Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Okay, so I am going to try and keep this as short as possible.. it is an issue I have with my MIL. 

Since we announced we were having another baby my MIL has been not in the mind frame (in my opinion). She told me I was no longer allowed in her house until I got an abortion, this lasted a whole month. She has told me that I cant eat dinner at the same dinner table as her, she refuses to come to my baby shower and disrespected the way we choose to raise our 2 year old son as well. 

Throughout this time I have voiced to my spouse how sad it makes me that she acts this way. My guy is an awesome father and partner but in this siutation he always tells me to get over it and let it go. He uses the excuse that she is older (in her 80s) and things were different, basically she isnt caught up on the times. I reply by telling him that if he cant support me or offer me reassurance I want to visit a counselor to talk about this and get it off my chest. He then tells me I am over-reacting. I love my man and would never let anything come between us, but it has put a large strain on our relationship. Last night it all came up because he went to watch a hockey game at his parents house and I said I felt uncomfortable going. When I am there she doesnt speak to me and there is alot of tension in the room. I want to have a relationship with her that is close and where she is like a second mom, but no matter what I do she doesnt want to. 

What would you guys do? I dont want to see a medical professional behind his back but I also dont want to live like this and not be able to voice my concerns. HELP! 

thank you

by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 10:48 AM
Replies (11-20):
itsamadfrenzy
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:37 AM


I dont know why but I cant refuse my children to see her. That is just the way I am. I would feel like I am lowering myself to her level of nastiness! Doing that also puts even more burden on my relationship with my spouse and would cause arguments between us, which I dont want. 

Luckily for now my son is still young enough that he hasnt caught on but when he does if things are no better I would like him to look at it with this outlook.. "Some people may not like you, agree with you or want to be your friend but you have to be the bigger person." 

Quoting Mistweave:

I would go and see someone if that was what I felt would make me feel better and I would tell him I was going.  I would also not allow my children around a woman that insists on acting like a harpy.  She'll miss her grandchildren eventually and learn to play nice.  I have people in my family like that too and I refuse to be around them and they will not be allowed around my child after it's born either.



Mistweave
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:39 AM
1 mom liked this

That's true but at the same time she's a horrible person by the sounds of it and would be a very bad influence for the children.

Quoting itsamadfrenzy:


I dont know why but I cant refuse my children to see her. That is just the way I am. I would feel like I am lowering myself to her level of nastiness! Doing that also puts even more burden on my relationship with my spouse and would cause arguments between us, which I dont want. 

Luckily for now my son is still young enough that he hasnt caught on but when he does if things are no better I would like him to look at it with this outlook.. "Some people may not like you, agree with you or want to be your friend but you have to be the bigger person." 

Quoting Mistweave:

I would go and see someone if that was what I felt would make me feel better and I would tell him I was going.  I would also not allow my children around a woman that insists on acting like a harpy.  She'll miss her grandchildren eventually and learn to play nice.  I have people in my family like that too and I refuse to be around them and they will not be allowed around my child after it's born either.




gypsy30
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:40 AM

 I think it's messed up that your husband is okay with your MIL telling you to have an abortion or else.  What's up with that??

itsamadfrenzy
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:46 AM


Oh no, he wasnt at all! That was wayyy too long of a story to put on so I just put it as a basic detail. He really let her have it for that comment. 


Quoting gypsy30:

 I think it's messed up that your husband is okay with your MIL telling you to have an abortion or else.  What's up with that??



gypsy30
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 11:57 AM
1 mom liked this

 Gotcha.  But I think your dh needs to have your back, whether it's his mother or not.  She sounds pretty hateful.  If you're not good enough to eat dinner at the same table as she is, your dh needs to have a talk with his mother.

Quoting itsamadfrenzy:

 

Oh no, he wasnt at all! That was wayyy too long of a story to put on so I just put it as a basic detail. He really let her have it for that comment. 

 

Quoting gypsy30:

 I think it's messed up that your husband is okay with your MIL telling you to have an abortion or else.  What's up with that??

 

 

 

SexyTeacher
by Gold Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 12:18 PM

 


Quoting lucky2Beeme:

I think you need to go to the source of the problems his mother. ASK her why she doesn't like you ? Ask her what changes can be made so you all have a good relationship. If she wont work with you for a better relationship then you need to decide how you want to handle this.


 

Bleacheddecay
by Gold Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 6:27 PM

This! I totally agree.


Quoting Mistweave:

I would go and see someone if that was what I felt would make me feel better and I would tell him I was going.  I would also not allow my children around a woman that insists on acting like a harpy.  She'll miss her grandchildren eventually and learn to play nice.  I have people in my family like that too and I refuse to be around them and they will not be allowed around my child after it's born either.



MomTiara19
by Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 7:10 PM

I have a mil like yours.

I have been married for over 13 years and shes still just as nasty...lol...(only now can I laugh)

My dh and I used to really fight over this.He never took my side until he noticed I was really getting ganged up on fom others in his family too.Then he put his foot down hard and the disrespect stopped.We still see his family but we keep it short and sweet.My family with him is all that matters.

 

itsamadfrenzy
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 7:19 PM


How did you manage to cope with it? I need some tips. Right now I just stay clear of her and keep quiet when she is around.

Quoting MomTiara19:

I have a mil like yours.

I have been married for over 13 years and shes still just as nasty...lol...(only now can I laugh)

My dh and I used to really fight over this.He never took my side until he noticed I was really getting ganged up on fom others in his family too.Then he put his foot down hard and the disrespect stopped.We still see his family but we keep it short and sweet.My family with him is all that matters.




TexanMomOf6
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 8:24 PM

She is older and her ways are different than younger folks. Ask her opinion on things. Listen respectfully. You don't have to do what she says but you may find she has some good ideas. Ask her to read your LO a story. Ask her what she would do when the baby gets cranky. Something, anything to let her know that she is a real valuable person. She may be feeling left out.

Remember: babies, kids, teenagers, everyone needs attention and will do anything to get it. Good or bad.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)