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:30 AM

I understand both your maternal instincts not to scare your child.  I understand your dh's position as protector; he wants to protect her at any cost.

We strike the balance by reassuring our children (4 of them from teenager to toddler) that, they will be safe as long as they listen to what we teach them and follow the rules we set.  This balance is struck between there are bad ppl who will do bad things to other ppl, BUT you are safe with Mommy and Daddy and obeying us and the rules we teach you.

Specifically, I would help her practice and reassure her that, as long as she is working toward improvement and doing her best, she will be able to pronounce her last nam properly if the time ever comes that she needs to.

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:53 AM

I always said that I would be so upset if I lost them and to always find a mom or a store clerk so they could help look for me, I said never to get in a car with anyone they didn't know, or even get close enough to a car that a person could grab them, just in case. I taught them their phone number to the tune of a song. But just keep it simple, she is very sensitive! Your husband probably feels terrible, have him talk with her some more.

doulala
by on Feb. 2, 2013 at 12:02 PM

That sounds cruel--    yikes.
A lot of children don't know their full names/other info early on and it doesn't help to make them uncomfortable if their body isn't able to retain that yet.
Get a wrist band or something to help parents feel secure.    It isn't a little child's responsibility/ability, if they can't do it yet/haven't been taught yet, it's not their fault.    

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