Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

I am a 19 year old about to be 20 year old mother and fiance. At the moment me and my fiance live with his family. Recently my 8 month old daughter has gotten an infection around her ladie part. Its emotionally draining and i just don't know how to handle it. My mother in law is helping me out a lot. Something about it though, urks me a lot and i don't want to be that kind of person. I love her help but sometimes she can be pushy. I know I'm new to this and sometimes when she gets sick i feel as if it is all my fault. I've also been told that it is possible the more she learns to talk she could possilby start calling her grandma, mommy. I REALLY REALLY do not want that happening. It would break my heart in two. What would you all do?

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 12:08 AM
Replies (21-27):
aniters
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:33 PM
My DS calls my mom "ma" and calls me "mama". I don't have a problem with it. My mom loves my son and they don't get to see each other often because she works alot.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
nicoleg806
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 2:43 AM

 I find it easier to talk to my husband and let him talk to her about how I feel just like I do with my mom. If he has a problem with her I talk it out with her. I just think it keeps the peace with the families. We had this happen with my sister in law

averysmommom
by Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 3:13 AM

I spent a lot of time w my mil when my son was lil. Lived w her while hubby was out to sea. Actually he was gone when son was born so she helped me he first 4 mos of his life. I was also turning twenty. My MIL is/was amazing but could be very overbearing at the time. But I kept in mind that she was just as excited about being a Grammy as I was a mommy. And if your MIL is a decent person she would never let your baby call her mom. From what I hear being a grandma is pretty amazing. 

Sweet_Carol_126
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:45 PM

First you are over reacting.  You can correct your baby if she calls grandma mommy.  You could call her grammy or nana or ga maw.  You will be mommy.  But you decide what people are to be called or you talk together and work it out.  People are just scaring you but if she says it once, you can change her and say no, that's grammy or whatever.  I was Grandma Carolyn to mine as they had a step grandma and i didn't want to be called the same.  Even my little ones got Gramma Carolyn. 

As to the rash, after you wash her, put some healing ointment on it or vaseline so it will protect it from the moisture.  The acid in the urine can make the skin raw and it burns.  You can use A&D ointment too.  I have had a problem at the crease of the leg and I have been putting an ointment there to help.  It protects form themoisture.  Your MIL can be a great help.  Don't worry about things that may not ever happen and if hey do, you can redirect it.  Enjoy the help now as most new mothers would love to have the help.  You are lucky to have her and her help. There will be some things that may not be accurate as things do change. So read some books to find out more.  Good luck to you.

 

LoreleiSieja
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 11:02 PM
1 mom liked this

Her house, her rules... as long as you live with her, you need to respect her.  It sounds like most of her help has been very welcomed and appreciated.  You are a young, first-time mom, and maybe stressing a bit too much.  Your daughter WILL NOT call grandma "mommy", unless you and the MIL both teach her to say that.  I babysat my granddaughter for much of her first four years, because mommy had to work.  It just about broke her heart ( my daughter's) because I got to see a lot of the child's firsts: first steps, first words, etc.  But my granddaughter has always called me "grandma".  

When your child gets sick  - it is not your fault, unless you are doing stupid silly things like taking her outside without any clothes on in the middle of winter!  Generally, little ones get sick from catching a virus, or a bacterial infection.  If you feed her, change her diapers, hold her, love her and take good care of her and she still gets sick - then that's just life.  That is NOT your fault.  

You sound like a loving and caring mother, just insecure.  If you must live with your MIL for now, then welcome her advice and support, but TALK TO HER.  Tell her - politely and respectfully - how you feel.  Do not complain or whine or make accusations.  Just tell her that sometimes you feel insecure, sometimes you feel like she's taking over, sometimes you feell... however you feel.  Then open the doors to conversation, and maybe she can express how she feels, too.  This woman is giving you and your fiance a home, when she should be enjoying her "empty nest" years... this probably wasn't in her game plan.  This whole situation might be very hard on her, too.  Talk with her.  Maybe you two can work out some compromise.  Maybe you two can become closer.  Don't forget to be calm, respectful, and loving - especially if you want her to treat you the same.

raegan1221
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 11:06 PM
I would take her to do special things just the two of you. I do that a lot with my son..doesnt have to cost anything, just the two of us.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mandadbaker
by Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 11:32 PM

I wanna thank everyone for the advice. Things have gotten chill around the household now! You all had some interesting things to say. I appreciate it all (:

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)