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Have to do "controlled crying" with very attached little 9 mth old girl to sleep in her crib tonight....help!!!!

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If anyone has done this please give me some advice or inspiration, the dr told me to do it because my ankles and feet are swollen in the morning from sleeping in the rocking chair in her room holding her. She will sleep in her crib just wakes constantly wanting to sleep on me! She was born early and has issues with weight. She is only 12 pounds now. I have had to feed her every four hours until this month and that Is another reason dr says its time, I had no choice before because I had to feed her all night, another reason she is so used to waking up. She is so tiny and fragile looking I feel so sorry for her and she also gags and acts like she is choking when she cries or even hollers out in joy?!?!? That also freaks me out and makes me not want to let her cry. The dr says to sit by her crib ten minutes then in the doorway so she knows I'm there, this makes me think she will cry worse though if she see's me?! Supernanny says go in after two minutes and say sweet I love you'd and leave and keep doubling the time 2,4,8,16 etc, until she is asleep. I was supposed to. Start last night while my 5 year old is with grandparents so he won't have to hear it, but I couldn't....please help!!!!

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 1:40 PM
Replies (41-50):
AM-BRAT
by Amber on Feb. 9, 2013 at 12:40 AM
3 moms liked this
If the baby sleeps when next to you and everyone sleeps, screw it.

I fought and fought and forced and forced my first baby to sleep away from me and it was more work than it was worth.

They won'g do it forever no matter what judgemental moms say.
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SLMitchell
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 12:56 AM

What she said.  Definitely find an alternative to the rocker, but otherwise follow your instincts.  If your heart tells you to comfort her, and pick her up, and let her sleep with you, then you go ahead and do it.  It is not the doctor's place to tell you when she needs to sleep on her own.


Quoting SpiritedMom2:

Please ...dont. There are other ways to handle this. Why do you need to sit up? Have you thought about co-sleeping? I come from a culture where 100% parents co-sleep and we have 0% incidence of SIDS. All my siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, all my friends from the same culture as me - they all co-sleep and we have never had any problems ever. I co -sleep with my 3 yo ds ever since he was born and he has no sleep problems at all. Your child is fragile and she needs you terribly right now. You have plenty of time and ocassion to get her out of it when shes older and doesnt need you as much. PLEASE re-think it - controlled crying, CIO borders on child abuse - its cruel...your mother insticnt is right - go with it. You will never regret co-sleeping - but you may regret leaving her alone when she needed u so much she cried and cried.



I am...a dreadlocks sportin', vegan food diggin', garden growin', floaty skirt wearin', bare feet steppin', from scratch cookin', non-spankin', homeschoolin', fiction writin', couponin', dog adoptin', displaced Texan, wife of a soldier and mother of a darlin'...

nicki.hemingway
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 1:06 AM

Both of my babies co-slept with us for at least the 1st year.  Ds moved on his own will at 13 months to his crib, and DD moved on her own at 15 months.  No sleepless nights for us. 

Manth
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 1:11 AM

My older daughter was born 2 months premature, tiny (3 lb 14 oz) and was TERRIBLE at getting to sleep.  While she was in NICU she was fine - in fact the nurses used to joke that I would have an easy time with her because she would wake up, have a feed then settle herself back to sleep with no problems.

Once we got her home - that's when the trouble started.  Daytime naps were fine - she would settle down to sleep easily, wake for a feed, coo and play with her hands for a while then back to sleep again.  At night - she turned into a monster.  The same bed and bedroom (ours) that she slept in during the day suddenly became a battle of wills and she would SCREAM incessantly for hours at a stretch.  Didn't matter if I cuddled her to sleep or if she fell asleep elsewhere but as soon as I put her in the bedroom at night the screaming would start.  In the end I did a modified CIO - let her scream but I would sit on the bedside with her talking or singing softly so she knew she wasn't alone. I was certain that the neighbours were going to turn me into for child abuse!  It took about a month but soon she was sleeping well at night as well as during the day.  She still woke 3 or 4 times a night for a feed but would settle down again in her bed as soon as the feeding and change were over.

She grew up to be a very secure and grounded young lady.  She is 18 years old now, in her second year at University and has had no ill effects from her stint with CIO as a baby.

michellemaguire
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 1:40 AM
My son will only sleep in his car seat. Don't know if that's something you would want to consider.
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jakesmom323
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 1:45 AM
Put a pack and play next to your bed so you are close and can sleep in your bed. I would do that first so you get more sleep and can hear her when you want. That helps me and then go from there with sleep training. Before my 5 month old got sick (cold), he slept from 9-5am. It's going to take weeks to get him back to that. HOPEFULLY;) Good luck.
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JP-StrongForTwo
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 2:03 AM
3 moms liked this

Get a new doctor. That is my suggestion. 

Babies need mommy. Its a fact of life. I dont like the idea of changing that basic instinct. 

Gooberzilla
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 2:10 AM

I had a growth restricted preemie also.  We co-slept.  She moved into her own bed at 2 with no problems at all.  Babies grow better when they are near their parents.  Find a way to keep her happy and you healthy without forcing her to cry without soothing.  Developmentally speaking she is NOT ready to sleep without you.

kcrogue
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 2:57 AM

Get a recliner. I used it for both my kids. It rocks and I can put my feet up and stretch out and sleep if I need or want. I think that would help with the swollen feet and ankles. But if you want her to go down all night, I don't have a good answer. I still wake regularly with my 2 year old. : ) But it doesn't bother me I get a good sleep either way the recliner has been a lifesaver. Best of luck. 

DarlaHood
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 3:34 AM
4 moms liked this

I agree with the majority.  Either co-sleep in your bed, put her next to you in a bassinet or swing where you can touch her, or create a bed extension that she can co-sleep safely in.

Attachment is so fundamental to so many other things in life.  If you were to take a child development class, you would learn how attachment to our children is the foundation on which everything else is built.  I'm not saying you can't have healthy attachment if your kids sleep in their beds, but if your dd is crying for you, she may need that snuggling, particularly if she is a preemie.  Babies are not manipulative.  She is just telling you that she needs your touch

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