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WHAT SHOULD I DO????? PLEASE CM'S I NEED YOUR ADVICE!!

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HERE GOES...I ASKED FOR ADVICE ABT 6 MONTHS AGO FROM YOU AND RECIEVED TONS OF REPLIES THAT I TOTALLY APPRICIATED...SO NOW I HAVE ANOTHER DILEMA. BACK THEN I WAS VERY UNHAPPY AND TRYING TO FIND A WAY OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP...SINCE THEN THINGS HAVE GOTTON SO MUCH BETTER...LIKE HE ALMOST HAS DONE A 360. BUT IN BETWEEN ALL THIS I REACHED OUT TO MY BEST FRIEND FOR HELP AND HER AND HER MOM BOUGHT ME A TICKET TO MOVE TO HAWAII...THEY BOUGHT THIS TICKET ABT 5 MONTHS AGO. I WAS HEAD STRONG ABT LEAVING AND STARTING A NEW LIFE. I'M SUPPOSE TO LEAVE NEXT MONTH AND START A NEW JOB OUT THERE. MY KIDS ARE STAYING BEHIND W/ THIER DAD UNTIL THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR...MY PLAN IS TO SAVE MY $ FOR A FEW MONTHS, GET A PLACE AND START A NEW LIFE W/ MY KIDS IN HAWAII....BUT NOW ME AND THIER FATHER ARE DOING GREAT!! IT'S WEIRD...HE IS THE MAN I ALWAYS KNEW HE COULD BE...HE UNDERSTANDS WHY I WANT TO GO TO HAWAII AND ISN'T EVEN TRYING TO DISCOURAGE ME. HE WANTS ME TO GO! HE SAID IF THINGS WORK OUT LIKE I PLAN HE WOULD LIKE TO COME OUT WITH ME & THE KIDS. WHAT A TURN AROUND IN EVENTS. NOW I'M STRUGGLING WITH LEAVING!! I'M HAVING ANXIETY ABT LEAVING MY KIDS. I'VE HAD SLEEPLESS NIGHTS...FIGHTING WITH MYSELF ABT WHAT TO DO. MY PROS #1. GETTING BACK ON MY FEET & BEING FINACIALLY INDEPENDENT (CURRENTLY SAHM) #2. HAWAII IS WHERE I WANT TO RAISE MY KIDS #3. MORAL SUPPORT FROM MY BESTIE (CURRENTLY HAVE NO FRIENDS HERE) MY CONS  #1. LEAVING MY KIDS BEHIND #2. LEAVING BEHIND MY GRANDSON! I FEEL THAT EVERYONE WILL BE LOST WITHOUT ME. I COOK, CLEAN, BABYSIT MY GRANDSON...ETC. I'M TRULY FEELING GUILTY ABT THIS WHOLE THING. MY BEST FRIEND AND HER MOM ARE WILLING TO HELP ME GET ON MY FEET AND ARE EVEN ACEPTING THE FACT THAT MY KIDS FATHER MIGHT BE JOINING ME AND HAVING US BE ONE HAPPY FAMILY!!! PLEASE CAFEMOMS HELP ME!!! I NEED EVERY SINGLE ONE THAT READS THIS TO COMMENT!! I'M LOST! HELP ME FIND THE ANSWER AND HELP ME FIND ME!!!

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:28 AM
Replies (21-30):
H79fordgirl
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:55 PM
I agree you need to talk to a lawyer 1st if u aren't going to take the kids. Why not wait another 6 weeks and take them w u when school is over? You aren't going to know if u can do it financially in 6 wks.
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stargazerwolf
by Bronze Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:14 PM

Honestly I'd say either go and take the kids or stay where you are. Kids do adjust though. If anything wait it out awhile. Wait til the kids are done with school and then when that 6 weeks is up you will also have a better gauge on if your husband is serious about staying together. I understand he sees an opportunity for you there, but I can't imagine most husbands being ok with their wife moving so far away. Is the ticket going to expire next month or can you use it whenever? Maybe you can exchange it?

If you do decide to go without the kids definatly get some kind of thing written up just in case. Why do you have to worry about child care if you have teenagers? I honestly if it were me, would wait til the kids are done with school and if you decide to move, do it then, as a family. However, if your husband has a wonderful job and just got promoted, why not just try finding a job where you are? Even though there are people you love in Hawaii it doesn't mean it is the best choice...I hope you can get it figured out.

Stargazer101
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:20 PM

Keep a journal every day about the communication with your kids and their father, so if anything bad does come of this then you can prove that you have kept in touch with them.

orngblsm
by Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:49 PM
Sweetie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. I just don't want you to have regrets and to be aware of potential consequences. I watched my friend go through a situation very similar to yours and lose her kids over it. She has told me so many times that if she could do one thing over, it would be to take her kids with her and not leave them behind. If you can, put off your move until you can take the girls with you. If you can't, speak with an attorney, and get a custody agreement in writing, signed and dated. But definitely speak with an attorney as soon as possible. I truly wish you the best in your new life and hope that everything works out for you.
Quoting pretty_mom:

AM I AN EMOTIONAL WRECK OR WHAT?? I'M CRYINYG AS I READ @ORGNBLSM COMMENT...I WILL DEFINENTLY GET SOMETHING IN WRITING BEFORE I GO...MAYBE I WAS BEING TO SIDETRACKED W/ HIS KINDNESS ABT ALL THIS. JUST SO YOU LADIES KNO WE ARE NOT MARRIED BUT HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 13 YRS. I'M NOT SURE IF THAT MEANS ANYTHING. SO ARE YOU LADIES ROOTING FOR ME TO GO AS LONG AS I GET THE RIGHT DOCUMENTATION FOR MY GIRLS? THEY WILL STILL HAVE 6 WEEKS OF SCHOOL LEFT & IT WOULD BE HARD TO GET ON MY FEET & FIND CHILDCARE FOR THEM SO THIS IS WHY I FELT IT BEST TO LEAVE THEM BEHIND. 


jesusgirl76
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:38 PM
I encourage you to pray and ask God to show you His will for you. Hawaii sounds awesome though. I wish you all the best
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NookBoookMom
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:49 PM

I would get a lawyer b.c while he may say he supports you , this is just a way to get you out the door and then claiming abandoment. 

Basherte
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 2:57 PM


Quoting emilysmom8:

 

Quoting pretty_mom:

BELIEVE ME I THOUGHT ABT THAT...BUT WE ARE IN SUCH A GOOD PLACE RIGHT NOW. MY TWO OLDER ONES WILL BE HERE (WHICH ARE NOT HIS) AND I DON'T THINK HE CAN GET ME FOR ABDOMENT. AS LONG AS WE KEEP SOME KIND OF OPEN COMMUNICATION IE....LETTERS, TEXT ETC THEN HE CAN NEVER GET ME FOR ABANDONIG MY GIRLS. BUT THANKS FOR THE CONCERN.

 I would still cosult a lawyer, just because your in a good place now doesnt mean he will change again once you move. I believe he can still get you for abondement even if you text, write call ect..

I agree with this. Plus I would see if there is a way to take your kids with you to Hawaii.


wedding countdown

southern.momof2
by Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 3:26 PM
I could never leave my kids. How do you think they will feel?
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jabs54
by Platinum Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 5:44 PM

 If they only have 6 weeks of school left why can't you wait until they are done?  I think it sounds wonderful to live in Hawaii but I would not leave my kids, ever.

DragonMother10
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 5:55 PM
Why are so many giving negative feedback? Don't trust him and blah, blah blah. I think you should take your kids with you to Hawaii mainly because you are stressing about leaving them behind. Regardless if your husband is being truthful or not. You are lucky to have such a great friend along with her mother to support you. They are doing more than some families do. I don't know your husband nor know what his intentions are, but I am not going to tell you what others are saying. Simple, take the kids with you so you don't have to stress leaving them behind, and your husband can join you when you go or after.
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