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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Okay, so I am going to try and keep this as short as possible.. it is an issue I have with my MIL. 

Since we announced we were having another baby my MIL has been not in the mind frame (in my opinion). She told me I was no longer allowed in her house until I got an abortion, this lasted a whole month. She has told me that I cant eat dinner at the same dinner table as her, she refuses to come to my baby shower and disrespected the way we choose to raise our 2 year old son as well. 

Throughout this time I have voiced to my spouse how sad it makes me that she acts this way. My guy is an awesome father and partner but in this siutation he always tells me to get over it and let it go. He uses the excuse that she is older (in her 80s) and things were different, basically she isnt caught up on the times. I reply by telling him that if he cant support me or offer me reassurance I want to visit a counselor to talk about this and get it off my chest. He then tells me I am over-reacting. I love my man and would never let anything come between us, but it has put a large strain on our relationship. Last night it all came up because he went to watch a hockey game at his parents house and I said I felt uncomfortable going. When I am there she doesnt speak to me and there is alot of tension in the room. I want to have a relationship with her that is close and where she is like a second mom, but no matter what I do she doesnt want to. 

What would you guys do? I dont want to see a medical professional behind his back but I also dont want to live like this and not be able to voice my concerns. HELP! 

thank you

by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 10:48 AM
Replies (31-33):
ThinkAgainMom
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:37 PM
1 mom liked this

I think in your reply to me, you identified what your deepest issue is:  You cannot live with the fact that someone, let alone your MIL, doesn't like you!   Welcome to the club!!!  The world is full of people, all of whom have someone who doesn't like them.  Know of a woman named Mother Theresa?  Google her and google hating her.  You will find there are plenty who could find fault with a woman many consider a saint.  It's okay if she doesn't like you.  In this case, certainly, it is NO reflection on you.

So that's your work.  That's what you need to get comfortable with.  Truly, this is NOT about you, yet you are making it personal.  I doubt you are the first person she hasn't liked or has treated badly. 

If you can find a way to let her be who she is, as miserable as that may be, things will ease up.  When you have no expectations or hopes are secret wishes, your feelings will not be hurt and you will not need to tiptoe around or try to offer 'sugar' to a lemon.  She will feel the difference and relax a little bit herself.

 

DeeDee205
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 1:54 PM

Oooh.  I like this answer.  I was thinking the same... a woman this miserable most likely has been the same way to others.  OP, you are very likely not the first.  But you need to take care of yourself for your little ones and not be stressed over a "hater" for hating.  There have been many excellent  suggestions here.  Best of luck to you...and Congrats on the baby!


Quoting ThinkAgainMom:

I think in your reply to me, you identified what your deepest issue is:  You cannot live with the fact that someone, let alone your MIL, doesn't like you!   Welcome to the club!!!  The world is full of people, all of whom have someone who doesn't like them.  Know of a woman named Mother Theresa?  Google her and google hating her.  You will find there are plenty who could find fault with a woman many consider a saint.  It's okay if she doesn't like you.  In this case, certainly, it is NO reflection on you.

So that's your work.  That's what you need to get comfortable with.  Truly, this is NOT about you, yet you are making it personal.  I doubt you are the first person she hasn't liked or has treated badly. 

If you can find a way to let her be who she is, as miserable as that may be, things will ease up.  When you have no expectations or hopes are secret wishes, your feelings will not be hurt and you will not need to tiptoe around or try to offer 'sugar' to a lemon.  She will feel the difference and relax a little bit herself.

 


 

JTriches
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 6:11 PM

Try acting like DR.Laura says.  Act like things are the way you want them to be.  GOOD LUCK!!

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