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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Calling all stay at home moms!

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How do you define SAHM? What duties, or jobs do you have during the day? Do you have a routine, or just wing it? What role does your husband play when he's not working? Does he help with the kids, or relax when he's not working?

My husband and I have struggled to get a routine down since I have become a SAHM. He's a firefighter, so during the winter, he's usually home for a few days a week. Then he's gone just as quick. Idk what I should expect from him when he is home, and Idk what he expects from me when he's not.

Thanks :)

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:25 PM
Replies (11-20):
atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:47 PM
Been a sahm for 20 years. I have no duties per say. I have grown kids now. Dh works long hours so I had to raise the girls Monday through Friday pretty much.
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Elyssa414
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:48 PM
My husband works hard, long hours. He plays with the kids and helps me around the house when he is home.

I do everything else. Lol

I get the kids ready every day, (pack lunches, give meds, do diapers, get them dressed and onto the bus or driven to schools). I take the two oldest their therapies and doctors appointments. Clean the house, do the laundry and the dishes, organize insurance, finances, lessons, schools, IEPs, hospital stays, medical equipment, homework, etc...

We both take nights off individually and together, and I know that he can do everything that I do if he has to, (like meds and diapers and such).

It's taken us a long time to adjust from being two working parents to one SAHM. We have regular discussions about our roles and let the other know if we need more help for anything- we have two kids with severe special needs. And we are careful not to let each other burn out! :)
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MissTacoBell
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:50 PM
By and large, he does as he pleases. I don't really mind since he works to pay the bills. I am a full time student too though so he does help out a bit.

My job as I see it is to mind the kids, clean the house, cook the meals, grocery shop, manage finances and do my school work. If I need help I ask. But I know if I want him to take out the trash I have to set it blocking the door so he takes it on his way out. Otherwise it sits there.
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jstine86
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:51 PM

 


Quoting Roo1234:

I always told my husband that as a SAHM my first priority was to care for and raise the children.  I was there to meet their needs (emotionally, developmentally, physically) when possible I would do more than a "fair share" of the housework, but it wasn't going to rest entirely on me.  

Once I started working evenings and he had to care for the children he learned very quickly that being at home with the kids wasn't sitting on the couch eating bon-bons.  He became a much better partner after that and even now that the kids are older he continues to help more fully


 Yes!! I worked part time for a while and my husband stayed home with our son when he wasn't working...He learned as well, and was ready for me to SAH again. Just seems like lately he has forgotten. :/

ChancesMommy07
by Silver Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:56 PM

I do all the housework. I do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and run 99.9% of the errands. I have a routine and I like it. I'm one of those women who doesn't find being a SAHM hard. I'm organzied and most of my days are fairly easy and laid back as a result. DH works 6 days a week and generally just relaxes on his day off unless something needs done to one of the cars. We hire someone to do the yardwork. If I need help with something he never hesitates to jump right in I just don't need much help with the housework. He helps DS with his homework and they hang out quite a bit. It works for us.

jstine86
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:56 PM

 


Quoting Elyssa414:

My husband works hard, long hours. He plays with the kids and helps me around the house when he is home.

I do everything else. Lol

I get the kids ready every day, (pack lunches, give meds, do diapers, get them dressed and onto the bus or driven to schools). I take the two oldest their therapies and doctors appointments. Clean the house, do the laundry and the dishes, organize insurance, finances, lessons, schools, IEPs, hospital stays, medical equipment, homework, etc...

We both take nights off individually and together, and I know that he can do everything that I do if he has to, (like meds and diapers and such).

It's taken us a long time to adjust from being two working parents to one SAHM. We have regular discussions about our roles and let the other know if we need more help for anything- we have two kids with severe special needs. And we are careful not to let each other burn out! :)

Sounds like you guys really work well together. I think that's our problem, we don't discuss it enough. We can get in a small argument that turns huge because we both end up throwing that stuff out at each other when we are angry. "you didn't do this" "you didn't do that" "I shouldn't have to ask you" etc. We need a plan. :/

 

JulesFairy
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:57 PM
You really do have to figureout what works for you.
In my household, all the household stuff is my job. Including the children and their extra curriculers. Anything regarding work is his job. Of course we help each other if we need it, but for the most part thats how its divided.
And no real schedule. Do what needs to be done and be flexible if someone needs help.
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BundleOfJoy2011
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:58 PM

I'm a SAHM during the week and work on the weekends. My dh goes to school 3 times a week and the rest of the week he is off. I take care of dd, do dishes, clean, vaccuum, laundry, cook when he gets home.. For the first 5 months of dd's life dh was deployed so I was used to doing everything alone but now that he is home I've explained that I expect more from him.. On his days off, he helps with little things like feeding dd and maybe helping pick her toys up. But weekends while I work he mostly sits around the house and tends to our daughters needs.. I come home and still do dishes and clean while he might cook.

It works for us most of the time. And when something isn't working we talk about it and try chaning it. You just need to talk to him and see what he up to doing when he is home.

MommyofSCC
by Crystall on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:59 PM

I think it is going to be very different for each family.  I keep up on laundry run all errands take care of the baby and almost always have dinner ready.  My husband still does chores like vacuuming and dusting and all outdoor tasks.

jstine86
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 4:02 PM

 


Quoting ChancesMommy07:

I do all the housework. I do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and run 99.9% of the errands. I have a routine and I like it. I'm one of those women who doesn't find being a SAHM hard. I'm organzied and most of my days are fairly easy and laid back as a result. DH works 6 days a week and generally just relaxes on his day off unless something needs done to one of the cars. We hire someone to do the yardwork. If I need help with something he never hesitates to jump right in I just don't need much help with the housework. He helps DS with his homework and they hang out quite a bit. It works for us.

Lucky! I have never been a very organized person. :/ AND I procrastinate a lot. Which doesn't help matters. I guess I struggle with being a SAHM. I wish I didn't. Lol. I'm too hard headed and feel like everything shouldn't be put on me. I hate looking over at my husband sitting on the couch watching movies while I clean. Maybe I'm just being a brat. When he is gone at work, I'm fine. I know what I need to do. When he's home for 4 days, that's a different story. :/

 

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