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WHAT SHOULD I DO????? PLEASE CM'S I NEED YOUR ADVICE!!

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HERE GOES...I ASKED FOR ADVICE ABT 6 MONTHS AGO FROM YOU AND RECIEVED TONS OF REPLIES THAT I TOTALLY APPRICIATED...SO NOW I HAVE ANOTHER DILEMA. BACK THEN I WAS VERY UNHAPPY AND TRYING TO FIND A WAY OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP...SINCE THEN THINGS HAVE GOTTON SO MUCH BETTER...LIKE HE ALMOST HAS DONE A 360. BUT IN BETWEEN ALL THIS I REACHED OUT TO MY BEST FRIEND FOR HELP AND HER AND HER MOM BOUGHT ME A TICKET TO MOVE TO HAWAII...THEY BOUGHT THIS TICKET ABT 5 MONTHS AGO. I WAS HEAD STRONG ABT LEAVING AND STARTING A NEW LIFE. I'M SUPPOSE TO LEAVE NEXT MONTH AND START A NEW JOB OUT THERE. MY KIDS ARE STAYING BEHIND W/ THIER DAD UNTIL THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR...MY PLAN IS TO SAVE MY $ FOR A FEW MONTHS, GET A PLACE AND START A NEW LIFE W/ MY KIDS IN HAWAII....BUT NOW ME AND THIER FATHER ARE DOING GREAT!! IT'S WEIRD...HE IS THE MAN I ALWAYS KNEW HE COULD BE...HE UNDERSTANDS WHY I WANT TO GO TO HAWAII AND ISN'T EVEN TRYING TO DISCOURAGE ME. HE WANTS ME TO GO! HE SAID IF THINGS WORK OUT LIKE I PLAN HE WOULD LIKE TO COME OUT WITH ME & THE KIDS. WHAT A TURN AROUND IN EVENTS. NOW I'M STRUGGLING WITH LEAVING!! I'M HAVING ANXIETY ABT LEAVING MY KIDS. I'VE HAD SLEEPLESS NIGHTS...FIGHTING WITH MYSELF ABT WHAT TO DO. MY PROS #1. GETTING BACK ON MY FEET & BEING FINACIALLY INDEPENDENT (CURRENTLY SAHM) #2. HAWAII IS WHERE I WANT TO RAISE MY KIDS #3. MORAL SUPPORT FROM MY BESTIE (CURRENTLY HAVE NO FRIENDS HERE) MY CONS  #1. LEAVING MY KIDS BEHIND #2. LEAVING BEHIND MY GRANDSON! I FEEL THAT EVERYONE WILL BE LOST WITHOUT ME. I COOK, CLEAN, BABYSIT MY GRANDSON...ETC. I'M TRULY FEELING GUILTY ABT THIS WHOLE THING. MY BEST FRIEND AND HER MOM ARE WILLING TO HELP ME GET ON MY FEET AND ARE EVEN ACEPTING THE FACT THAT MY KIDS FATHER MIGHT BE JOINING ME AND HAVING US BE ONE HAPPY FAMILY!!! PLEASE CAFEMOMS HELP ME!!! I NEED EVERY SINGLE ONE THAT READS THIS TO COMMENT!! I'M LOST! HELP ME FIND THE ANSWER AND HELP ME FIND ME!!!

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:28 AM
Replies (11-20):
EmmaZate
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:24 PM
Have him buy a ticket for him and the kids on the same or close flight. Problem solves
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pretty_mom
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:32 PM

I'M NOT MAKING ANY EXCUSES HERE...BUT I WANTED TO GO TO SEE IF I CAN MAKE IT FINACIALLY...IT IS VERY EXPENSIVE TO LIVE IN HAWAII. MY KIDS FATHER HAS A GOOD JOB AND JUST GOT A PROMOTION...HIS JOB IS MORE STABLE AND HAS BEEN THERE FOR 16 YEARS. HE WAS NEVER IN PLANS TO GO...IT JUST CAME TO BE AS OUR RELATIONSHIP IMPROVED. AND WHO KNOWS MAYBE HE IS PULLING A FAST ONE ON ME AND IF HE IS HE DESERVES AN ACADEMY AWARD!! I HAVE NOT FORGOTTON HOW MUCH OF A JERK HE ONCE WAS. I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN THE REASON WHY I WANTED TO LEAVE IN THE FIRST PLACE. I AM TAKING ALL COMMENTS TO HEART AND APPRICIATE YOU TAKING THE TIME TO READ THE LONG POST. KEEP THEM COMING LADIES. 

erinsmom1964
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:41 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting pretty_mom:

AM I AN EMOTIONAL WRECK OR WHAT?? I'M CRYINYG AS I READ @ORGNBLSM COMMENT...I WILL DEFINENTLY GET SOMETHING IN WRITING BEFORE I GO...MAYBE I WAS BEING TO SIDETRACKED W/ HIS KINDNESS ABT ALL THIS. JUST SO YOU LADIES KNO WE ARE NOT MARRIED BUT HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 13 YRS. I'M NOT SURE IF THAT MEANS ANYTHING. SO ARE YOU LADIES ROOTING FOR ME TO GO AS LONG AS I GET THE RIGHT DOCUMENTATION FOR MY GIRLS? THEY WILL STILL HAVE 6 WEEKS OF SCHOOL LEFT & IT WOULD BE HARD TO GET ON MY FEET & FIND CHILDCARE FOR THEM SO THIS IS WHY I FELT IT BEST TO LEAVE THEM BEHIND. 

His kindness could be just to get the kids.  I would NEVER EVER leave my children behind.  So no not rooting for you to leave your kids

Kazmira222
by Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:47 PM
Well Hawaii in my opinion is way to price-overrated. I'd never wanna live there. If you all are happy where you are now why move?? It's not like you HAVE to go. Idk just go with your gut feeling.
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hollydaze1974
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 12:54 PM
I completely agree , that may be why he's good with you leaving.... He can claim abandonment just as soon as you are gone for month. The kids can go to school in Hawaii . I feel he's playing nice just long enough to take the kids, honestly.

Quoting Bmat:

It would probably be worth your while to get a lawyer and ensure that you would not be accused of abandoning the children.  Is there any way that your husband and children could accompany you?

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Bleacheddecay
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 1:12 PM
2 moms liked this

This! And if he is just B.S.-ing you and doesn't follow, you will be in a good position WITH your kids WITH you.


Quoting LilliesValley:

I'd go. He's willing to following you, but I wouldn't be leaving without my kids. Kids adjust and will make do with transfering schools. Couldn't leave my kids. Good luck! Glad your husband has turned around and its permanent.



SpiritedMom2
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 1:22 PM
2 moms liked this

Absolutely agree. DO NOT GO without your kids.

Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 8, 2013 at 2:13 PM

It is more important that you have your children with you than even that you go to Hawaii.

pretty_mom
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 2:30 PM

MY KIDS ARE MY #1 PRIORITY. HAWAII JUST HAPPENS TO BE WHERE MY BEST FRIEND LIVES. EVEN IF SHE LIVED IN OHIO OR TEXAS IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER. I'VE BEEN TO HAWAII TWICE BY MYSELF W/ HER. MY KIDS GO TO CALI DURING THE SUMMER W/ THIER GRANDPARENTS. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY SINCE WE MOVED FROM CALI WHICH HAS BEEN 8 YRS NOW. WHEN I WENT TO HAWAII I SAW HOW FAMILY ORIENTATED THEY ALL WERE AND HOW BEAUTIFUL IT WAS. I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A WONDERFUL PLACE TO RAISE MY GIRLS. I ALMOST FEEL AWFUL THAT I ASKED FOR HELP ON HERE BUT I'M NOT AT ALL UPSET...I AM JUST A WOMAN THAT IS TORN BETWEEN LEAVING AND STAYING. NOW I HAVE IN MY HEAD THAT MY KIDS FATHER IS PULLING A FAST ONE BUT IN MY HEART I DON'T THINK THAT'S TRUE. HE HAS SAID THAT HIS DAUGHTERS WILL ALWAYS NEED THIER MOTHER AND THEY ARE ALWAYS BETTER OFF W/ME. HONESTLY HE'S SUCH A WORK A HOLIC HE WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO W/ THEM IF HE REALLY HAD TO KEEP THEM. MY GIRLS ARE SMART AND SELF SUFFICENT. THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN I'M NOT AROUND. I HAVE A 16 YR OLD DAUGHTER (NOT HIS) THT IS ALSO ENCOURAGING ME TO GO. MY MIDDLE DAUGHTER (OURS) DOESN'T WANT ME TO LEAVE...SAID SHE WOULD BE LOST BUT ACTUALLY WANTS TO STAY HERE IN AZ...DOESN'T WANT TO MOVE, MAKE NEW FRIENDS ETC... I FELT THAT ASKING OUTSIDE HELP WOULD HELP ME MAKE UP MY MIND IS ALL.

 



Quoting Bmat:

It is more important that you have your children with you than even that you go to Hawaii.



Bmat
by Barb on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:00 PM

I can see that my reply was very poorly stated. I am awfully sorry that I hurt your feelings, it is the last thing I wanted to do, and I hope that you'll accept my apology. I was reading through the other suggestions and thought yeah, the children are the top priority. But the way I said it sure looked as though I didn't know that you knew this already, which of course you did. I am sorry.

Quoting pretty_mom:

MY KIDS ARE MY #1 PRIORITY. HAWAII JUST HAPPENS TO BE WHERE MY BEST FRIEND LIVES. EVEN IF SHE LIVED IN OHIO OR TEXAS IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER. I'VE BEEN TO HAWAII TWICE BY MYSELF W/ HER. MY KIDS GO TO CALI DURING THE SUMMER W/ THIER GRANDPARENTS. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY SINCE WE MOVED FROM CALI WHICH HAS BEEN 8 YRS NOW. WHEN I WENT TO HAWAII I SAW HOW FAMILY ORIENTATED THEY ALL WERE AND HOW BEAUTIFUL IT WAS. I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A WONDERFUL PLACE TO RAISE MY GIRLS. I ALMOST FEEL AWFUL THAT I ASKED FOR HELP ON HERE BUT I'M NOT AT ALL UPSET...I AM JUST A WOMAN THAT IS TORN BETWEEN LEAVING AND STAYING. NOW I HAVE IN MY HEAD THAT MY KIDS FATHER IS PULLING A FAST ONE BUT IN MY HEART I DON'T THINK THAT'S TRUE. HE HAS SAID THAT HIS DAUGHTERS WILL ALWAYS NEED THIER MOTHER AND THEY ARE ALWAYS BETTER OFF W/ME. HONESTLY HE'S SUCH A WORK A HOLIC HE WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO W/ THEM IF HE REALLY HAD TO KEEP THEM. MY GIRLS ARE SMART AND SELF SUFFICENT. THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN I'M NOT AROUND. I HAVE A 16 YR OLD DAUGHTER (NOT HIS) THT IS ALSO ENCOURAGING ME TO GO. MY MIDDLE DAUGHTER (OURS) DOESN'T WANT ME TO LEAVE...SAID SHE WOULD BE LOST BUT ACTUALLY WANTS TO STAY HERE IN AZ...DOESN'T WANT TO MOVE, MAKE NEW FRIENDS ETC... I FELT THAT ASKING OUTSIDE HELP WOULD HELP ME MAKE UP MY MIND IS ALL.

 



Quoting Bmat:

It is more important that you have your children with you than even that you go to Hawaii.




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