Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

I am a 19 year old about to be 20 year old mother and fiance. At the moment me and my fiance live with his family. Recently my 8 month old daughter has gotten an infection around her ladie part. Its emotionally draining and i just don't know how to handle it. My mother in law is helping me out a lot. Something about it though, urks me a lot and i don't want to be that kind of person. I love her help but sometimes she can be pushy. I know I'm new to this and sometimes when she gets sick i feel as if it is all my fault. I've also been told that it is possible the more she learns to talk she could possilby start calling her grandma, mommy. I REALLY REALLY do not want that happening. It would break my heart in two. What would you all do?

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 12:08 AM
Replies (11-20):
mandadbaker
by Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:35 PM

Thank you everyone, i feel better about it all! (: just scary at times

CrazyLife1996
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:40 PM
I see that it isn't her helping that really bothers you it is the fear that she will call her mommy too.

Trust me unless she is taught to call her mommy she will always call her grandma.

Just like a pp said just tack grandma onto everything you say about her to your daughter.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
DarlaHood
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:50 PM
1 mom liked this

The truth is you can't have it both ways.  You can't be living at her house and expecting her to butt out.  How do you get her to butt out? Well, you and your fiance have to take full responsibility for and control of your lives.  That means being completely self-supportive and providing for yourselves and your daughter.

I'm really not bashing.  It's just reality that if you are 19/20 with a baby and living with your fiance's mother, you haven't really taken a road of independence.  You want/need her help in some areas, but then you don't in others.  It really doesn't work that way.  The best way to get her to butt out is to move out.

caro100
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:02 PM

You are borrowing trouble on the calling worry that your baby will call grandma, Mommy., unless of course you're leaving all the work to her, and your daughter is spending all her time with her,   Diaper rash happens, especially if she has loose stools.  Just relax.  If grandma is being pushy, tell her thanks, but you need to be learning how to do it in a comfortable way for you.  If you are living in her house, be grateful.  

marisab
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 4:32 PM


Quoting abecee:

As you are talking to your dd always refer to her grandmother as grandma, repeatedly. "look there's grandma", "say hi to "grandma", do you want to give this to "grandma".  If you should ever hear your daughter call her mom, correct her gently but immediately.

Also, don't allow your soon to be mother inlaw to have that much time and control with your dd.

this my kids were in foster care for 4 mos when my daughter was 7 mos so i know u have to inssit on what titles they can acll you

SweetLuci
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 4:33 PM

 It sounds like you're feeling stressed about all this. Just take a breath. Think what it would be like if you weren't living with her. If she wasn't helping. Would you be in a homeless shelter? Or in a real dump somewhere? Or possibly you would be working and paying someone to watch your child? Maybe someone who was just in it for the money and really didn't care about your child? Lots of other moms are in that situation. It sounds like you are grateful for your mil sometimes, but are wishing you were on your own home, being a stay at home mom. It doesn't happen by wishing, so figure out what is the best situation. Also think about your mil. She may be stressed as well. I'm sure she likes having you there, but it has changed her life and she is making sacrifices. Just saying.

MJP76
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:13 PM


This. But I'd also like to add, that if you weren't living in her home then you wouldn't have this issue. get a little independance and get your own place to live. 

Quoting ThinkAgainMom:

Hmm.  I know you are 19, and a new mom, but what stands out to me is that your email is all about YOU and not really about your DD.  Being a good mother requires a great deal of selflessness.  So what's best for your daughter?  Having two women doting over her?  Having two women caring for her when she has an infection to make sure it heals quickly?  Having two women who love and care for her so much they could both be her mommy? 

The first two years of my son's life, my DH was a stay-at-home dad.  When I was home but he wanted his dad, it KILLED me. But I knew that it was good for my DS.  He was SO lucky to have a dad he was that close to as a baby.  MY feelings didn't matter a hoot when it came to what was best for him.  So I had to cry it out and talk it out with women friends to get the support I needed.  My DH and I swapped roles at age 2.  My DS did develop a much stronger bond with me, but for many years, it was nearly equal to my DH and I think that was a good thing for my DS (regardless of what I wanted).

Know that the M sound is much easier to make than the G sound so don't attach too much to your DD calling GMA,  MAMA.



JTE11
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:24 PM


Yes! This is what I was going to say,. Maybe let her know the kinds of things she is welcome to do, and let her know the things you'd rather take care of.  The other thing I was going to add was that when kids start to talk, sometimes they call everyone or all women "mommy" and it's just a normal developmental thing because they overgeneralize the term. As they get older they learn to discriminate and know that 'mommy' only refers to ONE woman, and other women have other names. My DD called my DH and I both mommy for a couple of months. I wouldn't worry about that if it happens.

Quoting offrdngal:

 You and your fiance need to tell grandma that while you appreciate the help, she needs to be GRANDMA and do grandma things, not MOM things.  You need to stand firm about this and fiance must be on the same page as you.



yperez0209
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:28 PM

What is urking you exactly? Is it your mother in law being pushy or do you think she is hurting your daughter?

MarissaFlores
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 9:32 PM

I think you should just talk to her. I'm sure your mother in law would understand. She was a mother herself so it's not like your telling her "Hey. I don't want your help." Just be like "I appreciate your help but I think I just wanna step in & take care of my daughter."

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)