Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Have to do "controlled crying" with very attached little 9 mth old girl to sleep in her crib tonight....help!!!!

Posted by   + Show Post

If anyone has done this please give me some advice or inspiration, the dr told me to do it because my ankles and feet are swollen in the morning from sleeping in the rocking chair in her room holding her. She will sleep in her crib just wakes constantly wanting to sleep on me! She was born early and has issues with weight. She is only 12 pounds now. I have had to feed her every four hours until this month and that Is another reason dr says its time, I had no choice before because I had to feed her all night, another reason she is so used to waking up. She is so tiny and fragile looking I feel so sorry for her and she also gags and acts like she is choking when she cries or even hollers out in joy?!?!? That also freaks me out and makes me not want to let her cry. The dr says to sit by her crib ten minutes then in the doorway so she knows I'm there, this makes me think she will cry worse though if she see's me?! Supernanny says go in after two minutes and say sweet I love you'd and leave and keep doubling the time 2,4,8,16 etc, until she is asleep. I was supposed to. Start last night while my 5 year old is with grandparents so he won't have to hear it, but I couldn't....please help!!!!

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 1:40 PM
Replies (21-30):
Camsmom101007
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:50 PM

I responded to your comment by clicking reply not sure if that's what you do when you want to respond so now I am "quoting you" too....

Quoting ScarletRose4488:

First of all you are her mother and you know your daugher best.  Do not do something you beleive is wrong.  If you have concerns you need to get them addressed by someone qualified to answer them.   You can get a 2nd Opinion in what she needs. 

As for the sleep - personally I do not think that what you are doing now is healthy for either of you.  So if it is safe to let her cry and you are just having a hard time emotionally detaching ... then you need to consider how much of this is getting worsened by your behavior and emotions.  Let me clarify... a baby & especially a toddler can tell when you are upset.  SO if you are upset she is going to get upset.  So you need to have faith that she is going to be fine and let her have the chance to feel like she is fine.  Part of that is not running every time she makes a sound.  Get a baby monitor -- if need be with video -- and watch her from another room.

You also need to realize that by giving her exactly what she wants whenever she wants it she is missing out on learning to soothe herself, get quality sleep, feel emotional "safety" around her, learn independance, and patience.  Basically, if the only problem is your emotions and not her health / safety then you need to put your emotions aside to do what is best for your daughter. 

As far as how to do it..... I will be honest in that I put my kids in their cribs the night they came home from the hospital.  Including my son from NICU - I just got a video monitor.  Yes they needed to be fed.  But then they went right back into the crib.  If one is/was having a bad night I might sit in there but it is still them in their crib.  So that would be my first suggestion.  Put her in a crib and if you have to sit right next to it and put your fingers on the bars so she can touch you.  You can sing or read books.  But let her be in her crib and learn that this is ok.  

Of course you should have a bedtime routine that you do every night the same way.  You need to stick to that.  She will only learn that after book (or song, ect) she goes to bed if you actually put her to bed. 

Now, there is also the issue of her being 9 months old already.  Is she climbing yet?   You may need to do extra baby proofing and you really need to look at that.  This is all the more reason to let her get her bedtime routine now.   Pretty soon she will not be so easily confined to her bed and will therefore be that much harder to learn her bedtime routine. 

Good Luck!


ScarletRose4488
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:15 PM

My toddler just came running up because my jaw dropped at this comment.  I can not beleive someone would say this!!!  Please ignore her!


Quoting SpiritedMom2:

Please ...dont. There are other ways to handle this. Why do you need to sit up? Have you thought about co-sleeping? I come from a culture where 100% parents co-sleep and we have 0% incidence of SIDS. All my siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, all my friends from the same culture as me - they all co-sleep and we have never had any problems ever. I co -sleep with my 3 yo ds ever since he was born and he has no sleep problems at all. Your child is fragile and she needs you terribly right now. You have plenty of time and ocassion to get her out of it when shes older and doesnt need you as much. PLEASE re-think it - controlled crying, CIO borders on child abuse - its cruel...your mother insticnt is right - go with it. You will never regret co-sleeping - but you may regret leaving her alone when she needed u so much she cried and cried.



Jen
~ I speak from the heart because the truth is always the best - even if you don't know it yet. ~
Camsmom101007
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:17 PM

I have ignored a lot of them today as you see.....did you see the reply I meant to give you???

Quoting ScarletRose4488:

My toddler just came running up because my jaw dropped at this comment.  I can not beleive someone would say this!!!  Please ignore her!


Quoting SpiritedMom2:

Please ...dont. There are other ways to handle this. Why do you need to sit up? Have you thought about co-sleeping? I come from a culture where 100% parents co-sleep and we have 0% incidence of SIDS. All my siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, all my friends from the same culture as me - they all co-sleep and we have never had any problems ever. I co -sleep with my 3 yo ds ever since he was born and he has no sleep problems at all. Your child is fragile and she needs you terribly right now. You have plenty of time and ocassion to get her out of it when shes older and doesnt need you as much. PLEASE re-think it - controlled crying, CIO borders on child abuse - its cruel...your mother insticnt is right - go with it. You will never regret co-sleeping - but you may regret leaving her alone when she needed u so much she cried and cried.



TexanMomOf6
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:32 PM
3 moms liked this

I never let mine CIO. That's letting them know that if they need something, too bad, mommas not coming until she feels like it. Plus if your child chokes when crying, why would it make sense to ignore it?

I did see a couple of really neat set-ups. One was a cosleeper bed that was attached to the side of the bed and it looked like a bassinet. Another smart mom made her convertible crib into the toddler bed and put it against the bed. Either way you can touch the baby.

I put my LO crib mattress on the floor in his closet. It fit tightly, and the door was gone. I took my mattress, put it on the floor in front of the closet. I couldn't roll on him, he couldn't fall off. He could see me and feel me. Problem solved.

If people are not meant to sleep together, why do you sleep with your SO? Because.... it feels safe, loving, reassuring, happy, loving..... Why shouldn't your child feel that way too?

ScarletRose4488
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:34 PM

I am so glad I helped!  I hope it goes well for you!  It can not be good on your back & legs to hold her all the time.  And the co-sleeping until 5 - oh, I could not do that.  To each there own I guess but it is not for me.  So I know you love those kids.  LOL.  :)  

When I was pregnant with my first my grandmother (who had 14 kids) told me to always listen to my heart and trust that I knew what was right for my children.  So whenever I have doubts I just remember that.


Quoting Camsmom101007:

Thank you Jen, that's all I wanted was reassurance. She goes in her crib for naps and starts out in her crib at night after falling asleep in my arms (that goes for naps too) but like all of us humans she wakes up .......and sees she is in her crib and not in my arms and cries to get me back in there to hold her and this cycle goes and goes til I fall asleep w her in my arms for the rest of the night...accidentally! It's nothing but not wanting to be in her crib. And when I say thru the night I mean like five hours.....some people on here are thinking I'm going to not feed her for twelve hours, shut her bedroom door and say "best of luck" ! Not the case. However im not feeding into these people who are replying but not to the question. My whole family is suffering in different ways and yes it's my emotions holding me back. Because of how fragile she has been until now it pulls my heart strings to hear her cry. And when she cries or even yells from joy she coughs and sometimes gags and acts like she is choking which freaks me out but that's a whole diff post I guess!! Thank you and if you have more advice on crying it out let me know. By way I do have a video monitor that also goes off if she stops breathing ...lol...



Jen
~ I speak from the heart because the truth is always the best - even if you don't know it yet. ~
frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:39 PM

I would invest in an inflatable mattress to put by her bed so that if she wakes up, you can pat her hand through the bars to reassure her while you are still able to lay down.   I did that when dd was about this age when she got scared.  

ScarletRose4488
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:41 PM

Yes, that is where I was going when I saw that other post.  And I am serious my 2 year old came running up to see why I was making a funny face.  LOL.

Actually, that reminds me....... the end of his bedtime routine is we say the Lord's Prayer and I sign part of it just cause I need to practice so when we say Heaven we point up to the stars on his ceiling.   He no longer needs the night light with the stars so maybe it will have a calming effect on your daughter.   You could even do Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.    :) 

Well off to put all the munchkins in bed for the night.  Good Luck!!

Jen
~ I speak from the heart because the truth is always the best - even if you don't know it yet. ~
Camsmom101007
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:42 PM

Thank you! And was she crying thru this? 

Quoting frndlyfn:

I would invest in an inflatable mattress to put by her bed so that if she wakes up, you can pat her hand through the bars to reassure her while you are still able to lay down.   I did that when dd was about this age when she got scared.  


frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes she was.   I am glad i followed my gut on her sleeping habits since now at age 6 (according to my mom) she is the easiest of all the grandkids to fall asleep when it is time.  We live in a small apartment so had to get a handle on the sleeping routine so neighbors werent disturbed.  Just to warn you she did not completely sleep through the night , 8 or more hours, until age 3 but at least she was able to sleep and wake up without the screaming.

If my baby was born so small, I would be constantly worried as well since crying can stress the body out especially if she is gagging/choking.


Quoting Camsmom101007:

Thank you! And was she crying thru this? 

Quoting frndlyfn:

I would invest in an inflatable mattress to put by her bed so that if she wakes up, you can pat her hand through the bars to reassure her while you are still able to lay down.   I did that when dd was about this age when she got scared.  




spunky946
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:50 PM
1 mom liked this
I just want to say good luck. My ds 8 did that from 20-26 months until I got his own twin Bed. He slept with us a lot.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN