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Have to do "controlled crying" with very attached little 9 mth old girl to sleep in her crib tonight....help!!!!

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If anyone has done this please give me some advice or inspiration, the dr told me to do it because my ankles and feet are swollen in the morning from sleeping in the rocking chair in her room holding her. She will sleep in her crib just wakes constantly wanting to sleep on me! She was born early and has issues with weight. She is only 12 pounds now. I have had to feed her every four hours until this month and that Is another reason dr says its time, I had no choice before because I had to feed her all night, another reason she is so used to waking up. She is so tiny and fragile looking I feel so sorry for her and she also gags and acts like she is choking when she cries or even hollers out in joy?!?!? That also freaks me out and makes me not want to let her cry. The dr says to sit by her crib ten minutes then in the doorway so she knows I'm there, this makes me think she will cry worse though if she see's me?! Supernanny says go in after two minutes and say sweet I love you'd and leave and keep doubling the time 2,4,8,16 etc, until she is asleep. I was supposed to. Start last night while my 5 year old is with grandparents so he won't have to hear it, but I couldn't....please help!!!!

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 1:40 PM
Replies (231-237):
xtriciax
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 12:50 PM

honestly it depends on the child the age and the situation. a friend of mine tried this with her 11 month old went on for 2 hrs before her mom that was there begged her to let her rock the baby to sleep. it might be harder since your child is older. mine was young enough to not have it in her mind yet that if i cry hard and long enough she will give in. goodluck hun... have you tried it at all yet?


Quoting Camsmom101007:

Thank you!! That makes me hopeful. One person on here said six hrs the first night, four the second, two the third....ugh!!! I appreciate it and congrats!!!

Quoting xtriciax:

well my dd had a Binky and i dont believe in letting a 3 month old cry it out just until they fall asleep so i did 10 min intervals. would go in a give her her Binky and leave wait ten do it again wait ten do it again. took maybe 3x the first night and 1x the second and that was it slept through the night. until she was hospitalized at 8 months for a week then she woke up every 3 hours for vital checks so when we got home had to re-sleep train took 2 or 3 nights and then never had an issue again. 


Quoting Camsmom101007:

How did you do it!?

Quoting xtriciax:

i did a modified cio method when dd was 4 months and after two nights she was sleeping through the night. everyone has the right to parent as they choose. i just dont thing co-sleeping is for me and i could never imagine having a toddler sleeping in my bed everynight. parents need there time too. my dd is now 2 and goes to bed at 7 in her own bed. 







woodswalker
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2013 at 1:05 PM

I am one of those moms who never let my babie cry it out.  If they were cryng and wanted to sleep with us, we would just move over and let them.  Yes, this happened just about every night.   They are teenagers now and would never dream of crawling in bed with us. Both sleep fine through the night in their own beds. 

They are only little for a very short time.   Cherish these days where they NEED your touch to sleep through the night because before you know it, they are gone....

But  I would give up the rocking chair.  Just bring her in to your bed....

Camsmom101007
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 1:10 PM

No :(

Quoting xtriciax:

honestly it depends on the child the age and the situation. a friend of mine tried this with her 11 month old went on for 2 hrs before her mom that was there begged her to let her rock the baby to sleep. it might be harder since your child is older. mine was young enough to not have it in her mind yet that if i cry hard and long enough she will give in. goodluck hun... have you tried it at all yet?


Quoting Camsmom101007:

Thank you!! That makes me hopeful. One person on here said six hrs the first night, four the second, two the third....ugh!!! I appreciate it and congrats!!!

Quoting xtriciax:

well my dd had a Binky and i dont believe in letting a 3 month old cry it out just until they fall asleep so i did 10 min intervals. would go in a give her her Binky and leave wait ten do it again wait ten do it again. took maybe 3x the first night and 1x the second and that was it slept through the night. until she was hospitalized at 8 months for a week then she woke up every 3 hours for vital checks so when we got home had to re-sleep train took 2 or 3 nights and then never had an issue again. 


Quoting Camsmom101007:

How did you do it!?

Quoting xtriciax:

i did a modified cio method when dd was 4 months and after two nights she was sleeping through the night. everyone has the right to parent as they choose. i just dont thing co-sleeping is for me and i could never imagine having a toddler sleeping in my bed everynight. parents need there time too. my dd is now 2 and goes to bed at 7 in her own bed. 








Donya90
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 3:27 PM

I went into preterm labor at 23 weeks. They stopped the contractions somewhat but I would hardly move and they would start again. I ended up in the hospital for 101 days. When I was allowed to give birth my little girl was just 5 pounds. When we took her home after 2 weeks in the ICU unit we took her home at 4 pounds and a half. I do understand what your going though. She too had to have frequent feedings and was very fragile as she didnt have any body fat. People became angry that I wouldnt let anyone hold her. I did this as it would hurt her to be handled so much. Once she began to gain weight I did realize that it was time to allow her to be on her own. The crisis had passed (although later we would find out she has a mild form of MD.) What we did, as we did with our first, we put her rocker at the foot of our bed. As she cried we put our hands on her back to comfort her. Hubby and I took turns and laid our pillows where our feet went. We did this for about 3 to 4 nights. Then we would only touch her when she cried out, just two times for a couple of nights. Then a couple of nights when she cried we just gently rocked her and talked to her letting her know we were there. A couple days later we stopped talking and just rocked the cradle. It took about two and a half weeks but finally she was able to sleep on her own without any help. She did want her feedings every 4 hours, until she became bigger but by then, to get 4 hours of sleep in a row was "Heaven" for my husband and I. I dont like letting newborns cry (anything that is 4 months or younger). They still do not have the understanding that your coming back until you get them in a schedule. Once she slept in her rocker without our help, then it was her crib with the baby monitor. People who havent had a preemie or a baby that isnt very big dont understand that they require much more care than your average newborn. However, once they gain the weight...its important for you to take care of yourself. Your body has taken a whipping by giving birth and then the stress of a high maintenance baby. I have Lupus and my kidneys were not doing too good. Try to take time to enjoy this special time in your life. It goes by too quick.

Mommatoobe
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 6:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes. She will be crying. But she will still have your hands for comfort. Comfort with your hands...rub, pat, sing if you have to. Just don't pick her up. You know your daughter more than anyone. If she does start to cry and after trying this for awhile....use your gut instint. Nobody can tell you what to do, just give advice and tips. I know my advice is counter productive.

Just try this...let your hands do the soothing instead of your body. She will cry. It should slow and slow. Eventually she will fall asleep. It is easier to move your hand out of the crib than your daughter off of your body to relocate her.

Quoting Camsmom101007:

Ok, thanks, but can you clarify if you are including her crying during steps four and six cuz she will be? If not what to do when she is crying cuz again, she will be...lol... 

Quoting Mommatoobe:

Once you start a habit, it makes it hard to break. Do it by baby steps. I am a mother of 3 young children. I have an in home daycare before I had kids. I was a over full time nanny to 5 children under 5 while I have my own nb too.

If I was in your situation this is what I would do.

1. Feed a bottle at 6pm. Bathtime. Story time. Cuddle time (sitting on couch, not rocking chair - just singing, talking to her, soothing her with your voice while she is wrapped in your arms.

2. Feed a bottle right after cuddle time.

3.Check her diaper.

4. Lay her down in her crib. Sit next to it and do one or two of these things through the bar (hold her hand, rub her belly, play with her hair, or anything else comforting you can think of)

5. Do this until she is asleep. Stay there. hands by your side for a few minutes longer. Slowly move out of room.

6. If she wakes sit down next to crib...don't talk. don't look. Just sit. You can rub her belly to soothe her but don't pick her up.

Follow the steps each night. They will get shorter each time.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. It is tough but we Mom's can get through anything!



Camsmom101007
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:28 PM

Thank you and god bless!

Quoting Donya90:

I went into preterm labor at 23 weeks. They stopped the contractions somewhat but I would hardly move and they would start again. I ended up in the hospital for 101 days. When I was allowed to give birth my little girl was just 5 pounds. When we took her home after 2 weeks in the ICU unit we took her home at 4 pounds and a half. I do understand what your going though. She too had to have frequent feedings and was very fragile as she didnt have any body fat. People became angry that I wouldnt let anyone hold her. I did this as it would hurt her to be handled so much. Once she began to gain weight I did realize that it was time to allow her to be on her own. The crisis had passed (although later we would find out she has a mild form of MD.) What we did, as we did with our first, we put her rocker at the foot of our bed. As she cried we put our hands on her back to comfort her. Hubby and I took turns and laid our pillows where our feet went. We did this for about 3 to 4 nights. Then we would only touch her when she cried out, just two times for a couple of nights. Then a couple of nights when she cried we just gently rocked her and talked to her letting her know we were there. A couple days later we stopped talking and just rocked the cradle. It took about two and a half weeks but finally she was able to sleep on her own without any help. She did want her feedings every 4 hours, until she became bigger but by then, to get 4 hours of sleep in a row was "Heaven" for my husband and I. I dont like letting newborns cry (anything that is 4 months or younger). They still do not have the understanding that your coming back until you get them in a schedule. Once she slept in her rocker without our help, then it was her crib with the baby monitor. People who havent had a preemie or a baby that isnt very big dont understand that they require much more care than your average newborn. However, once they gain the weight...its important for you to take care of yourself. Your body has taken a whipping by giving birth and then the stress of a high maintenance baby. I have Lupus and my kidneys were not doing too good. Try to take time to enjoy this special time in your life. It goes by too quick.


hippiecrit
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 12:35 AM

Trust YOUR instincts. Get a co-sleeper. She IS delicate and fragile, and nannies don't know better than MOMMIES!!! My 9 mo old is still co-sleeping too. I have no guilt about that. He just still needs me a lot right now. She'll be big and independent soon enough.

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