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he wouldn't consider me

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My husband had a female friend who was his work colleague she was close to him a few weeks after we got married she used to phone him on his off days asking hw he is n hw I am I was a bit jealous but I never thought anything bad abt them being friends he used to also travel with her. When I was 8 months pregnant I started getting suspicious coz he used to come home sort of push me away and chat to her I started reading his msgs n I found that one day she was watching porn movie n telling him wats its all abt I kept that to my self thinking that if mentioned it to him he would dlt her msgs a fews days after that he told his friend 'he wants to do her' I was hurt but still kept in me I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl..
I sat him down n told him abt it he said he was joking n wen I asked him abt the porn movie he kept quiet n I insisted for an answer n he fought with me we used fight daily abt it I told him to dlt her of bbm n remove her numb. Which he did

a month later he went for training lied to me his going alone n was checking his phone n he had msgs to a another friend that she is with him he admitted he went with her but I was hurt that he lied to me we started fighting I accused him he hit me his mother n family got involved n mentioned it was a mistake getting us married n made it seem like I was at fault.
his sister gave him a choice to live separate n still support the child n he just kept quiet...his mother n sister tells me what to do all the time when to feed my child what she should wear they are like verbal reminders they tell my husband what to do and he listens to them yet he hardly listens to me I cnt trust my husband anymore n I forgave him but every time we argue I think of all these things n it works me up its eating me up inside I dnt wanna loose my husband
I'm so helpless plz help me find a way to trust him and a way to make him consider me as his wife in his life we spoke abt it so many times but that didn't work he refuses to go for counseling
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by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:40 AM
Replies (11-20):
shaik
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:34 AM
LHummel yes he hit me not only on this occassion other times too wen
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
momtoBrenna
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 12:41 AM

If he is hitting you, run far and run fast! He won't stop and it will get worse. You need to protect yourself and your baby girl. *hugs*

spotsmom
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:04 AM

No, honey. Jusy no. Do what the first answer told you to do, go back to school, get a job. And leave. He is not worth it. Never mind the cheating (BTW, if he hasn't already, he will soon enough) he is hitting you. WHY would you want ot stay with him? He doesn't want to work things out, he lies to you, and he he HITS you! WHY are you worried about keeping this piece of crap? And his family! This is a miserable life to live, why do you want to continue? 

spotsmom
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 1:11 AM
2 moms liked this

Really? Her husband lies to her, lusts after another woman, refuses to go to couples counseling, and hits her and it's HER fault? She just needs to be more positive and "happy?" Ugh. Maybe you should keep the advice to things like what to make for dinner, and which laundry detergent to use. No offense, but you suck at relationship advice.

Quoting Bmat:

I'm not sure why you consider her a rival, since he married you. Do you treat him well? Do you smile and make home a place he likes to come to?  If you act desperate then he may turn to someone who makes him laugh and places no demands on him. I'm not saying to be a doormat, but would you like to come home to someone who makes you unhappy?  Of course not. His sister needs to stay out of a relationship between husband and wife. Since you are so unhappy, get counseling.



shaik
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 3:27 AM
The reason I stay is because I dnt want my baby girl being deprived of her dad if I leave wouldn't it make me selfish

My mum passed away wen I was 7 n I never had a mother figure in my life thank god for u ladies whose trying to help me I have no one to speak to mau god bless url
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Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:49 AM

I'm surprised that you feel my relationship advice in general is bad based on one reply, or are you saying that all or most of my relationship advice is bad.  I admit it makes me feel badly that you feel this way.  I spoke from the heart, admittedly as an outsider looking in, with only the best intentions. Have you ever seen me tell people what to have for dinner (although I'd be glad to having studied nutrition) or what laundry detergent to use (which I wouldn't, but I could refer the person to a group here that could help her in this.)  I wish shaik well, and pointed out a possible problem. I did not dismiss the guy as without fault. In an attempt to save the marriage I suggested that she seek counseling.  I have a certain amount of success with relationships and have given my opinion for a number of years now. And that's what it is, an opinion. Great. Now I feel hurt and sad.

edited: OK, I missed about the hitting. My advice is now for her to leave immediately.

Quoting spotsmom:

Really? Her husband lies to her, lusts after another woman, refuses to go to couples counseling, and hits her and it's HER fault? She just needs to be more positive and "happy?" Ugh. Maybe you should keep the advice to things like what to make for dinner, and which laundry detergent to use. No offense, but you suck at relationship advice.

Quoting Bmat:

I'm not sure why you consider her a rival, since he married you. Do you treat him well? Do you smile and make home a place he likes to come to?  If you act desperate then he may turn to someone who makes him laugh and places no demands on him. I'm not saying to be a doormat, but would you like to come home to someone who makes you unhappy?  Of course not. His sister needs to stay out of a relationship between husband and wife. Since you are so unhappy, get counseling.




Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:52 AM
1 mom liked this

(Now I'm afraid to give advice.)  From what I see in other relationships,  a child in a one parent household is better off than a child who lives in a relationship where there is anger and fighting and certainly cheating. You would not be selfish, and the courts would help you arrange for the child to have visitation with him.

Quoting shaik:

The reason I stay is because I dnt want my baby girl being deprived of her dad if I leave wouldn't it make me selfish

My mum passed away wen I was 7 n I never had a mother figure in my life thank god for u ladies whose trying to help me I have no one to speak to mau god bless url


Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 11, 2013 at 8:53 AM

I missed that he was hitting you.  I take back all of my previous advice and recommend that you leave immediately.  Hitting is not acceptable.

Quoting momtoBrenna:

If he is hitting you, run far and run fast! He won't stop and it will get worse. You need to protect yourself and your baby girl. *hugs*


robyann
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:01 AM
1 mom liked this

Well, hon, you can't force someone to be different then they are. If he wanted to work on your relationship it would be different. But apparently he doesn't and is not even willing to go to counseling. 

He is allowing his family run your relationship. He has "checked out". 

You need to decide what is best for you and your child. All you know for sure is he has hit you and will more than likely hit you again. You have to base your decision on how things are now, not how you hope they may be later. Can you live like you are now for the rest of your life? Is this healthy for you child? 

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Feb. 11, 2013 at 5:47 PM

I think OP's post is a tad hard to navigate and I didn't catch that either! 

Bmat's advice is pretty solid and with little and scrambled info I'm not sure what else she could have said.

OP gl to you. If it really is awful and he won't TRY, then move on. I think the point that Bmat is trying to make is that you are trying too. 


Quoting spotsmom:

Really? Her husband lies to her, lusts after another woman, refuses to go to couples counseling, and hits her and it's HER fault? She just needs to be more positive and "happy?" Ugh. Maybe you should keep the advice to things like what to make for dinner, and which laundry detergent to use. No offense, but you suck at relationship advice.

Quoting Bmat:

I'm not sure why you consider her a rival, since he married you. Do you treat him well? Do you smile and make home a place he likes to come to?  If you act desperate then he may turn to someone who makes him laugh and places no demands on him. I'm not saying to be a doormat, but would you like to come home to someone who makes you unhappy?  Of course not. His sister needs to stay out of a relationship between husband and wife. Since you are so unhappy, get counseling.





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