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Calling all stay at home moms!

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How do you define SAHM? What duties, or jobs do you have during the day? Do you have a routine, or just wing it? What role does your husband play when he's not working? Does he help with the kids, or relax when he's not working?

My husband and I have struggled to get a routine down since I have become a SAHM. He's a firefighter, so during the winter, he's usually home for a few days a week. Then he's gone just as quick. Idk what I should expect from him when he is home, and Idk what he expects from me when he's not.

Thanks :)

by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 3:25 PM
Replies (31-40):
Kazmira222
by Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 3:14 AM
I just wing it lol I have work on Wednesdays and Saturdays tho. And all the other days when I find a moment I'm NOT holding ds I work on homework for college. I live at home and am single, so in the evenings my mom takes ds so I can either accomplish a few things or go to bed early. Lol FYI, ds is almost 6 weeks old now.
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Basherte
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:46 AM
1 mom liked this

I wash dishes, cook all meals, clean the house from top to bottom. (not every day on that last one)

While my husband was working, I didn't expect him to do anything when he was off of work. Except: take his dishes to the sink, throw away anything that he got out and used the last of, and generally pick up after himself. I still did all the cooking, and cleaning. I'm the SAHM, he brings in the money. I do the work around the house. 

This is what works in my house. You should figure out what being a SAHM means to you. What you expect from your DH when he is home. Then discuss it with him and find out what it means to him and what he expects to do when he is home. Then compromise.


wedding countdown

sarahfaith123
by Sarah on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:18 AM

oh god, considering he's a fireman, that seems to add a different dimension to it which makes you think of him being exhausted from fighting fires but probably most days he's not doing that, there can't be a fire that often. anyway. at our house everything was even and equal until DS was born. actually i'm not entirely sure i can help because i feel my job is tougher because i think my view differs from my husbands on how things should be. he stopped doing dishes and laundry once the baby got here. he's now 2 and DH still doesn't help enough. i recently started having him do his own laundry. i am paid to care for my cousin's daughter twice a week, i do the groceries, take care of our kid, clean and the cooking is a shared thing. i am tired constantly. 3 days he comes home from work and bathes his son, reads to him while i go to the gym but this is because if forced him to. my mother in law is moving in due to health and i have done a  lot of the preparations.i also finally took things into my own hands and hired a mother's helper to watch child so i can complete everything on thurs evenings. i will be signing up for marriage counselor to help me communicate with DH basically to deal with this very issue-division of duties because i will be returning to my old job, so i hope yours understands its still ok to divide duties, in my opinion - evenly. best of luck, your job is hard-you deserve support and keep strong plenty of us know how you feel.

baileyquarters
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:03 AM
I'm new here, but I've been a SAHM for 8 years, so I wanted to respond.

I'm responsible for everything in tbe house. I've made it that way for myself. I have a routine, and a system - I'm one of those people who likes to clean. I don't like people doing 'my' stuff.

I take care of everything with the kids, the cleaning of the house, dinner, grocery shopping, laundry - mostly everything within the walls of the house. He takes care of any repairs, the vehicles, and most importantly, pays the bills.

I don't give him any set jobs. We fall into very traditional gender roles and I'm okay with that. He will automatically carry down the laundry baskets if I've set them out, or the trash if its by the stairs, and he will do the dishes if there's a few in the sink but we pretty easily meet the expectations of eachother.

My ex husband however, was not such an easy match.
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RaLeighsMommy11
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:08 AM
My dh is home by 3 everyday except 2 days out of the week he is gone until 630/7 and off on Saturdays. I get up and do all the cleaning for the day when I wake up & make time for dd playing & doing activities. We run all errands that need to be done like pay bills or grocery shopping. I don't expect him to do anything cleaning wise because the house is spotless when he gets home. All I ask him to do is take the garbage out at the end of the night & he is responsible for feeding the dogs (but I occasionally do it sometimes). All I leave for him to do is play with dd when he gets home :). Now that I'm almost 8 1/2 months pregnant he will give dd her bath a couple nights a week because it's starting to hurt my back
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snowangel1979
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:30 AM
When DH is home, he does what needs to be done. If he sees the floor needs to be swept, be sweeps it. He helps with the children. (except for the dishes because I'm weird about that LOL. ) In the summer when he works 80 hours, I do mostly everything. In the winter, he does more.

IDK we don't keep tabs on who is supposed to do what. The way we look at it is there is going to be some give and take threw out our lifes together. If it needs to be done, do it. The time it takes to complain about someone else not doing it, you could be 1/2 done.

It didn't used to be like that though. He stayed home and I went to work about 6 years ago and got a big wake up. Now he says if the children are alive I've done my job, even if the house is burnt down or house is a mess and there's no dinner.
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Pukalani79
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:41 PM
1 mom liked this

 I've been a SAHM since 2007 and I really had a hard time with being resentful that I had to do everything.  This year it finally hit me - being a SAHM is my JOB.  My job is to care for the house and the kids and see that the household runs smoothly.  I clean, do the laundry, cook, run errands, pay bills, homeschool and take the kids to their lessons.  Not to say that my DH does not help, he does.  He helps with their schoolwork, with dishes, with cleaning up.  He keeps an eye on things so I can go out and volunteer or have "me" time.  He mows the lawns and takes care of the gardening.  He is on call 24/7 and while some weeks can be fairly low key, many weeks are high stress.  It used to bother me when he'd escape to the computer or play a game, but now I see he needs that to unwind.  Changing my attitude has been huge in how I see the work.  It's something I am happy to do now instead of begrudging it because in all honesty it's a luxury to be a SAHM and not many get to do it by choice. 

Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:47 PM

My husband and I split the duties as equally as possible, which meant that he went to work all day, and I worked hard at home all day.  He took care of the car and lawn, I did laundry, shopping, child care and driving them around.  When he got home from work, he always spent time with the children, but I took care of all housework except heavy lifting.

Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:50 PM

I found that it helps to have a routine for me. This way I can get up and get right to work on what needs to be done that day.

Cassidysmom611
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:52 PM

I only expect for DH to take the trash out and load the dishwasher. During the day I keep the house tidy, do laundry and work with my DD. She is moderately autistic and she has lots of needs, along with therapies that come to the house. I usually do laundry a few times a week too.

We don't have a wicked routine down yet either because I just left my full time job last week lol.

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