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COD Gaming-Help! I'm afraid I will hurt our relationship!

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 4:02 AM
  • 28 Replies

For mamas with SOs who are gamers, how has your family come to an agreement about how much gaming is appropriate? This has been a disagreement between my SO and I for awhile, but especially since the birth of our five-month old son. The current trend is that he will get home from work around 4:40, and every other day will play COD. On the days he plays he will come home and say, "hi." Eat an apple and then go play. He doesn't get off for dinner (I bring it in to him). Then he gets off around 10:00 to go to bed, while I am stuck staying up with ds  and getting up throughout the night. 

   We originally had agreed that he would not play on the weekends, which he only sticks to if we actually go out and do something, but if we stay at home he jumps on the Xbox. Whenever I talk to him about it and how I feel (that he should spend more time with his family than he does playing his bachelor "friends" whom he has never actually met), he says that it is not a normal relationship for people to spend all their time together. I do agree that people need their space and separate activities....but is it "normal" to only spend every other night with your family? Help me out mamas, do you think that my expectations are out of line? I am afraid that this disagreement will become a major wedge in our relationship if we don't work it out.

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 4:02 AM
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by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 6:35 AM
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Stop taking dinner to him.
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by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 8:48 AM
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Honestly - this is ridiculous. How old is he anyway? He CANNOT be spending all his time playing games and not with his family. At the same time - youre ENABLING him to do this - by one - being ok about him coming home and directly getting on his gaming anf two - actually making it easy for him by taking him his dinner etc. A committed relationship (whatever it is in your case - marriage, commitment) is about responsiblility and your SO does not seem responsible to me! I would definitely have a loooong chat with him and let him know what it feels like and what you think. Remember gaming is just as much an addiction as anything else - you may need to go to a counsellor to help him get out of it. Also take a good hard look at yourself (I dont believe its your fault but you do seem to be giving him the space to do this) - so what is he missing in the relationship which he is making up for through gaming? I would suggest giving him an ultimatum - but thats a last resort - seek help, have a conversation (or 2, or 10) and even bring in family members for help - his parents, or siblings, or yours to talk to him - if nothing works - then move on to the next step...

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:31 AM
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Why not play with him? Spend time together playing games? My husband and I used to play games together and it was nice.  

Stop catering to your guy. If he doesn't come to the table, don't serve him. Talk to him about how much it irritates you that he is always on there and you get stuck with the kid all the time. It's his kid too. He should help.

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 10:04 AM
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as far as him telling u its not normal to spend that much time together well i guess he has never been around a married couple that hates being apart  , My husband and I are like that . I think he is wrong to feel he is entitled to do this every other night and ignore the family, if mine could get on here and leave a message he would tell you i would snap if he did that to me. I have seen many relationships end over guys and their video games. If dinner is ready while hubby is on he finishes the game and joins us at the dinner table, i refuse to have any family member sitting at the computer, on the phone, ipad, ipod, tv.. whatever.. dinner time is family time . Trust me when I say i if that call for dinner goes unnoticed ill hit the fuse breaker ! Now don't get me wrong I game too, but there is a time and place and it will not interrupt family time or anytime that I need some help. It will not interrupt bed time rituals.

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:22 AM
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My dh loves to game but he loves his family more. Family needs to come first. Years ago I felt like his game playing was taking precedence over our  family. So I hid his game and we had a long conversation about it. He then realized that he was playing too much. If everything around the house is taken care of he will play for an hour or two. I did not make this family alone and I certainly will not take care of it alone :) I also have tried to play some games with him (although I am really bad).

So my suggestions are to talk to him about your concerns. It may seem silly but maybe you could make a schedule. That way you are getting your needs met, your dd gets her needs met and your hubby gets his needs met.Hopefully you can work something out that you all can live with.

One more thought :) There are much worse things he could be doing. At least he is home, not running around, drinking, etc... But it needs to be in moderation!

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 12:11 PM

I would not be able to put up with that. I firmly believe my husband needs his fun and relaxation but he also needs time with his family and me. That sort of obessive behavior would drive me NUTS.

by Bronze Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 2:04 PM

Aww sweety. Feeling like you are between a rock and a hard place, is no plcae to be! 

 I would take the advice of the previous posters and use them ways that are useful and helpful. But do so with a positive attitude, not a negative irrational one. The last one will never get you anywhere, I promise.  :) 

Also, you need to tell your hubby that he needs to do some more research about couples and quality tme spent together.  For the first 13 years of my husband and I's marriage, we went to work...together.  And not only did we get along, but we quite enjoyed each other's company too.  

by Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 2:33 PM
I'm probably gonna be the one that no one agrees with, but I deal with this. My DF has a video game addiction. I knew that before we got together bc he is completely honest about it. Video games are his way to destress. Before he had his son, almost every moment he was awake and not at work, he was playing. He cut back a small amount to play with his son when he was with him. At night, he would stay up playing video games and would hold him while doing so. He did the same with our daughter. Before I got pregnant with our son, we were having some problems and almost all together got out video games. He was mean. He'd get irrational. Have you ever been around someone who just quit smoking? That was him. I got fed up with it when he had like 3 or 4 days off in a row and I couldn't deal with him anymore. I made him go play. I occasionally play with him, but I'm horrible at most the games he plays. I've been trying for 5 yrs to play things like Halo and COD with him and the best I've ever done is go 2/12. Yeah. Horrible.

For now, he comes home from work and plays with the kids for a little while. Usually I'm fixing dinner when he comes home. He makes sure to give us hugs and kisses, then goes to play. Sometimes I bring him dinner, sometimes he will come down and eat with us. Sometimes I take the kids up and we eat with him. The kids will sit in his lap and watch him play. He helps me put our daughter bed. If we go to bed at the same time, we will watch tv for a little while and he plays with the baby. If he's off work, he will take the baby if he wakes up in the morning and he will take care of our daughter so I can sleep. We find time to spent time together, even if its just sitting in the same room together.

I agree he should make time for his family, but that doesn't mean cutting it out completely. He promised you weekends and he should uphold that. Anytime DF promises me or the kids time, I remind him of it bc honestly, he forgets. Even if he just said he would 10 minutes ago. Explain to him that y'all aren't gonna go out every weekend, but he should still spend time with his family. Even if you just go out in the yard and play, that's something.
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by Bronze Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 2:39 PM
Video games are very last thing on my husbands mind. He puts his family first other wise he wouldn't have one. He plays on the weekends only at night or when I'm sleeping in. Our older two will sit and watch him play and tell him what to shoot. Sometimes he'll get on during the week days but its far and few between because he works nights now and has to get ready after the kids are in bed. Even when he worked days he'd only play for an hour or so.
When we were first married he play every chance he could get which was fine by me. I played on the comp all night and it worked for us. Now he has a family he grew up and put his family needs over his wants.
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by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 4:28 PM

I keep posting about these books. but really they saved my marriage.

Boundaries in Marriage by Drs. Townsend and Cloud. It will tell you how to go about buiding your relationship and help you to also make the boundaries and understand your DH at the same time.

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