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Calling all stay at home moms!

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How do you define SAHM? What duties, or jobs do you have during the day? Do you have a routine, or just wing it? What role does your husband play when he's not working? Does he help with the kids, or relax when he's not working?

My husband and I have struggled to get a routine down since I have become a SAHM. He's a firefighter, so during the winter, he's usually home for a few days a week. Then he's gone just as quick. Idk what I should expect from him when he is home, and Idk what he expects from me when he's not.

Thanks :)

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:25 PM
Replies (21-30):
Roo1234
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 4:05 PM



Quoting jstine86:



Quoting Roo1234:

I always told my husband that as a SAHM my first priority was to care for and raise the children.  I was there to meet their needs (emotionally, developmentally, physically) when possible I would do more than a "fair share" of the housework, but it wasn't going to rest entirely on me.  

Once I started working evenings and he had to care for the children he learned very quickly that being at home with the kids wasn't sitting on the couch eating bon-bons.  He became a much better partner after that and even now that the kids are older he continues to help more fully


 Yes!! I worked part time for a while and my husband stayed home with our son when he wasn't working...He learned as well, and was ready for me to SAH again. Just seems like lately he has forgotten. :/

Isn't it funny how that happens?frustrated  


jstine86
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 4:16 PM

 


Quoting Roo1234:

 

 

Quoting jstine86:

 

 

Quoting Roo1234:

I always told my husband that as a SAHM my first priority was to care for and raise the children.  I was there to meet their needs (emotionally, developmentally, physically) when possible I would do more than a "fair share" of the housework, but it wasn't going to rest entirely on me.  

Once I started working evenings and he had to care for the children he learned very quickly that being at home with the kids wasn't sitting on the couch eating bon-bons.  He became a much better partner after that and even now that the kids are older he continues to help more fully

 

 Yes!! I worked part time for a while and my husband stayed home with our son when he wasn't working...He learned as well, and was ready for me to SAH again. Just seems like lately he has forgotten. :/

Isn't it funny how that happens?frustrated  

 

Yes..Yes it is. Lol

 

Elyssa414
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 4:19 PM
I know it's basic marriage counseling 101, but try using just "I" statements.
Instead of "you never help with....!" Try "I'm feeling overwhelmed. Would you mind helping with....?" Focus on going forward, like asking for his help from now on, and not throwing around what he hasn't done in the past. There's nothing that either of you can do about the fact that he didnt take out the garbage last week, but you can ask for his help next week, you know? Instead of putting him on the defensive, be kind and vulnerable and tell him how your struggling and hear him when he tells you how he's struggling.

It will take time, but this is the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with- even when your kids are grown and gone. Don't let it fall apart over little things
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jstine86
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 4:24 PM

 


Quoting Elyssa414:

I know it's basic marriage counseling 101, but try using just "I" statements.
Instead of "you never help with....!" Try "I'm feeling overwhelmed. Would you mind helping with....?" Focus on going forward, like asking for his help from now on, and not throwing around what he hasn't done in the past. There's nothing that either of you can do about the fact that he didnt take out the garbage last week, but you can ask for his help next week, you know? Instead of putting him on the defensive, be kind and vulnerable and tell him how your struggling and hear him when he tells you how he's struggling.

It will take time, but this is the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with- even when your kids are grown and gone. Don't let it fall apart over little things


 Thanks. :) I think I'll try that. And get him to as well. :)

MJP76
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 6:08 PM


This. 

I mainly take care of the household chores, but he is not above helping me. And children are 50/50. You both made them you both take care of them.

Quoting rockinmomto2:

You need to figure out what it means to you and what you expect from your husband. When my DH is gone, everything falls on me. If he has to work late, he has to work late. On days he's home, he helps out. He cleans up, washes dishes, vacuums. I do all that during the week. I do all the laundry regardless of who's home, and I cook all the food. He, in return, makes all the money. 

I personally don't have a schedule (not one that I stick to, anyway). I just do what needs to be done.



ToolArmy066
by Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 6:18 PM
I cook, clean, do laundry and pretty much everything for our son. I also helpl with paperwork for his business. He goes to work all day comes home plays on the computer and plays with the boy. He'll do stuff if I ask, but I don't ask often only if I'm sick or something.
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JasonsMom2007
by Platinum Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 6:22 PM
Different things work for different people. I'm a sahm who homeschool our gifted, special needs son and I also have a almost 3 year old who wants to do preschool work. Hubby helps with laundry, dishes, etc because I'm only one person. His only consistent job is taking out the trash otherwise it's just doing stuff here and there.
And when he is home we are equally responsible for caring for the kids
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AlekD
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 6:22 PM

Every morning I wake up and fix breakfast for my son (and DH if he hasn't left for work work yet)

After that I do my housekeeping chores.I tidy up the whole house every day then I have one room for each day of the week that I deep clean, I have seven rooms in my house so it works out perfectly. I also do a load of laundry every day. 

Then I fix lunch for myself and LO and we eat together at the table. After lunch is his naptime and while he naps I make myself some coffee. We are planning on homeschooling so during this time I research different educational theories (specifically Chalotte Mason homeschool methods) and I am working my way through the books I plan on teachiing him (reading the Iliad right now and I HATE it! I think my boy will like it more than me though, lol. So gruesome!) DUring this stage where my son is too young to start any real structured "schooling" I am just trying to fill in the cracks in my own education so I can teach him confidently.

The whole afternoon is clear so that I can play with my son and do crafts or activities with him. He's only one so there's not much in the way of schooling happening yet, just semi-structured play and lots of walks.

DH gets home in the late afternoon to evening, I cook dinner and we eat around five.

After dinner we just hang out. DH has his turn to play with the baby or watch TV or whatever he wants to do.

At 8:30 we start our half hour of family read-aloud time and the baby is in bed by 9. 

After that it's "cuddle time" for the grown ups ;)


I'd say my life is pretty busy! Staying at home is what you make of it, really. I don't ask my DH to do anything much in the way of chores. His job is just as busy and demanding as my job at home so I don't think he owes it to me. I don't help him at HIS job, lol.

Hope you get things sorted out in a way that works for you soon :)

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alexis_06
by AnnaLisa on Feb. 8, 2013 at 2:44 AM

 i'm not married..never have been. so the only experiance i have with this, is my parents..my mom was a sahm..she did everything!!! cook, clean, grocery shop, made our lunches, laundry, bathed us, everything!! my dad took out the garbage, and took care of the outside stuff (cut grass, raked leaves etc..) and as we got older, dad was the one that drove us to friends' houses, or to sports practise etc.

jakesmom323
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 2:50 AM
I do everything from raise my two sons to paying the bills. Everything in between like laundry, cleaning, making appts., and basically running everyon
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